FORGET ABOUT FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS
THE SYSTEM says friends with benefits is useless but beyond that they broke up - TWICE.
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Melanie and I go to the same university, major in the same subject and when we first started dating it was great because I had no goals except for enjoying myself. After one week she was very connected to me and said she loved me. At the time I had the mistaken notion that in order to be in a relationship I had to give the woman all my time. This led to miscommunication and outbursts from Melanie and we broke up.
After one month we got back together. After a week of arguments I asked Melanie if she needed time. She replied that she didn’t need time. I suggested that we break up and be friends. She countered that it would be hard just being friends. I told her that I wanted to be with her, but it just wasn’t right now. Anyway, we broke up again. Now I’m trying to figure out if I’ve killed the relationship completely.
A week later I called Melanie and we got together and had a good conversation. She said she loved me and was attracted to me but she was interested in a different type of guy. Then she gave me a kiss on the cheek goodbye. A day later I called her, and she said that she didn’t want me to have hope that we’ll be together. I said but you left the door open, and she admitted that she was still physically attracted to me and wanted to have that kind of relationship – friends with benefits.
But when I ran into her the next time, she ignored me and I finally realized that it was over. The pain was devastating. Now I realize that I still want to be with Melanie. I just want a fair shot with her even though I blew it at least twice!
I’m not sure that I can maintain a policy of no contact with Melanie. In the past she has always gotten together with me when I’ve asked her to.
What do you think I should do, Doc?
Bert - who doesn’t know the next step
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
Straight out of the gate there’s a problem. Melanie came on too heavy too fast and you didn’t know how to slow her down. Plus, if you’re in college, odds are she’s only 18 to 22 years old, which means she’s not even grown up yet!
Of course it’s a mistaken notion to think you have to give all your time to a girl. And you didn’t understand this because you don’t own “The System.” Without “The System” you simply don’t have the guidance to do things the right way and make a woman happy.
Why didn't you sign up for my free 7-day dating course yet? Did you not understand the word FREE?
Then you went and broke another rule. You tried to go back to Melanie, and then you argued with her. Doesn’t that arguing tell you something, pal? Didn’t it register that maybe it wasn’t meant to be with her? Or that maybe she’s a good girl and you’re doing everything wrong? Or that she’s not a good girl and instead some kind of a nutcase? Again, since you don’t have my book you have no guidelines to follow, so you don’t have a clue what’s going on.
You haven’t killed the relationship with Melanie. Bert, you already broke up twice with her, so there was nothing left to kill! It was already over and done, and you’re drawing the wrong conclusion, guy.
When a girl tells you that she’s interested in a different type of guy, she’s telling you in no uncertain terms that you’re history. It’s a variation on a woman’s favorite line: “I love you, but I’m just not in love with you.” That’s what Melanie is really saying here. The phrase “in love” denotes a romantic relationship, which means that she doesn’t want one of those with you! Then Melanie told you not to harbor any hope that you’ll get her back. Dude, you really need my book ASAP!
And let me remind you that in “The System” we don’t do friends with benefits. But that’s not really an issue here anyway. When Melanie ignored you, it proved that she really didn’t want to do friends with benefits with you. That was just double-speak. She really wants to be rid of you altogether.
These articles give you a lot but there are key elements that you're missing if you don't have my book so if you really want to be successful with women you need THE SYSTEM. Still not convinced? Read my "YOU CHANGED MY LIFE" letters.
Buddy, the reason you want to be with Melanie is because she rejected you. To you Psych majors, what happens when a girl rejects you is that it doubles your Interest Level – another point explained in my book that you don’t grasp.
So you don’t get to go back, my friend, and as you readily admit, you already blew it twice. It’s over, Bert. This thing never went in the first place. And here’s something else: you only dated Melanie for one week. You didn’t go out with her for six months, so there’s no real relationship or history to speak of.
The reason you can’t maintain a policy of no contact is because you have no Self-Control, which is something else that’s taught in “The System.” Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “You’re run by your emotions, and you’re not using your brains at all.”
I think you should get my book, study it, and stop bugging Melanie! She has no feelings for you at all. What does she have to do to get it across to you?
Remember, guys: Never try to keep someone who doesn’t want to keep you.