THE SYSTEM says showing jealousy will severely limit your chances with her - too bad our reader didn't follow this advice.
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Hey Doc,
I’m on my third reading of your book, which makes lots of sense to me.
I’m an insecure 42-year-young man with abandonment issues. I was married for eight years to a lesbian without knowing it and we have a child. Five years after my divorce I was going steady for a year and a half with a twice-divorced, mother-of-three. Amber was an angel-like dream for me. Even though she’s older than I am, she’s a stunning looker. Despite my emotional issues, I was able to trust her so much that she’s the only person that knows that my ex likes women.
For some reason I became paranoid that Amber was flirting with other people, both men and women. I confronted her and she always denied it. She even went to my shrink with me, and he told me that I overreact to things. Well, it got better for a while, but then my jealousy started up again and we eventually broke up.
After 15 days without contact, Amber sent me a message stating that although we can’t be together, she has always liked me, still likes me and always will, and that she misses me very much.
My question is this: was I really imagining things or not? I can provide you many instances of when I thought Amber was flirting with other people. You’re the expert, Doc -- am I projecting my past onto this woman, or was she always sabotaging our love? Is there hope for us? Can we beat our demons (we both have them) or is it a waste of time?
I think if we both wanted it, we could be happy. But every time we were doing okay, Amber seemed to have the need to do something that she knew would upset me. I would then start feeling jealous and the cycle would repeat itself. The shrink said that it looked like we both wanted it to work, but we don’t seem to be able to do it. Is there hope for us or are we in denial and we’re just too full of luggage for one another?
Ronald - who feels doomed
Hey
Doc,
I
am a long-time follower and really respect your work.
I stumbled across a study recently which showed that women rated 80% of all
males as below medium attractiveness. On the other side, males rated women
on a bell curve of normal distribution. The inference was that women are only
significantly physically attracted to the top 20% of men -- i.e., the ones who
look like actors or models. Women’s standards were shown to be
unreasonable (and dare I say delusional!) while men’s weren’t, despite what the
popular culture around us constantly repeats like a mantra -- that men’s standards
of female beauty are unfair to women and objectify them!
This really surprised me, but has explained my online dating experience. I
estimate myself as around a 6 or 7, and while I do match up with a few women on
dating sites, the numbers are low, and generally the women are unresponsive,
lethargic, have little interest, are flakey or can’t be bothered to write
back. I also generally try for women a tad below what I feel is equivalent
to myself in attractiveness if I find something intriguing about them. But even
these women (4s and 5s) largely reject my advances as not good enough for
them. These are women around the same age as me (29) who have very little
interest even in someone (based on my estimates) who is more attractive than
they are. So I’m not talking about pursuing Beautiful Women here! In real
life, I’ve had similar experiences: women around my physical attractiveness
level are very difficult to court (they are generally uninterested), but I get
a lot of unwanted incoming interest from 2s to 4s, who I am uninterested in.
I’m not being shallow, but I just don’t see it as a fair trade, that I should
be with an overweight woman when I have an athletic physique.
“The System” says that dating is a numbers game, but the above study really
shocked me. This also explains why the divorce rate is so high: women feel
unfulfilled and resentment sets in. They are now saying the rate of young
married couples is the lowest it has ever been in the history of the Western
world and that the trend will continue. My buddies who are fairly average
looking but totally decent guys do even worse than me. They have admitted that
they have gotten zero matches/responses in online dating -- NOTHING! It’s
as if they don’t exist. This is really depressing. Meanwhile, average
women complain about their dating experiences and their troubles with guys, and
the reason is, most of them are chasing the most attractive men and getting
burned! They are, generally speaking, batting out of their league and feel
entitled.
Doc, do you agree with the study’s findings? How can a decent average guy
expect to pass the “Physical Attraction Test” when the average woman is deluded
and thinks she deserves a GQ model?
Bucky
- who feels defeated
Hey
Doc,
I’ve
been married twice and am currently still on my second marriage. The first
marriage ultimately did not work out because my wife at the time wasn’t much of
a team player in my time of need. She later tried to get back with me, but I
felt that I couldn’t trust being with someone who was not fully in my corner
from day one.
A
few years later, I met Chanel, a very attractive fashionista lady, on a dating
site. I was lonely and not on my “A” game, so you could say that I was a
desperado. But she accepted me flaws and all. We dated for five years until I
got back on my feet and we decided to take the plunge and get married.
