A TRUE MESS!
Okay, so he dated a woman behind his wife's back who eventually became friends with his now ex-wife and blew him off because she valued the friendship with his ex over him.
Whew - try not to make the same mistakes this guy did!
Read the article below but first we have some audio extras for you:
Dating Women Podcast #091 & #092
091: She said her heart is closed to him - can he recover?
092: His girlfriend checks out other guys - harmless or not?
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This is a really hard letter for me to write. I don’t want to say that I’m embarrassed by what happened because all of us make mistakes, but I have had a difficult time of it. Now I will admit right here that I don’t have or use “The System,” but I’m looking for an expert’s opinion on my situation, so I thought I would write to you.
My ex-wife, Linda, and I work for the same company here in Houston. Before I filed for divorce, I secretly began dating our co-worker, Caroline, who I was attracted to ever since she started working here. After the divorce papers were filed, Linda moved out of our house and, being extremely upset over what happened between us, needed someone to talk to. She happened to choose Caroline to confide in about her troubles. This, as you might imagine, created immediate and immense complications in my life.
Caroline, not wanting to expose that she and I were secret lovers, lent Linda a sympathetic ear. At one point, Linda told Caroline that she was her best friend. Caroline would sometimes call my wife to find out what her plans were on a particular night so our paths wouldn’t cross if she and I happened to be out on a date. Sometimes Linda baby-sat for Caroline’s children so Caroline and I could sneak out. It was nerve-wracking to say the least.
Well, eventually Caroline decided to break up with me. She felt that things had become too complicated since we all worked in the same building. She also decided that she wants to remain friends with Linda.
Doc, Linda still does not know about my affair with Caroline. This seems like the ultimate form of deceit to me now. Since my relationships with both women are now history, should I tell my ex-wife what really went on -- or keep my mouth shut? It just seems to me that the truth should come out at some point.
Your thoughts on this morass would be greatly appreciated.
Gabe - who feels like blowing the top off everything
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
Let me get this straight. You have a huge problem with two women and you know that I’m an expert when it comes to dating and relationships. Yet for a mere $99 you can have the key to the kingdom – “The System” – and you don’t have it. Why not, pal? If you’d had my book, you would have understood how to avoid all the complications you were about to get strangled in.
Now first of all, your biggest problem is that you shouldn’t have dated Caroline, especially when you work for the same company and your secret would have come out sooner or later. Secondly, you were still married when you began dating Caroline. You shouldn’t have dated Caroline until all the paperwork for your divorce was completed and you were legally divorced. So any complications you suffered from living a life of deception were of your own making.
Once you started dating Caroline when you were still married, you had her sneaking around. To you Psych majors, any decent woman doesn’t want to be sneaking around. Caroline was right in the end – your affair was entirely too complicated since you all worked in the same building. What’s sad is that you were dating someone who knew your ex. You should have said to yourself: “I should not date anybody who knows my wife.” And that’s exactly where this problem started. You should have passed on Caroline altogether because she was involved with your spouse. And you didn’t do it.
Of course Caroline is going to remain friends with Linda. She’s not going to just chuck her good friend. Now you just have to hope that Caroline never opens her mouth about what was going on between the two of you. If she does, things will get really messy!
There’s no deceit here, Gabe. If the truth of what happened between you and Caroline ever comes out, all of the people involved are going to get hurt. Remember, there’s a difference between being open and honest. You should be honest with people, but you’re not supposed to be open with them. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “That means you only pick from the good pile, and never the bad pile.”
Why would it help anyone in any way to tell your ex-wife what was really going on between you and Caroline? Again, all you’re going to do is hurt her and ruin what’s left of the relationship between you and Caroline. Caroline will be thinking to herself, “Gee, I should never have gone out with this jerk!” And like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Then you’ll have two women who hate your guts!” Dude, you have to keep your mouth shut and get “The System” ASAP. At the end of the day, not having my book is your biggest problem, Gabe. All these needless complications are the result of not having the first clue about how to deal with women and relationships.
You’re wrong – the truth shouldn’t come out at some point. That’s the misconception so many people have. When the truth sees the light of day in most cases, all it does is cause a ton of pain. There’s no need for it whatsoever here. So just suck it up, buddy. You made a mistake. You should have never dated Caroline to begin with.
Remember, guys: if you’re going through a divorce, you can’t date your wife’s co-worker.