Age Gap Too Big??? | Doc Love - Dating Advice For Men

Dating Women Advice: Does Jake Gyllenhaal Stay Away From Twenty-Somethings?

THEY'RE TOO YOUNG FOR HIM?

THE SYSTEM ​says​ ​you need to pay attention to age gaps.  While he's having fun with 20-somethings chasing him at age 43 he is setting himself up for failure.

Read the article below but first we have some audio extras for you:

Dating Women Podcast #117

117:  When Dating Women Don’t Believe The Hype Of Dating Site Commercials, Is The Word Sure Bad, How To Not Get Down Over Broken Dates & More

Dating Women Radio Show

Call us and
listen every Wednesday at 5:00 p.m. PT / 8:00 p.m. ET

855-345-7465 (US Toll Free - lower 48)
646-668-8937 (Alaska, Hawaii, International)

READER'S QUESTION

Hey Doc,

I’ve got a problem and you’re the one to blame!

I discovered your work after a terrible breakup, like 90% of your students. When I found you, I found the truth. I became obsessed with “The System.” I’ve read your book more than 15 times, tested myself with Mastery, and I got to a point where I have listened to all your past shows not once, but twice and sometimes more. I’ve read all the archives. I read and listen to “The System” every day. I’ve been testing your material on the street, and I have to say that your principles are spot on. I’ve absorbed “The System” emotionally, to the point where when I listen to your radio show or read the letters from your students, I know what your response will be 95% of the time. I say 95% because I’m still learning. I have no idea how you were able to unveil the truth, but I can only say that you are the messenger and I’m really glad that I found your work.

Since I started using your principles, I’ve valued every chance I had to get dates. I only looked at the girl’s Interest Level and took every date as a learning experience. I’m blessed with good genetics and I’ve always taken care of myself. Besides that, I’m in a successful band. Even though I look much younger (still have all my hair, no gray hair, I’m fit, few wrinkles on my face), I’m 43 years young (by the way, when they ask my age, I use your line: “I’m 74,” and I always get points for that).

My problem is peculiar. Ninety percent of the dates I get are with girls in their twenties. Not only that, but we’re talking about 9s and 10s in the looks department. I know most men will laugh and say that this is a problem every man wants, but I know the long-term odds are not in my favor. Adding to the problem, the women in their thirties that I go out with have Scars and Baggage (bad experiences with men, divorces, kids, etc.), and others are desperate to have children.

I’m still searching and getting lots of coffee dates. From all the women that I’ve dated in the process, there are two “System” girls with high Interest Level (90%), no Red Flags yet, great Attitude, sweet, and very intelligent. But both are 25 and both are knockouts. I’m getting to the seventh date with each of them, and I see it’s heading to the point where they will each ask me to be the boyfriend soon.

Doc, they say there is no fool like an old fool. Should I dump these babes and try to find a woman nearer my age, or should I keep going out with these young girls and watch them like hawk?

Eugene - who’s having the best year of his life

Hey Doc,

 

I bought “The System,” and I’m following it with Kimberly, who I happen to be dating. And it’s worked liked a charm, especially the concept of Challenge.  So I’m very grateful for your principles!

 

Kimberly and her ex-boyfriend broke up a year ago. She informed me of this during our first date. It was the only time that she mentioned her ex and she hasn’t mentioned him since.

 
I’ve deliberately tried to keep my interest in Kimberly in check, though I’m highly attracted to her. She always initiates contact with me and flirts constantly. I don’t usually return the flirting -- I always keep it cool. She even makes travel plans for us. I keep my mouth shut whenever she makes any plans for the future. I comment that they’re quite interesting and leave it at that. We rarely call and text each other. When we’re together -- which isn’t all that often as per your coaching -- we just enjoy each other’s company. 


Here’s my problem. My gut seems to be telling me that Kimberly is coming on too strong because she’s not really over her ex. It’s like she’s trying to convince herself that she’s in love with me and that I’m the one for her.