The
problem is that Chanel has low Self-Esteem and will not address her recent
weight gain issues. She also has spending issues (I found out that she went
bankrupt before I knew her), but I still married her out of love. Also, she’s
not nearly as ambitious as I would like her to be and doesn’t like it if I
suggest that she try getting bigger and better things out of life and that she
has to work hard for them. She recently abandoned a career that she’d been
pursuing for many years, and I feel that financially we are going to be a wreck
if this trend continues.
Chanel
now says that she wants to start a business but doesn’t like my suggestions
even though I have much more experience in that area. Another problem is that
since we’ve been married our intimacy level has dropped tremendously from the
years when we were dating.
I’m
beginning to think that being married is overrated. Chanel acted a certain way
when we were dating (good Attitude and Flexible) but is turning out to be
someone else, or we just may be growing apart. I will say that one good thing
is that we rarely argue, but I’m beginning to wonder if I made the right
choice. In hindsight, maybe I should have waited until I had my stuff more
together before trying to find a significant other because as they say, you
attract who you are.
Doc,
do you think my marriage is doomed and that I’m wasting my time? Ultimately, I
think Chanel wants to just be a stay-at-home mom and taken care of, but that is
not really feasible due to our financial situation. Some have suggested
marriage counseling, but I don’t know if this can be fixed.
Your
thoughts, Doc?
Jamie
- who is sinking into depression over it
Hi Ronald,
It’s great that you’re on your third reading of “The System.” And you’re going to continue reading it. You’re going to read it once a week for 15 weeks, then you’re going to read seven pages a night before putting your head on the pillow until you get married again. That’s the rule.
Now, it’s okay to have abandonment issues – or other issues – AS LONG AS YOU DON’T VERBALIZE THEM to the woman you’re dating. It’s that simple! CONTROL YOUR TONGUE. You can be insecure, you can have the lowest Self-Esteem of any guy on the planet, but when you’re with her, just put on a happy face.
Why didn't you sign up for my free 7-day dating course yet? Did you not understand the word FREE?
Now let’s talk about your first wife. Something’s wrong there. When you’re living with a person who digs people of the same gender, how could you possibly miss that, dude? Are you sure you’re fully aware of what’s going on around you?
Here’s another principle you missed. After you go with a woman for six months, “The System” says that you trust her a little bit. You don’t just throw your total trust out there. She has to have a record with you of consistent behavior without Red Flags.
And you broke another rule, Ronald. You don’t talk to your girlfriend about your women from the past. She’s not your psychiatrist. And it doesn’t raise Interest Level to do that. It doesn’t make her laugh, does it? This is why you have to read my book 15 times. You’re forgetting all the invaluable information in those pages!
The reason you think Amber is flirting with other people is that she’s outgoing, a talker, a stunner and when you go out with her to a restaurant and sit in the corner with a long face and all depressed, she’s talking to everyone around. To you Psych majors, if she’s a knockout, people are going to come up to her and talk. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Everybody likes to talk to Beautiful Women.”
And why are you accusing Amber of something negative when it could just be your low Self-Esteem talking? Let me explain something to you: it doesn’t raise Interest Level to attack a woman. Dude, if you think she’s flirting with someone, get rid of her. But like my cousin General Love says, “The problem is that you don’t have any concrete evidence.” Plus you’re not listening to your shrink!
Again guy, you can be jealous, insecure, envious, the most messed up guy in the world, but all you have to do is hold your tongue and not let the world know it. And Ronald, you don’t know how to hold your tongue and not broadcast your problems to the world.
These articles give you a lot but there are key elements that you're missing if you don't have my book so if you really want to be successful with women you need THE SYSTEM. Still not convinced? Read my "YOU CHANGED MY LIFE" letters.
Now let me get this straight. Of course Amber is still totally in love with you -- so much that she doesn’t want to be back in your life! Buddy, you drove her nuts with your insecurities. Every guy has them. The difference is that some guys talk about them all the time, and others never bring them up.
Yes, you’re imagining things. And yes, you’re projecting. No, there’s no hope for the two of you, not until you finish memorizing my book. Again, talking about women from your past and taking Amber to your shrink is not going to ratchet up her Interest Level or make her laugh.
You’ve only read my book three times, Ronald. It hasn’t sunk in yet. You’ve got a long way to go, but at least you’re on the right path.
I’m not worried about Amber’s demons. You’re the one with the demons, and it’s quite possible that you’re just projecting them onto her.
Let me repeat, Amber talks to strangers that come onto her because she’s a knockout. What else do you expect? It’s part of the turf. If you want a woman nobody will come on to, find one who’s 300 pounds overweight.
