WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
You're out in the dating scene and it's like being on one of those reality shows where you're trying not to get voted off - but in this case it's your date deciding whether or not you get to move on with her - cue the commercial break and we'll find out what happens next!
If you follow the 3 tips below you increase your chances exponentially that you will have fun and be that guy that keeps progressing along to the boyfriend zone.
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TIP 1 - Be Selective
It's an overlooked thing that most guys miss when they're just "winging it" with women - but you have to start with a lady that is really interested.
Hey, I'm all about trying my luck and going out on dates to practice but if you really want to ensure that your dates are relaxing and fun then don't ask women out that aren't all about going out with you.
You've had those types of women before - the ones where you can literally "feel the heat" of her interest as she made it SO EASY to get her # and get a date with her as opposed to the girl that seemed to be half-enthused when you asked and ultimately called for a date.
It's all degrees of love - I call it INTEREST LEVEL in my dating relationship education course called THE SYSTEM - a woman that has 85% INTEREST LEVEL is going to be easier to get into the 90's (the boyfriend zone) because she starts out thinking you're the dude - as opposed the woman with 55% who figures "well, he seems nice enough, let's see what happens" and then you get knocked out of the box on date 3 because she finds a guy that pops her in the 87% range.
Isn't it more fun when she starts out way into you?
THOUSANDS OF MEN CHANGED THEIR LIVES WITH THE SYSTEM
Are you next?
Tip 2 - YOU Be Fun
Do not get caught up in whether you're scoring points or not.
I know you like her but if she feels that you're pressuring her in any fashion then you will be OUT.
I get that you want her to be your girlfriend at some point but you can't rush anything so you might as well just chill and laugh as much as you can because ultimately she will either like you or she won't - but you can certainly move towards the "won't" category by being uptight about whether or not things are progressing in your favor with her.
Women respond to MYSTERY and CHALLENGE so do not be that guy that she thinks she has all figured out on date 3 - be that guy that is having fun, showing her a good time and having her think at the end of the date: "Wow, I'd like to see him again - I wonder if he will call."
Tip 3 - Remember It's Sales
"Oh, I don't/won't/can't sell Doc - what are you talking about - I thought this was a dating column???!!!"
Gotta call you out on that one guy - just because you don't have "account manager" or "marketing consultant" or any other # of titles related to sales in your day job description DOES NOT mean you don't sell - you sell every day - because you're a human being.
Whether you know it or not you "sold" your current boss on hiring you at some point - and you "sold" your mom on the idea that it was okay to go to that great party campus 150 miles from home.
We are always trying to convince someone of something that works in our favor - even if it's just selling your best bud on the idea that there are more women at the sports bar down the street than he thinks there are.
Dating is no different my friend, you have to "sell her" on the idea that you are the boyfriend for her - that is if she's worth it.
All great salespeople do 3 things:
1. They don't take rejection personally - because there is a lot of it!
2. They keep records of what they did right and wrong and continually learn from their mistakes and make modifications based on the knowledge they accumulate.
3. They never give up and approach every new sale as a new beginning instead of being embittered by the sales they didn't make.
You have to adopt this mindset and not get all wrapped up in this girl - which I know is difficult if you really like her but if great salespeople can do it, so can you.
Remember that at the end of the day you don't need her as much as the salesperson needs to eat - because if they don't make the sale they don't get paid - you just get your ego bruised a little bit!
Also, the more prospects (women) you have in the hopper, the better - it makes you less anxious to "get the deal done" with any one girl.
You can lay back, relax, have fun and not worry about what Leah does or does not do on Thursday night because you have a date with the beautiful Brooke on Saturday night.
The less anxious you are about any one date the better!
Remember guys, if you follow the 3 tips above you will have much more fun with the ladies in your life - and that's what it's all about!
JOIN THE DISCUSSION BELOW and tell me what you think or ask anything you'd like - thanks for reading!
