HE'S MAKING TOO MANY ERRORS!
He's got a chance with her but the mistakes with sex, PDA and more have got to stop NOW!
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105: Outside Of Being A Taker And Selfish, She's Perfect (Ugh!)
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I’ve followed you for over a decade, but not so much over the past few years. During that time, I let myself become a non-Challenge to my wife and didn’t realize it until her Interest (and respect) Level dropped too low to recover from. Now the marriage is over and I moved to a different city. I bought “The System” on audio and began online dating.
I recently met Lana, who more than checks all the boxes: Integrity, Flexible, a Giver, classy, educated, financially independent, interesting, and extremely attractive. We also have a LOT in common. Thanks to “The System,” she can hardly contain her enthusiasm for me.
I’ve let Lana wonder about my Interest Level, like when I withheld contact after our first date even though my own interest was very high. She began texting me on the third day after that first meeting, so I followed your rules and accepted her advances, and called her to arrange the next date. She invited me to her daughter’s birthday party where her family would be, but I told her I’d rather have more one-on-one time before something like that, and we agreed on a hike four days later instead.
On the hike I let Lana do most of the talking, kept the conversation very light, managed to dodge serious subjects, and kept her laughing. Afterwards we got lunch at a trendy downtown area. This was when she began touching me and giving me other buying signals, and she paid for lunch. So, while walking back to my car, I stopped on the street corner and kissed her, which went extremely well. Even though she says she hardly knows much about me, she is falling for me hard.
The next time we saw each other was dinner at her place. When I walked in, her beautiful short dress and heels, perfect hair and make-up told me she really wanted the evening to go well, and it did. We kissed more after dinner and I spent the night, which I’ll just say was spectacular in every way.
Doc, my question is this: You say that when she makes advances, I should accept them. Does that mean I should allow her to progress our relationship fast? I believe you when you say the first 60 days set the tone for the whole relationship, but since her interest is really high, should I seize that and move to more of the Maintenance Program of affection, romance, respect, and humor (while I still practice Challenge)? Or should I instead let her feel like she has to keep pursuing me?
Dack - who thinks your work is profound
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
First of all, allow me to say something to you and everyone reading this column. You had “The System” and you walked away from it. Then your wife walked away from you. And that’s the very heart of what you need to know – you can never walk away from my book. “The System” is FOREVER. So I’m happy you bought the audio edition and returned to it, my friend.
Now let me straighten you out on something else. You don’t really know Lana. You certainly don’t know whether or not she has Integrity because you haven’t gone out with her for two years. You’ve been out on exactly two dates with her. Integrity – made up of Honesty, Loyalty, and Trust – comes of knowing a person for a long time. And again, you don’t know this woman at all.
It was great that you didn’t agree to meet Lana’s family and daughter. Most guys would have eagerly accepted that invitation, and I’m very happy to see that you held off. Dack, you shouldn’t be meeting Lana’s kid. You should be meeting her kid and family only after six months of dating. It’s way too soon right now. If you did, Lana’s daughter would be saying to herself, “Who the heck is this guy? How does he fit into my life?” I like the fact that Lana has 95% Interest Level, but I don’t like the fact that she’s out of control.
These articles give you a lot - but not enough - you need THE SYSTEM if you really want to be successful with women. Not sure? Read our "you changed my life letters."
Since she paid for lunch, you know that Lana is a Giver. That’s great. But it was a big mistake to...
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