Again, you can be jealous and insecure all you want – just don’t talk about it. If I gave you 10 grand to keep your tongue tied, you’d do it, right? Sure you would, because you have the ability. But at this point Amber doesn’t want this thing to work. She wants out. And it’s your own fault. You’re the one with all the luggage. Amber doesn’t have any.
Remember, guys: it’s okay to be screwed up, just don’t verbalize it.
Hi
Jamie,
When
you tell me that a woman was not in your corner from day one, it means you
married a taker instead of a Giver. A Giver would have been in your corner
from the very beginning. If you’d had “The System,” you would have studied your first wife for two years and
found out that she wasn’t a Giver, and you wouldn’t have married her.
So you can blame all of your problems on not going by “The System.”
Dude,
Chanel should want to be thin, or at
least a normal weight. You can’t now say to her, “Honey, I love you but you’re
fat!” Again, this goes back to the type
of woman you chose. And the fact that you’re not familiar with “The System”
does not help you with your choice of partners! Like my cousin Rabbi Love says,
“When it comes to picking them, you don’t know what you’re doing, my son.”
Sadly,
Jamie, you really didn’t marry Chanel out of love – you married her out of need. There’s a big difference. Your
wife has low Self-Esteem and she’s overweight and she doesn’t know how to
handle money. What that means is that she’s unhealthy and we live in an economic
society. So she woman is a loser. But like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “Too bad
she don’t know how to lose weight!”
The
fact that Chanel is showing all of these undesirable traits now that you’re
married is the very point of studying my
materials and dating for two years. What that means is that you would
have recognized these undesirable qualities if you’d been following “The
System.” You shouldn’t be finding out all of this stuff after you got married. And that’s your
problem, guy. And you did this with both of your wives. The really sad part is
that if you’d had my book, you wouldn’t have married either one of these women
and created all of this anguish for yourself.
Jamie,
you picked not one, but two losers here. With your choices of women, marriage is overrated. There are lots of great
women out there, but you didn’t get one either time you decided to get married.
Nor did you have my book, which would have GIVEN YOU THE ABILITY TO
DISTINGUISH BETWEEN A KEEPER AND A LOSER.
Chanel
might have seemed like one person when you were dating, but you didn’t
really know her and you didn’t understand what Red Flags were because you
weren’t familiar with “The System.” Now Chanel’s Interest Level has taken a
dive, which is causing her to not want to
keep you happy. This is something else you know nothing about because you don’t
have my book.
Unfortunately,
your marriage is doomed and you are wasting your time. It can’t be fixed,
Jamie. You are the one that has to be
fixed. What you have to do is get my materials and find a new girl. Then you
have to study my materials for two years AT THE SAME TIME as you study this new
girl. Then the disasters of your first two marriages won’t happen again.
Good luck.
Remember,
guys: when everything appears to be perfect, marriage is still extremely
difficult.
Hi Atticus,
First of all, anytime a woman uses the word
“space,” you’re DEAD.
And when she utters the word “single,” it’s every bit as bad as the word
“space,” and it means that you’re OUT. And in turn it means that her
Interest Level has dropped below 50%, which means that there is no recovering.
Atticus, the really sad part is that at one
time in this relationship, perhaps for a year and a half to two years, Dakota
had high Interest Level in you. But due to your deportment, you slowly
lowered it. Since I notice that you don’t mention “The System,” you’re not
aware of how this process of deterioration works and you don’t even see that
it’s going on. If you would have had my book one year before you met Dakota,
she would be begging you for babies right now. Instead, like my cousin Fast
Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Just the thought of you touching her makes her
skin crawl.”
How can you envision a future with Dakota
when she doesn’t even want to be in the same room with you? How obvious does
she have to make it before you get the drift that you’re not just out, but that
you’re COMPLETELY OUT?
Dude, Dakota isn’t confused at all – you’re the one who’s confused. She has
low Interest Level, you’re out, and you think she has high interest and that
you’re still in. That’s why you’re confused – not her.
Guy, Dakota doesn’t want you around her
family anymore. What’s the point? This thing is over. To you Psych majors,
when you lose the girlfriend, you lose the family too. Most guys don’t
realize this. What are you going to do, hang around Dakota’s family and show up
to her wedding when she marries her real love? So forget her sister and her
fiancé. That’s dead, gone, and finished. Sure, they love you – but what good is
it when your girlfriend is out of love with you?
Dakota’s Facebook posts aren’t mixed signals
at all. They are very, very clear signals to you, my friend. They are saying
that you are history. And again, why are you going to be friends with a couple
related to a woman who dumped you? And you think they’re never going to talk
about Dakota with you? Come on, Atticus, how unrealistic can you be?
