WHAT'S THE 411 ON THIS ARTICLE?
So, she cheats and then lies about it - but he still loves her and wants to keep her? Can you spell C-L-U-E-L-E-S-S???
I’ve been in a relationship with Nikki for the better part of three years. I am totally and completely in love with her. We started as a one night stand right after my first love broke up with me. I was afraid to commit, but we had chemistry and Nikki said all the right things to stroke my ego and heal my broken heart.
I was obligated to the National Guard and had to report for training and she was in college. Just before it was time for me to head out for training, she wrote me a letter that made me to want to marry her. We spent every possible second together until I shipped off. When I was away, we wrote letters to each other. I told her how I had fallen for her and she wrote that she wanted me so badly that it hurt. She told me she could never cheat on me, and that we would have to go slow because she felt like a virgin.
The thought of having a loyal and loving future wife caused me to develop a deep respect for Nikki even though she had told me of her somewhat promiscuous past and reputation. It seemed all that stuff was completely in the past and that she just needed a man like me. But one day I felt something was off and that I was living a lie. I couldn’t sleep, so I installed spyware onto my laptop, which I left for Nikki to use while I was away.
I immediately discovered that Nikki wasn’t so loyal and innocent after all.
In fact, she was a completely different person. It seemed to me that she cheated on me. I forgave her and made her tell me all that she had hidden, and she said she did. Over time, though, more problems came up and more of her betrayals surfaced. Nikki lies to my face, only for the truth to come out months later.
Doc, am I wrong for forgiving Nikki or for believing that she will ever tell me the magnitude of what really happened with other men in the past and what she’s done behind my back? Should I call one of the guys who she claims nothing happened with just for closure? I’d forgive anything because of how much I love Nikki, but she refuses to come clean about the present or the past. WHAT SHOULD I DO???
P.S. I used to cheat on every girlfriend I ever had. But since I returned from basic training I have not been with another woman.
Petey - who is desperate to keep her
EVER HEAR "YOU'RE JUST TOO NICE TO DATE?"
Yeah - if you're GETTING SICK OF HEARING THAT then take my 7-day dating course FOR FREE - and I'll put you on the road to being the type of guy she wants to keep instead of giving you the "let's just be friends" speech. Oh, let me say that word one more time:
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
Why did Nikki bring up the subject of cheating to you? This was your first HUGE Red Flag. And why would she even broach the topic of all these other men? Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “Did she want you to absolve her of her sins?”
But even though you don’t have “The System,” your gut – and your guardian angel – was telling you that something was awry with Nikki. What’s sad is that men have an ability to listen to their stomachs, but they very rarely do. This terrible moment was when you knew in the deepest part of your heart that you were out. And, like my cousin General Love says, “You were going out with a girl who was a community project.”
But why would you then have Nikki give up the names of the 48 guys she went to bed with? How is that going to make you feel better, Petey? I can tell without a doubt that you don’t have my book!
So Nikki lies to your face and only tells you the truth months later. In other words, you’re in love with a liar. Are you going to live with this liar for the next 35 years? Do you really want this liar to raise your daughters and teach them how to have Integrity and tell the truth? Think about that for a few seconds, Petey!
Of course you’re dead wrong to...
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