 

Kimberly is Beautiful, nice, charming and a Giver. But since my own breakup with my long-term girlfriend years ago, I’ve made a habit of keeping things cool with any women I meet. I just don’t want to experience the devastation of a broken heart again. By going in very slow, I can analyze what any woman’s intentions are and always stay in control of myself.


So Doc, do you think Kimberly is on the rebound? I’d like your input on this since you’re so good at reading women. My opinion is that if Kimberly is indeed on the rebound, then it’s time for me to pack up and leave.

 

Nills - who is always on guard 

 

Hey Doc,

 

I’m a longtime follower of “The System.” I’m 51, look 41, and act 31. I’ve made my rounds on the online dating sites since divorcing five years ago and have taken my lumps, learned a lot, and fortunately found your book last year.

 

Courtney is 42, with two children age 17 and eight. We met on a dating site three weeks ago. We exchanged phone numbers and she immediately called and we had a nice conversation. We’re both single parents with busy lives, so the only date we could set up was for eight days later.

 

On Wednesday we got together for 90 minutes over dinner. The conversation was light, funny, no discussion of relationships or exes. I walked Courtney to her car and we hugged in the parking lot. She said “Give me a call so we can meet up again.” Fifteen minutes later she texted me that she got home safely and thanked me for the good company. I had told her a funny little story about some goofy sunglasses I had and she said she was still giggling about it and asked me to send her a picture of me wearing them.

Anyway, that was last Wednesday and I waited until Sunday night to call her with a plan to ask her out for next Wednesday or Thursday. She didn’t answer, so I left a message to give me a call back. Since then, five days ago, nothing.

When I told this story to two female friends, both were adamant that because I didn’t call or text Courtney the day after the date, she figured I have no interest and therefore wasn’t going to return a phone call from me that was four days too late. They both said that if their husband or boyfriend had done what I did after the first date they would have written them off and ignored them altogether. They also said it’s possible Courtney didn’t see the message or that her child may have intercepted her phone and erased it. They both claimed that by failing to call her I dropped her Interest Level. They called me stubborn and controlling and said that I should call or text Courtney immediately so she knows I’m interested. 

What gives, Doc? Should I try calling again or throw Courtney’s number away? 

Chucky - who’s trying to follow your rules

Hey Doc,

 

I am a long-time follower and really respect your work.


I stumbled across a study recently which showed that women rated 80% of all males as below medium attractiveness. On the other side, males rated women on a bell curve of normal distribution. The inference was that women are only significantly physically attracted to the top 20% of men -- i.e., the ones who look like actors or models. Women’s standards were shown to be unreasonable (and dare I say delusional!) while men’s weren’t, despite what the popular culture around us constantly repeats like a mantra -- that men’s standards of female beauty are unfair to women and objectify them! 


This really surprised me, but has explained my online dating experience. I estimate myself as around a 6 or 7, and while I do match up with a few women on dating sites, the numbers are low, and generally the women are unresponsive, lethargic, have little interest, are flakey or can’t be bothered to write back. I also generally try for women a tad below what I feel is equivalent to myself in attractiveness if I find something intriguing about them. But even these women (4s and 5s) largely reject my advances as not good enough for them. These are women around the same age as me (29) who have very little interest even in someone (based on my estimates) who is more attractive than they are. So I’m not talking about pursuing Beautiful Women here! In real life, I’ve had similar experiences: women around my physical attractiveness level are very difficult to court (they are generally uninterested), but I get a lot of unwanted incoming interest from 2s to 4s, who I am uninterested in. I’m not being shallow, but I just don’t see it as a fair trade, that I should be with an overweight woman when I have an athletic physique.


