HAVING THINGS IN COMMON WITH HER DOES NOT MEAN SHE'LL BE INTERESTED IN YOU!
THE SYSTEM says that you cannot talk a woman into having INTEREST LEVEL for you and that includes having things in common with her - as our reader found out the hard way.
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Dating Women Podcast #139
139: When Dating Women It’s Easy To Get Into The Trap Of Comparison Which Can Limit Your Chances
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I met Scarlett at a party recently. We are in the same profession and are both passionate about what we do. (We’re journalists, by the way.) We got to talking, and it wasn’t at all awkward because we were the only two people in the group that were familiar with each other’s lingo, like scoops, tips, AP style, etc.
I got Scarlett’s number and asked her out, but she said she had to work on the weekend. We chatted a few times on the phone, but lately she’s kind of been fading, even though I would sometimes share with her a news tip or something like that.
Now she’s gone completely silent. I was romantically interested in Scarlett, but now I would prefer that we just be friends, because I love talking to her about my journalistic interests. Why she would want to throw that connection away is beyond me.
Doc, I had a similar situation happen another time with Brandy, who was into the same hobbies as me, sci-fi movies and gaming. When we first talked in person (we met at an event), it was like no other people in the room existed. We added each other on Facebook, but her responses faded too.
It’s great to have at least a friend to have something in common with. Why would these women, who I have so much in common with, want to shut me out completely? The way I see it, if we were friends it might grow into something more.
Sometimes I feel like coming right out and saying to these women, “Hey, I know you’re not interested in me, but can we at least be friends so we can talk about all that great stuff we have in common?”
Woody - who can’t figure them out
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER IN A SECOND BUT FIRST...
To start with, instead of asking Scarlett out for the weekend, you should have asked her out for Sunday through Thursday. I know for sure that you don’t own “The System,” because you would have known that when you go after a woman, you never ask her out for the weekend, and Sunday is not included in that. The weekend is really Friday and Saturday. But you could have asked Scarlett out for Sunday through Thursday, which you would have learned if you had my book. But since you don’t, you asked her out for the wrong time.
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But here’s the real problem. You are a guy who Scarlett is not romantically attracted to or interested in. Just because you happen to work in the same field, it does not mean that she wants to go out with you. It was nice that you had something in common, but you didn’t pass the Physical Attraction Test. Again, since you don’t have “The System” you don’t even know what that is.
Now let me explain something to you. Scarlett didn’t throw the connection of your journalism careers away. What she threw away was the possibility of you being her future boyfriend. Big difference! She doesn’t want to go out with you because she’s looking for a boyfriend and you’re not going to be that guy. So she’s not saying to herself that she wants to make you her friend because you’re both in the newspaper business. Get it?
Think you have what it takes to succeed by just reading these articles? You don't - these articles give you an insight into how I think but you need my book so if you really want to be successful with women you need THE SYSTEM. Still not convinced? Read my "YOU CHANGED MY LIFE" letters.
Let me explain something else to you. You say that with Brandy it was like no one else in the room existed – but that was only in YOUR mind. What was going on in HER mind? To you Psych majors, it’s good to have something in common with her when you want to get something going – this is called the Law Of Commonality -- but you have to switch that off and she has to look at you ROMANTICALLY, and these women are not looking at you romantically because you don’t have “The System.” You don’t know how to parlay the Law Of Commonality into getting her to look at you romantically. And so when she gets turned off to you romantically, she doesn’t automatically think to herself that she wants to be friends with you. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “People don’t think that way.”
Then Brandy started to fade. Dude, you shouldn’t be on Facebook. Again, you’re butchering the principles of “The System,” which you don’t even have. You’re totally clueless when it comes to women and dating. It’s true that it’s nice to have something in common with these women, but again, they aren’t interested in you romantically, and that’s what you missed.
The reason these women shut you out completely is that they don’t go from looking at you as a potential boyfriend to wanting to be friends with you because you have something in common. Their minds simply don’t work like that. They think, “I’m not interested in this guy romantically, so I’m moving on.” They’re not looking for friends. They are looking for a romantic partner and you whiffed there.
When you say being friends might grow into something more, it proves you don’t know “The System” at all. Woody, you need to pass the Physical Attraction Test first so that her Interest Level is ABOVE 50% right out of the chute. That’s what gives you a real shot with her, not that you have the same interests. Again, since you don’t have my book, you’re completely in the dark on all of these subtleties.
If you ever come right out and say “Can’t we at least be friends” after she rejects you, she’s going to laugh right in your face.
Remember, guys: just because you have something in common doesn’t mean she digs you romantically.