You don’t know what Dakota’s motives are when
she contacts you. The only thing you can know for sure is that you’re OUT.
You definitely need my book, man. Again, if you’d had “The System,” this disaster
never would have happened. But Dakota began to lose interest in you between a
year and a half and two years before the breakup, and it slid all the way from
95% to below 50%. And when it hit 49%, she said “I’m out of here!”
You can’t approach this situation anymore,
Atticus. You have to get my book and memorize it ASAP and find someone new
who you haven’t blown it with. The truth is that you’re not rejecting
Dakota when you tell her not to contact you because you’re already out.
Remember, guys: unless you memorize “The
System,” you’ll just repeat the same mistakes with the next woman you meet.
Hi
Garry,
As
soon as you began having trouble with your wife, you didn’t have “The System”
overnighted to you (or buy my immediate downloads - ELECTRONIC SYSTEM or SYSTEM
AUDIO). Why not? Do you realize the terrible anguish you could have saved
yourself? All that time Donatella’s interest was going from 90%...to 88%...to
85%...to 82%, etc. And as most American men do, you noticed it finally when
it hit 60% or 57% or somewhere in that area. “The System” says that this
woman probably once loved you. You’ve been with her for 15 years, and she
probably loved you for eight to 10 years of that time. After that, because
you took her for granted, her Interest Level began to drop.
And
let me explain something to you. Interest Level doesn’t drop from 100% to
49% in an hour, or overnight, even though that’s the man’s perception of what’s going on. No, like my cousin Rabbi Love
says, “It takes time and negligence to erode.” That’s why if you’d have
memorized my materials, when it went from 91% to 89% you would have known to
start getting into my MAINTENANCE PROGRAM, which will secure the woman
wanting to stay with you forever. But like most men in America, you knew
how to get her, but you didn’t know how to keep her. That’s why a majority of
women recently reported in a national survey that they wouldn’t marry the same
guy again. But since you didn’t have my book, what’s happened to you now is
predictable.
You
might have thought this situation was going to improve on its own, Garry, but
when Interest Level goes 60%...58%..56%...54%, it’s like an airplane going
down. It won’t pull up by itself. Like my cousin General Love says, “It just
crashes and burns.” And that’s what happened with your wife. You murdered
her Interest Level through your deportment.
So
when your relationship with Donatella took another dive, why didn’t you Google
a love doctor for some advice? The question to ask was, why is this woman so
turned off when for eight or 10 years she idolized me? Dude, a good salary
and taking care of your family financially doesn’t equate to romance to a
female.
Your
wife had been showing you for a long time that you were miles apart. Did she
really have to verbalize it and tell you she no longer loved you? You’ve been
with her for a long time, and when she finally said it after a deterioration of
five or six years, it was only then that you sat up and took notice? Are you
blind? And to you Psych majors, when she tells you that she no longer loves
you, you are OUT.
Now
let me explain something else to you. When Interest Level consistently
drops, it’s NEVER temporary. It’s only
temporary until she leaves. Then it’s
final,
Now
you’re in a fatal depression, pal. If you’d been studying my book all along, it
would have made the pain more bearable. So the first thing you have to do now
is have “The System” OVERNIGHTED to you and MEMORIZE it (or get an immediate
download - SYSTEM AUDIO or ELECTRONIC SYSTEM). Because when it comes to women,
you are absolutely clueless, even after you’ve lived with this woman for so
long. Garry, I know more about your wife than you do and I’ve never even met
the woman. And that’s very sad.
Then,
like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “You have to suck it up.”
When Donatella calls, be polite, don’t talk about your relationship, ask her
how much money she needs, send her a check and ask her if there’s anything more
you can do for her. Maybe, with time, she’ll meet you for coffee, then maybe a
dinner date, then maybe you’ll move into getting her back into the house. Try
to talk to your kids as much as possible. You’ll have to apologize for blowing
up and making a fool of yourself because when you did that, it only
reinforced your wife’s low Interest Level. Because what she said to herself
was that she didn’t realize that her husband was so lacking in Self-Control!
But
no matter what, you still need my book. You need to find out where you went
wrong with your wife. Like I said earlier, you’re clueless.
Whether
or not Donatella has found someone else is beyond your control. So don’t make
the problem even worse than it is. Get “The System,” study it like heck, and
we’ll do our best to get her back.
Donatella
didn’t throw away anything over nothing. You stopped romancing your wife and
took her for granted. You never told her she was Beautiful. You didn’t treat
her like a woman. If you did, she would still be all over you.
Remember,
guys: to keep your wife in love with you, you have to date her.