“The System” says that dating is a numbers game, but the above study really shocked me. This also explains why the divorce rate is so high: women feel unfulfilled and resentment sets in. They are now saying the rate of young married couples is the lowest it has ever been in the history of the Western world and that the trend will continue. My buddies who are fairly average looking but totally decent guys do even worse than me. They have admitted that they have gotten zero matches/responses in online dating -- NOTHING! It’s as if they don’t exist. This is really depressing. Meanwhile, average women complain about their dating experiences and their troubles with guys, and the reason is, most of them are chasing the most attractive men and getting burned! They are, generally speaking, batting out of their league and feel entitled.


Doc, do you agree with the study’s findings? How can a decent average guy expect to pass the “Physical Attraction Test” when the average woman is deluded and thinks she deserves a GQ model?

 

Bucky - who feels defeated

Hey Doc,

 

I’ve been married twice and am currently still on my second marriage. The first marriage ultimately did not work out because my wife at the time wasn’t much of a team player in my time of need. She later tried to get back with me, but I felt that I couldn’t trust being with someone who was not fully in my corner from day one.

 

A few years later, I met Chanel, a very attractive fashionista lady, on a dating site. I was lonely and not on my “A” game, so you could say that I was a desperado. But she accepted me flaws and all. We dated for five years until I got back on my feet and we decided to take the plunge and get married.

 

The problem is that Chanel has low Self-Esteem and will not address her recent weight gain issues. She also has spending issues (I found out that she went bankrupt before I knew her), but I still married her out of love. Also, she’s not nearly as ambitious as I would like her to be and doesn’t like it if I suggest that she try getting bigger and better things out of life and that she has to work hard for them. She recently abandoned a career that she’d been pursuing for many years, and I feel that financially we are going to be a wreck if this trend continues.

 

Chanel now says that she wants to start a business but doesn’t like my suggestions even though I have much more experience in that area. Another problem is that since we’ve been married our intimacy level has dropped tremendously from the years when we were dating.

 

I’m beginning to think that being married is overrated. Chanel acted a certain way when we were dating (good Attitude and Flexible) but is turning out to be someone else, or we just may be growing apart. I will say that one good thing is that we rarely argue, but I’m beginning to wonder if I made the right choice. In hindsight, maybe I should have waited until I had my stuff more together before trying to find a significant other because as they say, you attract who you are.

 

Doc, do you think my marriage is doomed and that I’m wasting my time? Ultimately, I think Chanel wants to just be a stay-at-home mom and taken care of, but that is not really feasible due to our financial situation. Some have suggested marriage counseling, but I don’t know if this can be fixed.

 

Your thoughts, Doc?

 

Jamie - who is sinking into depression over it

DOC LOVE'S ANSWER IN A SECOND BUT FIRST...

FREE 7-DAY DATING COURSE!!!

What is the key to women?  Why are the first 60 days so important?  How do you approach?  ALL meat and NO potatoes and ABSOLUTELY FREE - get SEVEN FULL DAYS OF DATING ADVICE delivered to your email ASAP

Hi Eugene,

What you have done is what ALL students should do. They should read my book at least 15 times, join the Doc Love Club, read and listen to the archives and they should test themselves with Mastery. Dude, you did everything right! And that’s why you’re getting 95% of my answers correct – and you’re a success with women and in life.

And it’s perfect that you’re using my line about being 74 years young. That’s what you’re supposed to do – go with the flow and defuse with HUMOR. Again, you’re doing everything right, my friend.

WHAT??? YOU didn't sign up for my free 7-day dating course yetDid you not understand the word FREE?

All of that said, you really have to have someone older, Eugene. The girls that you’re getting involved with are simply too young. On the other hand, it’s great that “The System” is working so effectively and giving you more women to choose from than you ever could have dreamed before you read it.

You have to get someone between 33 to 43 years of age for a successful long-term relationship. That would be the lowest range that would be safe for you, buddy. Now, you did not mention whether or not you want kids, so if you don’t want kids of your own, take a woman who already has one that you might want to adopt. That’s something that you have to think about, Eugene.

These articles give you a lot but there are key elements that you're missing if you don't have my book so if you really want to be successful with women you need THE SYSTEM. Still not convinced?  Read my "YOU CHANGED MY LIFE" letters.

