NEVER LET HER LECTURE YOU
THE SYSTEM says that you will meet a cross-section of women. You will not have every date be a good one - in fact you will run into a lot of LOUSY dates. However, if you have a lousy date don't let a woman lecture you like our reader did.
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I’m 31 years young and a loyal Doc Love Club member.
I’ve been going on more dates that I can shake a stick at and meeting them primarily through a dating app. I’m having decent success in setting up the dates, finding some good women, and weeding out the bad ones. Here’s my situation.
I asked Tammy out for coffee last Tuesday at Starbucks. Her energy was low at first then picked up. She didn’t keep eye contact at all throughout the date. She talked most of the time and I kept things light and funny and asked her questions, like you preach. I got her to talk about herself, her hometown and her family, etc. and her nursing studies. Then she started asking me questions. I always deflect the question “What do you do?” and answer with, “I like to travel and fish.” She pressed me on my job, so I snapped back with, “I’m actually homeless, unemployed, and I’m hoping this works out since I could use a place to stay tonight” with a grin on my face. She laughed and whenever she pressed the point I kept joking.
I waited six days and called Tammy. When I asked her out, she said “Didn’t we already go out on a date?” She then said it was the worst experience of her life. At first I thought she was just messing with me, but she was dead serious and said she felt awkward the entire time, that I didn’t have a personality, and who meets at a Starbucks at 7 PM on a Tuesday? She added that I made her feel even more awkward when I said I was homeless. Instead of firing back, I remained calm and said, “Well, I wouldn’t want you to feel awkward and we probably shouldn’t go on another date.” She then said, “You need to rethink your strategy. I’m not trying to be mean, but after such a disastrous first date, you just randomly call me up and ask me out on date? Who does that?”
After a conversation that went on for too long, I said good night and hung up. Doc, I’d like your thoughts on the matter. I like women to get to know me as a person rather than revealing my profession – which is physician’s assistant, by the way. I’d also appreciate your thoughts on how I handled the follow-up phone call. I feel like I should have just ended things immediately when she said that she had a bad time rather than hearing her out, but I was curious what she thought.
While I know you say not to take women personally, I’m a little dinged up from that call.
Jimmy - who still has a lot to learn
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER IN A SECOND BUT FIRST...
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It sounds like you’re doing a great job of following my principles to the point where you’re able to weed out women who don’t meet the specifications of “The System.” The most important thing is to keep listening to my radio shows and studying my book. Because if you do that, what will happen is that your sales presentation will get better with time. But remember, you have to constantly study, listen to my radio shows and take notes.
Now, what you should have said to Tammy was that you were in the medical field instead of that you were homeless. You might be a top surgeon or you might park cars at a hospital – in other words, you could have satisfied her curiosity without giving away the store. Then you could have added that you liked to fish and travel. The point was that you should have given Tammy a little something to go on. You were trying to be funny, but the joke fell flat and she didn’t think it was funny. So this woman might be a little on the structured side and doesn’t have much of a sense of humor.
WHAT??? YOU didn't sign up for my free 7-day dating course yet? Did you not understand the word FREE?
Tammy does have a point that you could have made your Starbucks date a little earlier in the day – say 3:30 or 4 in the afternoon. In your defense, however, she was nit-picking and using her complaint about the time of the date as an excuse. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “She just didn’t like you, man.” And that’s all there was to it.
But you mentioned that you have been out with women who do like you. Remember, you’re going to meet a cross-section of women, Jimmy. You just picked out the worst woman you met and wrote me a letter about it. So don’t panic or go overboard here on account of one failed date.
That said, Tammy was wrong for criticizing you for calling her. You obviously thought you had good date with her and she didn’t. She isn’t good dating material for you, my friend.
These articles give you a lot but there are key elements that you're missing if you don't have my book so if you really want to be successful with women you need THE SYSTEM. Still not convinced? Read my "YOU CHANGED MY LIFE" letters.
You say the conversation with Tammy went on for too long. When she told you she thought the date was a bad experience, you should have said you were sorry she felt that way and that you think she’s a nice person, then hung up. Your mistake was you hung around for the beating. Tammy was sadistic. She went on for 10 minutes about what a lousy date you were. Here you’re just learning “The System” and trying to better yourself and she just steamrolls you like a tank. Again though, you’re being selective. By your own admission, other women have dug you and you’re just selecting the worst-case scenario. That’s a mistake on your part.
You’re dinged up because you let Tammy get to you. As soon as she got negative with you, you should have said “I’m sorry you feel that way, but I think you’re really a nice girl and have a great personality and I’m sorry it didn’t work out with us. Thanks for your input. Goodbye!”
Remember, guys: when she puts you down, don’t hang around for the beating.