NO WOMEN IN HIS AREA???
He thinks there are no women around where he lives but is he putting a head trip on himself?
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I’m 33 years young and I’ve been a great admirer of your work for over 16 years now. I’ve ordered all of your books and I think you are the greatest of all time!
I have a major problem. I live on an island off the coast of Africa where there are less than 55,000 people and men outnumber women by a large percentage. The terrifying factor here is that the majority of the women are mercenaries, they have more than two kids minimum, are divorced, and a high percentage are not too attractive. They are too materialistic and there is always a problem dealing with their exes. I’m a Christian believer and in church all of the women are married or are divorced and have multiple kids.
I’ve visited other churches in the area and it’s the same dilemma. Now, I have a good friend 60 years of age who I highly respect who told me that back home in South America where he lives, there’s a nice young lady 24 years of age who he recommends for me. She’s hard working, is employed in the medical field, is very respectful and very active in the church. I believe him because he’s like a father to me.
I know that you don’t encourage long-distance dating because it’s a losing proposition, but in my case I’ve tried all options and have no choice. I’m willing to take the risk even if I have to keep failing.
How many times per week should I contact this woman to get to know her by phone, texting or Facebook? What topics should we discuss? How often should I travel to visit her since I’m looking for a marriage partner?
I KNOW THAT YOU DON’T ENCOURAGE THIS SORT OF THING BECAUSE IT’S TOTALLY ANTI-SYSTEM, but in my case I have no choice. I’m getting old and I don’t want to waste my life just sitting and waiting for Ms. Right to show up in an airplane looking for me. It is a one in a million kind of situation. Please let this be an exception to your rules and let me know how you think I could make it work!
Willie - who hopes you’ll help me find a way
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
What you’re overlooking in your situation is that you only have to find ONE good woman on your island. Eighty or 90% of the women there might be mercenaries, but there has to be at least ONE who isn’t. And what about a neighboring island? The point is that there has to be a few women who aren’t mercenaries closer to where you live. You can’t tell me that you’ve gone through every single single woman on the island, my friend. You might have attended different churches nearby, but you still haven’t gone through every woman on the island.
Your friend might have a nice young lady for you, Willie, but she lives halfway around the world. It’s not like she lives a hundred or even two hundred miles away. So how are you going to see this woman? How are you going to get the proper amount of time in with her when she lives halfway around the world? Are you going to fly to South America once a month? Do you really have the funds and time to do that?
But that’s not the only problem with this scenario, pal. You really don’t know what this lady wants. In fact, you have no idea whatsoever of anything about her. She might think you’re too old for her, did you think of that? How do you know she’s even going to like you? How do you know you’re going to pass the Physical Attraction Test? And again, how are you going to get any time in with her when she lives halfway around the world? You can’t do it, and the last thing you want is to marry someone because you have so few choices, then she ups and leaves you after she has a kid or two. I’m sure this young woman is nice, but when romantic love is involved, you have to have CHEMISTRY. How are you going to know if you two have chemistry since you live so far away from each other? It’s impossible.
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However, if you insist on trying this thing out, you’ll have to talk to her twice a week by Skype – so you can at least see each other – for a total of two hours a week. You’ll talk to her about her parents and how she was raised, and what she wants out of life and the future.
If you go and visit her for a week, you’ll have to leave and go back to Skyping again, wait a couple of months, then go and visit her again. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “I hope you have lots of money for all this traveling, because you’re going to need it!” Then you’ll have to convince her to come and visit you on your island, because I assume you don’t want to move. But this raises other complications. What if she doesn’t want to move from South America? What if she can’t find a job on your island? What if she doesn’t want to leave her family in South America? What if her father has a business there and he’s going to leave it to her? Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “This thing sounds like a big mess.”
So dude, since you seem determined to have a long distance relationship, why don’t you just cut down the mileage involved? Find someone within five hundred or a thousand miles of where you are, not halfway around the world in South America.
Willie, you’re going to have to find someone closer. South America is simply too far away.
Remember, guys: if you can’t see her face to face two or three times a week, you’ll never really know her.