Regarding the twenty-somethings you have on the line, it would be best if you cut both of them loose. Eventually the age difference is going to rear its ugly head and you’re going to have issues with these 25-year-olds. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “It’s called life experience!”

So yes, you have to get rid of these young babes, and find someone closer in age who has the same life experience. Good luck.

Remember, guys: if you have someone too young, you’ll have to hire a food-taster.

Nills, you should always keep things cool with all of the women you meet, so you’re doing the right thing, and that’s exactly what “The System” says you should do. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “You have to go in cool.” So it’s good that you’re playing your cards close to your chest. And going in slowly, analyzing a woman’s intentions and staying in control of yourself is precisely the right thing to do. “The System” teaches you all about Self-Control and patience, which is what you have to learn.

Nevertheless, you want a girlfriend in addition to your wife. What are you going to do with this girlfriend? Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “You don’t even know what to do with your wife!” So how can you expect to handle a new woman when you can’t handle the one you’ve got?

Now you’re infatuated with Eva. And you’re blabbing about your personal life to her. Otis, you shouldn’t be talking about your personal life to another woman. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “You have to show some class here!”

Eva might be hot and charming – but you’re married and she’s married! And you’re just a good friend to her. Brotherly, sisterly -- whatever you want to call it. That’s the way Eva looks at you – as nothing but a sibling. Plus you’re both married!

Now think about this realistically, which you haven’t been doing. Eva has to leave her husband and child and get divorced, and you have to leave your wife and child and get divorced in order for something to happen between the two of you. Do you realize how much has to happen for you to get together with Eva? And she doesn’t even have an Interest Level in you! My gosh, Otis, she calls you sister!

Here’s the brutal truth of the matter: Eva is looking for fun and nothing more. She views you as her fun-loving sister. There’s nothing more to it. 

What really happened here is that a HUGE RED FLAG appeared when Taylor lost it on you. She’s not a bad person, but she’s just not good material for a long-term relationship, and unless you want to play her girlfriend and psychiatrist for the rest of your life – which you won’t want to do – this thing can’t go on. As a result of her issues, your Interest Level is going to drop. So Taylor has what we call SCARS. And they can’t be overcome.

 

Remember the 90/10 rule, my friend. You look for the 10% that’s bad with a woman and 90% that’s good. With Taylor’s Self-Esteem so low, you’ve got more than 10% bad here, sorry to say. And that’s why you have to drop her.

 

Remember, guys: if she doesn’t like herself, she never will.

Hi Chucky,

This woman appears to have had high interest in you and everything on your date went perfectly, which was a good start. But one of the reasons that you’re not supposed to call within two days is because you want to work Challenge on a woman. Every other guy calls within two days. Doing that slaughters Challenge. And the bad part is that women have come to expect it whether they have 51% interest in you or they have 100% interest. So, like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “Since all guys do it and all women want it, why not just ask her to get married on the first date?”

The biggest complaint that women have about dating single guys is that THEY RUSH INTO A RELATIONSHIP. “The System” on the other hand teaches men to SLOW DOWN. When you slow down, the woman’s Interest Level goes up – UNLESS she has low Self-Esteem or she’s structured. So when those women don’t get back to you or accept a date, “The System” is actually PROTECTING you against women who are uptight or don’t like themselves. So while it appears that you did the wrong thing by waiting to call Courtney, in reality what you did was weed out a woman who isn’t good romantic relationship material. 

The reason women get divorced and fall out of love with men is because guys don’t use the MAINTENANCE PROGRAM of “The System.” Lack of fulfillment and resentment comes because they have low Interest Level in their husbands or boyfriends. So it’s not on account of their looks, but because the guy either doesn’t have “The System” or doesn’t follow it.

 

Your friends that look worse than you either don’t have “The System” or haven’t memorized it. Are they going to a dance or improv class? Are they constantly studying my book and trying to improve themselves? Or are they just sitting back and complaining?

