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She was all over him after they left the bar and then when she sobered up...
Here’s a head scratcher for you.
I met Candace through a friend. We had some beers, listened to some music, but when I tried to kiss her, she turned her head. I did not see her again for three months.
Candace is a cycling instructor, so I ended up going to a couple of her classes. She was training for a triathlon, so I invited her to go swimming. She begged off the first time, but when I asked her a second time, we ended up going and having lunch afterwards. That night we went to a bar and she told me about her last relationship, and how she was sad about it because she wanted to commit but the guy didn’t. She began to touch me and eventually said “Kiss me.” When we left the bar, she was all over me and invited me back to her place, where we made out for a few hours.
The very next day Candace’s attitude changed. She was distant, said she felt ashamed about what happened and she wanted me out of there quick. Later that night she sent me the following message. “You are a nice guy and I don’t want any of what happened to make you feel uncomfortable, I don’t want it to affect our friendship and activities (cycling and swimming), and I swear nothing like this will happen again under these circumstances.”
I waited a week to re-establish communication. I asked Candace to do something with me several times, but she said no. Finally, she told me, “I have to tell you some changes I’m going through. I’m trying again with my ex. Let’s talk one of these days.”
Of course I’m disappointed, but I’m also kind of perplexed. After all this, I found your columns and started reading. It seemed to me that Candace had high Interest Level. Yes, her boyfriend story and the way she came on strong should have been Red Flags, but what is a guy to do if a girl is all over him on the first date? Isn’t that already a high Interest Level indicator? Should I not have gotten romantic when she wanted to in order to create even more Challenge? Wouldn’t that have been interpreted as a rejection? What about her change of attitude the next day and the going back to a boyfriend who was supposedly bad for her after one week? I’d appreciate your take on this because it certainly has me baffled. Is it worth waiting for this girl? If yes, what should my next step be? If not, should I cut off contact with Candace completely or keep going to her cycling classes?
Van - whose head is spinning like a bicycle wheel
EVER HEAR "YOU'RE JUST TOO NICE TO DATE?"
Yeah - if you're GETTING SICK OF HEARING THAT then take my 7-day dating course FOR FREE - and I'll put you on the road to being the type of guy she wants to keep instead of giving you the "let's just be friends" speech. Oh, let me say that word one more time:
I see you don’t have my book! You kiss the girl on the mouth on her doorstep on the second date. Most girls say “he pushes too hard” about guys. That’s you, my friend, and you did it straight out of the gate.
When you didn’t see Candace for three months, that meant it was OVER. You get one shot per girl per lifetime and you had yours. So it was finished at that point.
But then you started hanging around Candace’s cycling class. Why? After a girl rejects you, why would you still chase her? And you kept pushing and twisted her arm to go swimming. You know what’s bad about this girl? Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “She makes you work too hard.” And what that tells you loud and clear is that SHE’S NOT INTERESTED in you. But since you don’t have my book, you don’t recognize any of these signs and what they mean.
It must have really made you feel good to hear all about Candace’s last boyfriend, Van! But then you went and made out with her all night, and couldn’t stop yourself from being in touch with her the next day. You’re absolutely butchering CHALLENGE, man! You know why she wanted you out of there quick? Because...
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