KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!
DON'T EVER TELL A BUDDY OR ANYONE ELSE THAT YOU ARE INTERESTED IN A WOMAN because they can mess you up -even if it's not on purpose.
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I own “The System” and have read it many times, but 10 years ago. Unfortunately, I let myself slip and didn’t read it enough to save my marriage, and as a result, after 12 years my wife and I are going through a divorce.
But that’s not the point of this letter. I have high Interest Level in a new woman, Melissa. She is part-owner of the bar I like to frequent. She is in an unhappy marriage and getting a divorce too. The past three months she’s been getting very friendly, I get the occasional hug, and she would sit next to me if she wasn’t busy and make conversation. I’d even get a free beer once in a while. I always kept what I said light and made her laugh, and I made sure I wasn’t too available. She even served me soft drinks after I had a couple of beers because she didn’t want me driving home drunk. I could feel her Interest Level rising but I wanted to make sure her divorce was final and she was available before I asked for her number.
Then my friend went and told Melissa when I wasn’t around that I really like her and wanted to ask her out. This friend said that Melissa told him she thinks I’m nice, but if she said yes to a date she would only be joking. Well, that completely blew the wind out of my sails. I’ve been back to the bar once and Melissa asked if I was okay, but her Interest Level sure seemed to have taken a hit. She didn’t initiate conversation and she stayed behind the bar playing with her cell phone. It was awful. My heart was pounding I was so nervous. When I left, she said have a great day, and that was it.
It seems like I need to be a real Challenge, so I haven’t been back to the bar when Melissa is there for three weeks now. I thought I’d try to make myself unavailable. Next time I go, it will only be with a group. I’ll keep my mouth shut, and if Melissa does say anything to me I’ll be light and funny and only stay for one beer instead of my usual two.
Doc, has this boat already sailed and I’m beating myself up over nothing? Can Challenge raise Melissa’s interest again? Or should I just man up and ask for her number even if she knows that my Interest Level is high?
Snuff - who doesn’t want a sugarcoated answer
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
What’s sad about your case is that you had the ball in your hands and you fumbled it at the two-yard line! I always tell you guys to read my book 15 times, then seven pages a night for the rest of your life. Why? Because you have all kinds of cultural garbage and misinformation stuck between your ears and it needs to be dislodged. Sadly, you had my book and you didn’t take advantage of its wisdom.
You say that you let yourself slip, and as a result you ended up going through a divorce when it didn’t have to be. If you didn’t have my book, you wouldn’t be quite as responsible for what happened because you wouldn’t have known what you were doing wrong, but you did have it. Again, like a halfback who was running with the football, you dropped it in a clutch situation.
Snuff, you might have high interest in a new woman, but you have to go back to my book and start all over again learning what to do because you obviously don’t know. You have to be all over “The System,” reading it once a week for 15 weeks so you don’t screw up again.
So, you went and told your buddy that you were interested in a woman that he knows. Big, huge mistake, dude.
Now, how do you know that Melissa really said that she’d only be joking if she accepted a date with you? Can you really bet your life that she said that? Granted, she might have said it, but there’s no way you can be sure that she actually did because you don’t know the motives of your so-called friend. And guy, you still have to ask for Melissa’s number. And if her Interest Level took a hit, it’s on account of your big-mouthed buddy. You don’t need to be a Challenge now, you need to ask for Melissa’s phone number.
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Snuff, you simply don’t know whether or not this boat has sailed. What do I say in my book again and again and again? YOU MUST ASK FOR HER PHONE NUMBER, BECAUSE THAT’S HOW YOU WILL ASSESS HER INTEREST LEVEL FOR THE FIRST TIME. But you never asked for Melissa’s phone number, so what can you possibly know about what this woman is thinking? Look at what’s happened here: you’ve gotten all wound up over this woman, your so-called friend is a Blocker, and now you’re in a big mess. So don’t go into the bar with a group or count how many beers you’re ordering or any of that nonsense. JUST GO FOR MELISSA’S NUMBER.
No, Challenge can’t raise Melissa’s interest again. And at this point that’s an irrelevant consideration because you have no clue what her Interest Level actually is. The main point is that you should have asked for her phone number sooner, before your blabber-mouthed pal got involved and screwed everything up.
Remember, guys: until you ask for her phone number, you don’t know where you stand.