 

No, I don’t agree with the study’s findings. I think the results are a half-truth. 

 

Remember, guys: you only need one good woman – you don’t need 10.

Hi Jamie,

 

When you tell me that a woman was not in your corner from day one, it means you married a taker instead of a Giver. A Giver would have been in your corner from the very beginning. If you’d had “The System,” you would have studied your first wife for two years and found out that she wasn’t a Giver, and you wouldn’t have married her. So you can blame all of your problems on not going by “The System.”

 

Dude, Chanel should want to be thin, or at least a normal weight. You can’t now say to her, “Honey, I love you but you’re fat!” Again, this goes back to the type of woman you chose. And the fact that you’re not familiar with “The System” does not help you with your choice of partners! Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “When it comes to picking them, you don’t know what you’re doing, my son.”

 

Sadly, Jamie, you really didn’t marry Chanel out of love – you married her out of need. There’s a big difference. Your wife has low Self-Esteem and she’s overweight and she doesn’t know how to handle money. What that means is that she’s unhealthy and we live in an economic society. So she woman is a loser. But like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “Too bad she don’t know how to lose weight!”

 

The fact that Chanel is showing all of these undesirable traits now that you’re married is the very point of studying my materials and dating for two years. What that means is that you would have recognized these undesirable qualities if you’d been following “The System.” You shouldn’t be finding out all of this stuff after you got married. And that’s your problem, guy. And you did this with both of your wives. The really sad part is that if you’d had my book, you wouldn’t have married either one of these women and created all of this anguish for yourself.

 

Jamie, you picked not one, but two losers here. With your choices of women, marriage is overrated. There are lots of great women out there, but you didn’t get one either time you decided to get married. Nor did you have my book, which would have GIVEN YOU THE ABILITY TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN A KEEPER AND A LOSER.

 

Chanel might have seemed like one person when you were dating, but you didn’t really know her and you didn’t understand what Red Flags were because you weren’t familiar with “The System.” Now Chanel’s Interest Level has taken a dive, which is causing her to not want to keep you happy. This is something else you know nothing about because you don’t have my book.

 

Unfortunately, your marriage is doomed and you are wasting your time. It can’t be fixed, Jamie. You are the one that has to be fixed. What you have to do is get my materials and find a new girl. Then you have to study my materials for two years AT THE SAME TIME as you study this new girl. Then the disasters of your first two marriages won’t happen again. Good luck.

 

Remember, guys: when everything appears to be perfect, marriage is still extremely difficult.

Hi Atticus,

 

First of all, anytime a woman uses the word “space,” you’re DEAD. And when she utters the word “single,” it’s every bit as bad as the word “space,” and it means that you’re OUT. And in turn it means that her Interest Level has dropped below 50%, which means that there is no recovering.

 

Atticus, the really sad part is that at one time in this relationship, perhaps for a year and a half to two years, Dakota had high Interest Level in you. But due to your deportment, you slowly lowered it. Since I notice that you don’t mention “The System,” you’re not aware of how this process of deterioration works and you don’t even see that it’s going on. If you would have had my book one year before you met Dakota, she would be begging you for babies right now. Instead, like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Just the thought of you touching her makes her skin crawl.”

 

How can you envision a future with Dakota when she doesn’t even want to be in the same room with you? How obvious does she have to make it before you get the drift that you’re not just out, but that you’re COMPLETELY OUT?

 

Dude, Dakota isn’t confused at all – you’re the one who’s confused. She has low Interest Level, you’re out, and you think she has high interest and that you’re still in. That’s why you’re confused – not her.

 

Guy, Dakota doesn’t want you around her family anymore. What’s the point? This thing is over. To you Psych majors, when you lose the girlfriend, you lose the family too. Most guys don’t realize this. What are you going to do, hang around Dakota’s family and show up to her wedding when she marries her real love? So forget her sister and her fiancé. That’s dead, gone, and finished. Sure, they love you – but what good is it when your girlfriend is out of love with you?

