WAITED TOO LONG TO CALL?
Did he really blow his chances with her because he waited too long to call as his female friends claim? NONSENSE!
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Dating Women Podcast #109
109: Once Women Lose Trust In You, YOU ARE OUT!
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I’m a longtime follower of “The System.” I’m 51, look 41, and act 31. I’ve made my rounds on the online dating sites since divorcing five years ago and have taken my lumps, learned a lot, and fortunately found your book last year.
Courtney is 42, with two children age 17 and eight. We met on a dating site three weeks ago. We exchanged phone numbers and she immediately called and we had a nice conversation. We’re both single parents with busy lives, so the only date we could set up was for eight days later.
On Wednesday we got together for 90 minutes over dinner. The conversation was light, funny, no discussion of relationships or exes. I walked Courtney to her car and we hugged in the parking lot. She said “Give me a call so we can meet up again.” Fifteen minutes later she texted me that she got home safely and thanked me for the good company. I had told her a funny little story about some goofy sunglasses I had and she said she was still giggling about it and asked me to send her a picture of me wearing them.
Anyway, that was last Wednesday and I waited until Sunday night to call her with a plan to ask her out for next Wednesday or Thursday. She didn’t answer, so I left a message to give me a call back. Since then, five days ago, nothing.
When I told this story to two female friends, both were adamant that because I didn’t call or text Courtney the day after the date, she figured I have no interest and therefore wasn’t going to return a phone call from me that was four days too late. They both said that if their husband or boyfriend had done what I did after the first date they would have written them off and ignored them altogether. They also said it’s possible Courtney didn’t see the message or that her child may have intercepted her phone and erased it. They both claimed that by failing to call her I dropped her Interest Level. They called me stubborn and controlling and said that I should call or text Courtney immediately so she knows I’m interested.
What gives, Doc? Should I try calling again or throw Courtney’s number away?
Chucky - who’s trying to follow your rules
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
This woman appears to have had high interest in you and everything on your date went perfectly, which was a good start. But one of the reasons that you’re not supposed to call within two days is because you want to work Challenge on a woman. Every other guy calls within two days. Doing that slaughters Challenge. And the bad part is that women have come to expect it whether they have 51% interest in you or they have 100% interest. So, like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “Since all guys do it and all women want it, why not just ask her to get married on the first date?”
The biggest complaint that women have about dating single guys is that THEY RUSH INTO A RELATIONSHIP. “The System” on the other hand teaches men to SLOW DOWN. When you slow down, the woman’s Interest Level goes up – UNLESS she has low Self-Esteem or she’s structured. So when those women don’t get back to you or accept a date, “The System” is actually PROTECTING you against women who are uptight or don’t like themselves. So while it appears that you did the wrong thing by waiting to call Courtney, in reality what you did was weed out a woman who isn’t good romantic relationship material.
Why didn't you sign up for my free 7-day dating course yet? Did you not understand the word FREE?
Now here’s where your female friends are wrong. You showed your interest because on your date with Courtney you did everything right and showed what a classy guy you are. There is no such thing as “too late” in dating. Just like there is no rule for when you have to call someone. My rule is to wait five to nine days. You went by the rule. Think about it. What if you had other plans in the meantime? What if you had a big project at work? What if you were moving? What if you had some kind of family emergency? What this tells me about your friends is that THEY ARE UPTIGHT AND STRUCTURED. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Had they written off their husbands and boyfriends, those guys would have been lucky!” And like Elvis once sang, “A hard-headed woman, a soft hearted man, been the cause of trouble ever since the world began!”
Okay, so maybe Courtney’s kid did erase your message. And maybe tomorrow the sky will fall in. What you’re going to do is wait five to nine days, call Courtney one more time and leave a message, saying your number slowly – which is what my book says to do. Then see what happens.
You didn’t drop Courtney’s Interest Level. You were perfect on the date. How could you turn her off? You didn’t wait a month to call her, did you? No, you waited only five days and to any reasonable person that’s not sufficient cause for getting rid of you.
But your friends called you stubborn and controlling for not calling Courtney immediately. The truth is that it’s just the OPPOSITE. Your friends are stubborn and controlling. And don’t forget, if Courtney wanted to go out with you so badly, why didn’t she pick up the phone and call you? So your friends say that if a guy doesn’t phone you for five days you declare war on him immediately? Like my cousin General Love says, “Now that’s what I call uptight!”
Like I said earlier, wait a week, call Courtney, act like nothing happened and ask her out again. It’s my prediction that she won’t go out with you. But Chucky, I think you’ll be better off because any woman who believes that a guy has to call you within two days is best forgotten. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “Those two friends of yours would be hell to be married to.”
Remember, guys: you can’t believe anything she says or does until you get a dozen dates in.