She’s Talking To Another Guy???

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(Editor's Note, this letter was written before Doc's death in August, 2020 but still relevant as Doc's principles are timeless).

Hey Doc,

What is it with women these days?

A friend of mine took me to a really cool bar last weekend. We happened to run into an old acquaintance of his, Audrey, who I’d never met. There was instant chemistry between us. She was just the sweetest thing! We were both a little tipsy, but that only added to the fun we were having. We had so much in common. We’re in pretty much the same business; she likes the same kind of music and has the same sense of humor. About a half-hour into our conversation, she asked me if I was seeing someone and told me that she was single. I was getting ready to ask her for her phone number because it looked like the whole thing just couldn’t get any better -- and it didn’t!

All of a sudden she jumped up from her seat and started talking to this guy who was walking by. I mean, she actually went up to him and struck up a conversation! They stood there talking for quite some time, and she completely ignored me. “Do you know this guy?” I asked my buddy. He didn’t. “Did I say something wrong?” He told me I had actually said a few things to her that were “out of character” coming from me (hey, I
was just trying to be funny!), but nothing that might have put her off.  He always has great luck with the ladies and just KNOWS how to talk to them, so I took his word for it.

Thirty minutes into Audrey’s conversation with Mister Unknown, I decided that it was time for a “strategic withdrawal” because she just seemed very deeply absorbed in their little chat and never even once looked at me again. On the way out, I walked past her and said the usual: nice talking to you and see you around. I was going to ask for her phone number, but decided not to when she gave me a distinctly indifferent look.

So Doc, what happened? My friend said he could get me Audrey’s phone number if I want it and maybe put in a word for me, but I figure it’s best to let it go. Maybe that guy was just an old friend, but then why did
she ignore me?

Guy - who’s still scratching his head

Hi Guy,

What is it with women these days? Pal, let me enlighten you: if you don’t do absolutely everything right, you’re history! That’s what’s with women these days!

When Audrey asked you if you were seeing someone, I’d like to know what you answered. What you should have said was “I’m seeing three girls right now. It gets a little tricky, as you might imagine.” And then smiled. But I have a feeling, Guy, that you didn’t. I have the feeling you that you tamely said “No one at all! I’m available, especially for you!”

I don’t doubt for a second that you and Audrey had a lot in common. But did you ever think she might have had a lot in common with this new guy in the bar too? Maybe she’s got a lot in common with all kinds of guys, because the only commonality she’s looking for is the fact that you’re all males! And you had something in common with Mister Unknown, too. You got 30 minutes, and he got 30 minutes.

To top it off, when she set eyes on Mister Unknown, Audrey completely ignored you. Sounds like a real classy lady you were rapping with!

When you say you were trying to be funny, buddy, I need you to give me some specifics. You guys have a tendency to give me fuzzy generalities that really don’t tell me much of anything. Remember, you have to report exactly what happened in order for me to hone in on what your problem is (aside from the fact that you’re trying to win over someone who looks like a double for Shakira!). But I’ll take your word that you were just kidding with Audrey.

When she got so deeply absorbed in a conversation with the new fellow, you should have strolled around the bar and talked to as many women as you could and pretended like Audrey didn’t exist, instead of just standing there waiting for this woman to notice you again. You might have picked up some phone numbers while you were at it. Remember to do that the next time you realize you’re getting deep-sixed by some lady at a bar.

And why in the world would you go up to her and say “Nice talking to you” after she just spent the last half-hour insulting you by draping herself all over another guy like a cheap suit?

But dude, you should have asked for Audrey’s phone number anyway. In fact, you should have asked for it right in front of that other guy. I don’t care if she’s standing there with her parents – you have to go after that phone number. Don’t waste your time being polite and considerate.

You want to know what happened with this woman? You didn’t have 10 dates in with her. Until that happens, nothing means anything. You have absolutely no beachhead unless you have at least those 10 dates in with a girl.

Why would you want your friend to put in a word for you, Guy? You’re already out, man! You don’t have to worry about letting anything go. Audrey lost interest in you the minute she leaped off that bar stool and did a 9.1-second dash after Mister Unknown. It was a pretty good indication that she was giving you the heave-ho when she pretended she couldn’t tell you from the waiter.

But I don’t care if that guy was her brother who was living in Japan and she hadn’t seen him in 10 years. She could have introduced you to him, she could have been polite to you, she could have bowed out gracefully -- but like I said, this woman has no class and no manners.

Why did she ignore you, Guy? Because you had her mixed up with someone who had high Interest Level. And let me remind you again – there’s no comparison between 30 minutes of conversation and 10 full dates.

At the end of the day, Guy, your expectations were way too high. Just because a woman talks to you for a half-hour doesn’t mean anything. Remember that – it means nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Remember, guys: when the ether wears off, you’re out.