 

Dakota’s Facebook posts aren’t mixed signals at all. They are very, very clear signals to you, my friend. They are saying that you are history. And again, why are you going to be friends with a couple related to a woman who dumped you? And you think they’re never going to talk about Dakota with you? Come on, Atticus, how unrealistic can you be?

 

You don’t know what Dakota’s motives are when she contacts you. The only thing you can know for sure is that you’re OUT. You definitely need my book, man. Again, if you’d had “The System,” this disaster never would have happened. But Dakota began to lose interest in you between a year and a half and two years before the breakup, and it slid all the way from 95% to below 50%. And when it hit 49%, she said “I’m out of here!”

 

You can’t approach this situation anymore, Atticus. You have to get my book and memorize it ASAP and find someone new who you haven’t blown it with. The truth is that you’re not rejecting Dakota when you tell her not to contact you because you’re already out.

 

Remember, guys: unless you memorize “The System,” you’ll just repeat the same mistakes with the next woman you meet. 

Hi Garry,

 

As soon as you began having trouble with your wife, you didn’t have “The System” overnighted to you (or buy my immediate downloads - ELECTRONIC SYSTEM or SYSTEM AUDIO). Why not? Do you realize the terrible anguish you could have saved yourself? All that time Donatella’s interest was going from 90%...to 88%...to 85%...to 82%, etc. And as most American men do, you noticed it finally when it hit 60% or 57% or somewhere in that area. “The System” says that this woman probably once loved you. You’ve been with her for 15 years, and she probably loved you for eight to 10 years of that time. After that, because you took her for granted, her Interest Level began to drop.

 

And let me explain something to you. Interest Level doesn’t drop from 100% to 49% in an hour, or overnight, even though that’s the man’s perception of what’s going on. No, like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “It takes time and negligence to erode.” That’s why if you’d have memorized my materials, when it went from 91% to 89% you would have known to start getting into my MAINTENANCE PROGRAM, which will secure the woman wanting to stay with you forever. But like most men in America, you knew how to get her, but you didn’t know how to keep her. That’s why a majority of women recently reported in a national survey that they wouldn’t marry the same guy again. But since you didn’t have my book, what’s happened to you now is predictable.

 

You might have thought this situation was going to improve on its own, Garry, but when Interest Level goes 60%...58%..56%...54%, it’s like an airplane going down. It won’t pull up by itself. Like my cousin General Love says, “It just crashes and burns.” And that’s what happened with your wife. You murdered her Interest Level through your deportment.

 

So when your relationship with Donatella took another dive, why didn’t you Google a love doctor for some advice? The question to ask was, why is this woman so turned off when for eight or 10 years she idolized me? Dude, a good salary and taking care of your family financially doesn’t equate to romance to a female.

 

Your wife had been showing you for a long time that you were miles apart. Did she really have to verbalize it and tell you she no longer loved you? You’ve been with her for a long time, and when she finally said it after a deterioration of five or six years, it was only then that you sat up and took notice? Are you blind? And to you Psych majors, when she tells you that she no longer loves you, you are OUT.

 

Now let me explain something else to you. When Interest Level consistently drops, it’s NEVER temporary. It’s only temporary until she leaves. Then it’s final,

 

Now you’re in a fatal depression, pal. If you’d been studying my book all along, it would have made the pain more bearable. So the first thing you have to do now is have “The System” OVERNIGHTED to you and MEMORIZE it (or get an immediate download - SYSTEM AUDIO or ELECTRONIC SYSTEM). Because when it comes to women, you are absolutely clueless, even after you’ve lived with this woman for so long. Garry, I know more about your wife than you do and I’ve never even met the woman. And that’s very sad.

 

Then, like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “You have to suck it up.” When Donatella calls, be polite, don’t talk about your relationship, ask her how much money she needs, send her a check and ask her if there’s anything more you can do for her. Maybe, with time, she’ll meet you for coffee, then maybe a dinner date, then maybe you’ll move into getting her back into the house. Try to talk to your kids as much as possible. You’ll have to apologize for blowing up and making a fool of yourself because when you did that, it only reinforced your wife’s low Interest Level. Because what she said to herself was that she didn’t realize that her husband was so lacking in Self-Control!

