DON'T SHARE YOUR FEELINGS WITH WOMEN
HE asked HER to take their relationship to the next level - MISTAKE, MISTAKE, MISTAKE!!!! - read the article below and...
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Your article is right below this but first on this week's podcasts we give you:
*63: The element of surprise in dating can be powerful - use it.
*64: No, it's not okay to "hang out" with women
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I'm a huge fan of “The System” and what you’re all about, and I have to say that your principles and teachings have completely transformed my life. I feel on top of things now, where before I was completely lost and let women trample all over me. I would probably call you a genius, but no doubt you hear it all the time!
Anyway here’s my dilemma. I’ve been flirting with Gabriella for several weeks now. We’ve also been on many dates (very successful ones, I might add!), but recently I hit a snag. After we went out to dinner one night, I was walking Gabriella to her car, and just as we were parting for the evening, she went to give me a hug and say goodbye. But little did she know that I had something up my sleeve. I leaned in, embraced her, and planted a kiss on her. She returned the gesture. So far, so good, right?
After the kiss I told Gabriella how much I liked her and that I really wanted to take our relationship to a new level. She told me that I am an amazing guy and she really likes me too, but that she wasn’t ready for a relationship (she’d just gotten out of a long-term relationship two months before). I was stunned. This rebuff came seemingly out of nowhere, especially since I thought I was getting buying signals from her and our dates had gone so well, including her touching me on several occasions.
Doc, I KNOW this girl has feelings for me but now what the heck should I do? I feel like I’m on the emotional sidelines, waiting for something after I thought I had all my ducks in place. Should I take Gabriella out again or drop her? Should I pretend like this didn’t happen? I thought I understood all of the positive signs, but it turned out that I didn’t.
Any wisdom would be greatly appreciated!
Dax - who feels like he got blindsided
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DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
First of all, I want to thank you very much for having the ability to set your ego aside and invest in my book.
Now, let’s look at all the mistakes you made with Gabriella. You’re not supposed to kiss your date at the car – you’re supposed to kiss her at her door. I don’t want anyone seeing you kissing a girl in public. And remember that lots of girls don’t like public displays of affection. Now you don’t mention if you did this on a crowded street, but the only time you’re supposed to kiss a girl before she’s your girlfriend is on her doorstep when her mom and dad or roommates aren’t looking out the window at the two of you and no strangers are walking by staring at you.
You told Gabriella how much you liked her and that you wanted to take your relationship to a new level? Dax, I can’t believe you’re a “System” guy and you made that statement! A “System” guy would never, ever tell a girl that he likes her. NEVER. Dude, you NEVER ask a girl to go to the next level. She’s supposed to ask YOU to become your girlfriend, then you proceed from there. Are you sure you have my book?
The problem here is that you RUSHED this thing with Gabriella. All throughout my book I stress CHALLENGE, CHALLENGE, CHALLENGE to you guys. I tell you not to talk about your feelings and to let her come at you, and you broke this major rule. Yet in the very first sentence of your letter you tell me how much you are a fan of my principles. Dax, this is basic stuff, first grade material, so you have to go back and read “The System” 15 times because you haven’t gotten it yet. Challenge is such a basic tenet of “The System,” I’m shocked that you screwed up!
You shouldn’t be stunned at all by what happened here, because you’re supposed to wait for the girl to come on to you, as I said. You rushed “The System,” guy. You pushed this girl too hard too fast. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “You asked for more than was available.”
Gabriella might have given you some buying signals and flirted with you, but she didn’t ask you to become her boyfriend, and that’s the crux of the issue here. SHE didn’t ask you to take the relationship to the next level. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “When the girl asks, it’s 100% in your favor. When the guy asks it’s 50-50, and the odds went against you.”
Dax, what you’re going to do now is wait seven days and ask Gabriella out. And you’re not going to ask her out for Friday or Saturday. Act like nothing at all happened. And you’re going to date other women.
You might have thought you had all your ducks in place, but you have no concept of Challenge whatsoever. If you did, you wouldn’t have told Gabriella how much you liked her. You show a girl how much you like her, you don’t tell her how much you like her.
Finally, when you take Gabriella out, you’re going to keep it light and funny. You’re going to pretend as if it’s your first date. And you’re not going to bring up anything that happened in the past, such as when she told you in so many words to slow down. And keep in mind that you might well have overrated this girl’s Interest Level. Unfortunately most guys do this, and it’s covered in my book as well. So you have a lot of memorization to do, my friend. Good luck.
In the end, what happened here is that you RUSHED this girl. When you do that, you can’t expect good results.
Remember, guys: let the girl, not you, do all the talking about feelings.
I may have been able to find her, but I never would have been able to KEEP her without you, Jeff, and the "System."
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