Dear Doc and Jeff,
I have been dating a girl for 5 weeks and she is still active on match.com. What is her interest level? She texts me a lot and she seems to be into me. I just have a hard time reading her interest level. Let me know what you think. Thanks for everything.
Just like her you should be active on Match as well. Remember, she’s not your girlfriend until she asks and you’re at least 10-12 dates in. It’s reasonable to expect both of you to still be active looking for other people. If she’s texting a lot, accepting dates, touching you, kissing at the end of dates and not breaking dates then you’re fine – but you have to go out with other women too.
Also, you have to forget about texting her so much – see if you can limit that – do you really want to text her for the next 40 years if you two get together? It’s a bad habit to start but now if you’re doing it you can’t all of a sudden cut it off. I suggest you call me on the radio show at http://www.datingwomenradioshow.com on Wednesdays for some specific ways to start weaning off all this texting.
Good luck man.
Dear Doc and Jeff,
I called in last night. I mentioned how I went out on four dates with Caprice and the 5th was a meet up in her car.I thought making out was ok. I thought as a system guy I shouldn’t have sex with a girl until she is my wife. I have the system but I never knew making out was a no-no. What page in the system is that on? Also when she asked me to pick her up at her gym for the date what should I have said? On a side note she texts me inspirational quotes all the time and gave me a nickname. I did say she referred to me as a friend to her church friends. She has never broken a date and makes things pretty easy.How can I fix this situation? You said on the show last nite that she has no romantic interest in me. Also I am no longer taking her to the National park but the zoo now. I never tell her where we are going on dates and I also said no to going to church with her. I appreciate your help. You and Jeff are amazing. Let me know what I can do to turn this situation around. I clearly don’t know the system as well as I thought.Thanks again.
You bring up a lot of stuff here that it would be better for us to go back and forth on during the next show – can you call in then? For guys reading this we will post the .mp3 file of Michael’s call because he brings up a lot of good questions that I think would help a lot of you.
Thanks for your support Michael – and let me know if you can call in so we can address your questions.
Dear Doc and Jeff,
Yes I can call in next week. I am a Doc love club member and I have the book and the audio book. Thanks for everything.
Awesome – thanks Michael
Doc, AMAIK you recommend that men should be with one, and one woman only. In the system you have said that the formula is to accept that we’re not gonna kiss a girl for the rest of our lives. So, what is it to date multiple women simaltaneously? I just can’t understand. I don’t like a girl who is with many guys, even in dating phase.
Here’s the deal – and only you can determine what you can accept – but the REALITY FACTOR says that women “get” dating better than we men do and never fool yourself into thinking that an attractive woman doesn’t have more than just you in her life when you’re just dating. If you followed her around on a daily basis you’d be STUNNED as to the amount of times she gets hit on.
This is why THE SYSTEM is so important because while she has all those guys circling around her, you’re different – you’re the guy that is laying back and piquing her interest and making her WANT to get rid of the other guys.
I think you’d have a better chance of winning the lottery than you would of finding an attractive woman that is talking to you and you alone while you’re dating.
THE SYSTEM protects you though because while she’s talking to other guys – you’re talking to other women and ONLY COMMITTING TO HER WHEN SHE’S EARNED IT AND SHOWS SHE REALLY WANTS YOU AND YOU ALONE.
Remember Saeed, it’s always the woman’s idea – which is why I focus exclusively on the female Interest Level.
I hope this helped you.
What I can’t understand is that you feel absolutely nothing for one beautiful woman and then you develop intense feelings for another equally beautiful woman. Why does the one woman keep popping up in your mind and you keep checking up everything she and her friends do in Facebook? This game of love is hopelessly unfair in favor of the woman with the man almost hopelessly powerless despite everything.
I disagree that man is powerless – I teach guys in THE SYSTEM (https://www.doclove.com/system/) to exercise SELF-CONTROL in all things – including their interest in her.