 

But no matter what, you still need my book. You need to find out where you went wrong with your wife. Like I said earlier, you’re clueless.

 

Whether or not Donatella has found someone else is beyond your control. So don’t make the problem even worse than it is. Get “The System,” study it like heck, and we’ll do our best to get her back.

 

Donatella didn’t throw away anything over nothing. You stopped romancing your wife and took her for granted. You never told her she was Beautiful. You didn’t treat her like a woman. If you did, she would still be all over you.

 

Remember, guys: to keep your wife in love with you, you have to date her.

About the Author

Leave a Reply 8 comments

BrandonMiller - 31 January 2018 Reply

Finding someone 33-43 years with no kids. Yeah, good luck with that. Why don’t you tell your student to just don’t bother dating Doc. Seriously. And what if the girl is into older guys then? Or just tell all your students to just give up on women and relationships altogether and just commit suicide.

    DocLove - 1 February 2018 Reply

    I just did a search on Match for 100 miles around just San Diego for women 33-43 with no kids and there were nearly 1800 women. That’s just one metro area. Multiply that by the US and that’s a LOT of women and it’s not like he can’t find what he’s looking for in that pool (he’s not from San Diego but his metro area will be similar) – remember were only looking for ONE good woman. I like his odds of finding one woman that doesn’t have kids, doesn’t want kids and is right for him. I think he should not give up, stay alive and keep on trying – and I would repeat that advice to every single student I have!

Scott - 1 February 2018 Reply

” I’m getting to the seventh date with each of them, and I see it’s heading to the point where they will each ask me to be the boyfriend soon. Doc, they say there is no fool like an old fool. Should I dump these babes and try to find a woman nearer my age….”

Sorry to say it but I cringed at that part. Seven dates with two women and he doesn’t seem to care about either of them. He sounds like a sociopath. If he actually finds Miss Right can he even care enough to commit to her (and her child)?

    DocLove - 1 February 2018 Reply

    I did not read that he didn’t care about either of them – he is just following https://www.doclove.com/system that says you count NOTHING with women until they make it to 10-12 dates with no red flags and they ask to be the girlfriend. He is not a sociopath – he is just being smart – too many guys give up too much too soon. For the first 10-12 dates your job as a guy is to take women out, show respect and make sure you both have fun and then OBSERVE if she really likes you or not. OBSERVE if she has integrity and is a giver. OBSERVE if she has a flexible personality. YOU OBSERVE before YOU COMMIT. Women that are not right for you cannot hold up to the 10-12 dates – there are signs somewhere along the way that they’re not the one so this is a way for a guy to protect himself. When you do find that good one that is Ms. Right then you commit and give your lady respect, affection and romance after 10-12 dates but you’re still careful. Guys are willing to commit WAY TOO EARLY before they really know the girl and what she’s about.

iamtanmay - 5 February 2018 Reply

Not related to the letter, but I found an interesting tidbit on Challenge and respect in relationships, in a talk from Dr. Jordan Peterson (Psychiatrist).

Basically, he looks at the positive/negative interactions in an optimal relationship – i.e longevity. If the number of daily positive interactions are less than 5 positive to 1 negative, the relationship fails because its too negative. It also fails if the positive to negative ratio is higher than 11 to 1. Because in that case there is no challenge, no pushback and no respect. You only respect someone when you get into disagreements with them occasionally.

Here’s the tidbit: https://youtu.be/yXZSeiAl4PI?t=43m7s

    DocLove - 6 February 2018 Reply

    Thank YOU as always for the support!

Khye - 11 February 2018 Reply

Doc. I’ve been a fan of your System (and an owner) since you were on Men’s Health back in 1999 or thereabouts. I still have your hard copy System and the interview CD’s!! (Yeah, that long ago!)

