He Wants To Know If He Can Date A LIAR?

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In this week's post, this guy wants to know if he can date a LIAR???

PROGRAMMING NOTE - NO ARTICLE ON SATURDAY, 9/5/2026 DUE TO THE LABOR DAY HOLIDAY

Hi Doc,

My name is Tom and I have a problem with a girl that I have been seeing. My wife of 12 years had passed away ten months ago and I am now forcing myself to start dating again. I met Dana through a mutual friend, so she was aware that I am a widower, and she already knows about some of my past.

I went out with her a few times and we really hit it off. The problem is that after the second date she tells me that she has been “seeing” someone for two years. Before we even went on a date I specifically asked if she had a boyfriend and she said “no.”

She continued to tell me that she was unhappy with her boyfriend because he had previously cheated on her for a year. After that they broke up, but he eventually talked her into getting back together. She also said that he’s always too busy for her and that she is tired of always being last on his list.

I have heard that her parents hate this boyfriend and a lot of her friends have stopped talking to her because of him. I told her that if her dating me was becoming a problem for her that I was willing to just be friends. Her reply was that she was confused and didn’t know how long we could last as just friends. Besides that, she would always wonder what it would be like to be a couple with me.

The last time I saw her she came over to my house after being stood up by the boyfriend and was all over me, so I know that there is some type of attraction. But lately I feel that I am being treated as second fiddle to the boyfriend.

It seems that she’s calling the shots and will only see me when the boyfriend isn’t around, and it seems like I am the one who does all of the calling.

I do think that I screwed up on the first few times that I was with her, because I was trying to sell myself to her that I was the better choice, so I told her that I really liked her and I then sent her flowers. I know that those were mistakes from reading your materials but I want to see if I can do something right now to become a Challenge to her. I really like her and would like to win her over. I just bought your program but I need some advice right away before I do something else stupid.

Thanks,

Tom – who is still learning

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Hi Tom,

You can say that again, you are definitely still learning. Never tell a woman whom you’re attracted to that you’re willing to just be friends. It’s a pathetically weak and wimpy thing to do.

But let’s back up. This girl is easier to read than a stop sign. Right out of the chute she gave you a giant red flag. You asked her if she had a boyfriend and she told you that she didn’t. Then when you saw her again she told you that she DID have a boyfriend! So, Tom before you even had your first date with her she lied to you. She’s a liar. That right there is enough to disqualify her as a potential partner.

And here you are now, getting all emotionally psyched up about her. You’d never go into business with a liar, why would you consider pursuing a romantic relationship with one? Use some common sense dude!

And I’ll tell you something else, Tom; she’s not confused. You’re the one who’s confused. She’s got you completely bamboozled and you've signed up for all of it.

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This gal Dana is obviously a phony and a stroker. She throws you a bone to get you hooked and gives you a glimmer of hope so she can keep you around as her butler and therapist. But the way things have played out so far, I’d say a team that starts out 0-12 in an NFL season will win a title that year before you’ll ever be lovers with this woman.

Tom, she’s not worth trying to win over. But if you’d like to use her to practice at being strong with a woman instead of weak, I’ll tell you what you can do. Just as an experiment, become a Negative Challenge to her like her boyfriend is. Stand her up, put her down and be a jerk like him. That’ll get her hooked on you, but you won’t want to keep what you wind up with.

Remember, guys, she cannot teach your kids to be honest if she doesn’t know how.