I came out of a horribly bad relationship last year with a 29 year old gal last year. The difference between us was less than 10 years. She never cared about the “age difference” until she saw my license and her vicious serial divorcee mom came into the picture (family history was terrible, but I avoided meeting them early as suggested by the System.) Here’s the thing. Her friends liked me when we finally met, and I won them over pretty quick, being the charming devil I am (girl’s words, not mine.)

I bring almost no baggage other than I’m a big of a stickler for discipline and a clean home and car. She had to clean up her house and did, without my ever asking!! I behaved in a gentlemanly fashion until she claimed one day that she would never be a lady. I didn’t open her door for her. She NOTICED, and asked me why I did that. I simply ignored her and changed the subject. I remember thinking I should have said “only a LADY gets a GENTLEMAN” in a snarky and semi humorous fashion. I was annoyed and I’m 100% sure she noticed. For one as sloppy and undisciplined as she was, she did clean the house and occasionally try to prepare something cool (videogames, she was averse to cooking except a few times while her dating mask was still on.) She did laundry/clean house each time I went over. I liked the fresh smells, to be honest.

We made it almost to the 9 month mark before her Red Flags became too much for me to bear and her inner conflict between her Feminista and Feminine sides became impossible to rationalize (yep, I have the System, I know most of it well (can always know it better) and even got my brother into it.) She also put on weight.

She was also lazy with her own school work, and slow to get out of bed, and bad with her personal hygiene when I wasn’t in the picture (surprised her for daytime coffee dates twice during our 9 months, and each time she was eager to see me, but once she had not showered or done a bad job, and the other time she had a food stain on her shirt from her breakfast. Red flags. She showered and tried to be clean for me otherwise, which raised my interest level. My body my temple. Her body should be hers.

Here’s my problem. (I’m just over 30.) And every gal I’ve dated in recent years anywhere between 20 to 40 has a sexual history to make porn stars envious. I’m not bothered by this part since I am good in bed (received nothing but praise and eagerness.) I am bothered by the fact that such a lengthy emotional history comes with baggage and STD tests no longer come with the IGG panel (herpes tests.) As you said in the System, taking on a woman with a long relationship history means I’ll be fighting the demons left behind by every man who ever abused her, wronged her or dumped her (rightly or not doesn’t matter, the damage is there.)

I have to agree with your poster. 20 – 22 may be too young, but almost all the ones I’ve met except one fellow student of 20 are guaranteed to make me miserable. (I’m back in school a second time.) Almost to a one, they are BADLY damaged, out of shape, or both. I take care of myself. Other than this last gal, I’ve avoided emotional damage religiously, any time a girl started showing bad signs, I’d give her chances proportional to our time together, and then politely leave her. Why should I not expect the same? The market is pretty bad around here, and frankly I’m not a fan of unwittingly recruiting another College Feminista and trying to fix her through Challenge. In business I wouldn’t buy an overpriced fixer upper for the price of a brand new beach side estate, so why should I do this with women? This last one barely started making progress before giving me a red flag I could not consider fixable (crappy family with major mental issues, medication required, instability guaranteed.) And she was the best I found around here. The rest I cut loose after 1 to 3 dates without any regrets, except maybe annoyed that I could get better coffee at home or at my office.

Getting tired of simply not finding anything worth keeping Doc! Besides moving, which is financially impossible at this time, any ideas?

K

    DocLove - 13 February 2018 Reply

    Well, I would love to talk to you – call the show sometime at http://www.datingwomenradioshow.com (or if you prefer more privacy order phone coaching at https://www.doclove.com/phone_coaching)

    I will tell you this – I like how your radar is up and that will serve you well. However, be careful not to have the radar setting too high – it’s easy to look for things to find wrong with these girls instead of just going out and having some fun and seeing how they are. Remember there are NO CLEAN DEALS – again, it would be great if you would call the show or order phone coaching.

Leave a Reply: