Dating Women Podcast Episode 18
Bonus segments from The Doc Love Club:
*Don't let being lonely defeat you
*A simple dating strategy that works
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PS - if you want even more audio - listen to our weekly Dating Women Radio Show (Wednesdays at 5:00 p.m. PT / 8:00 p.m. ET)
WHAT'S THE 411 ON THIS ARTICLE?
So, SHE made it nearly impossible to see her on a date before SHE had to go out of town and guess who got mad about everything? Yeah, SHE did - can you say STRUCTURED?
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After being in a five-year relationship and being dumped after my ex lied and cheated, some of my buddies suggested online dating, so I gave it a shot. Although I’ve not been very successful, I did manage to meet one person.
Tara and I began to talk everyday, on the phone and on Skype and I would get good morning text messages EVERY morning. She’s one of those girls who likes to talk every day. Over the next two months we talked about basically everything under the sun, which pleased her because she verbalized her comfort level with me, how she could see us together, how I was different from the other guys she has dated, and how she really wanted to meet me when I got home from college.
Our first meeting was at a bar with her friend and some random guy her friend had met. It was awkward because Tara seemed more interested in everything but me. We danced a little, but she never wanted to sit down and talk (which I saw as a Red Flag). When I got home that night she sent me a text apologizing for her attitude and said that she really wanted to see me again.
The next week I tried to set up a date for Thursday, to which Tara agreed. She flaked on the date because she wanted to shop for a going- away present for a friend. I said how about tomorrow and she said yes. Later that day she said she couldn’t because the going-away party was going to be mostly people from her school, to which I replied, “What does that have to do with me seeing you?”
I was perturbed and sent her a text outlining that her words were counter to her actions and behavior towards me. Then she told me that she was moving four hours away and said “I don’t want to do long distance and I didn’t know how to tell you, so let’s just be friends.” Doc, this is after we talked daily ad nauseum!
I was ready to write Tara off. We didn’t speak for two days. I felt pretty bad not because of her reluctance to be honest, but because I actually missed talking to her every day. I also didn’t want to be like a lot of the other men in her life and just disappear because things weren’t going my way. I relayed this to Tara and she still wanted to talk. However, the good morning texts have all but stopped and it seems as if I am putting more effort than it’s worth into this girl. It’s as if she’s pushing me further and further away, but it’s weird because she displayed and verbalized feelings for me at the beginning and has now just turned it off.
Should I keep in contact with Tara? Should I pull back and see how she responds? How long should I wait? I am kind of at a loss because I was developing feelings for her as well. I recently purchased your book after talking with a friend who recommended it, but have not received it yet.
Gerald - who is severely confused about the whole thing
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DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
First of all, the telephone is to get the date, not to yak away before the date. You absolutely butchered Challenge when you did all this talking with Tara, and moreover, you couldn’t see her body language, which put you a major disadvantage.
Dude, all girls like to talk every day! But “The System” guy DOESN’T talk every day. He sets up the date and he talks with the girl on the date. He doesn’t spend all kinds of time conversing with her until then because he realizes the importance of body language.
So Tara told you that she could see you two together, but she’s never even set eyes on you and had a single date with you? Think about that. It makes no sense, Gerald!
When she finally met you and seemed interested in everything but you, it meant YOU WERE OUT FOREVER. It means you flunked the PHYSICAL ATTRACTION TEST. And that’s one more reason to stay off the phone. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Whatever happens on the phone can be very misleading.”
But after this fiasco at the bar, Tara told you that she wanted to see you again. As the old cowboy saying goes, “Beware of women who run hot and cold.”
Now let me get this straight. Tara digs you so much that she couldn’t have gone shopping an hour earlier for the going-away present? What does that tell you, pal? When you immediately asked her out for the next day after she flaked, it showed Tara that you were a loser. To you Psych majors, when a girl breaks a date, it’s on HER to counter-offer, not you.
Then you asked why you couldn’t see Tara on the weekend of the going- away party. Hey, Gerald, everybody knows that weekend parties last from Friday until Monday morning. She couldn’t possibly find time for you! Duh!
But you sent her a message anyway arguing that her behavior was the opposite of her words. So now you’re calling a girl you’ve only been out with once on a group date a liar. Gerald, you’re real slick!
Then finally the truth came out. Tara didn’t know how to tell you it was over. Dude, if you’d passed the Physical Attraction Test, Tara would have toughed it out despite the long distance – even though I would have been against it!
Your problem was that you did all that talking ad nauseum to Tara. Again, the phone is to get the date, and that’s it! You might have liked talking to Tara every day, but guess what? She never liked you! You don’t seem to realize that, my friend. You actually bought her verbalizations, which meant absolutely nothing.
Guy, when things aren’t going your way, that’s when you’re supposed to disappear! But you have to figure out why they’re not going your way. Would they have gone your way if you’d done things differently! Of course!
Tara NEVER displayed any feelings for you, Gerald. Sending you a silly note every morning meant nothing at all. And remember, you had all of one get-together with her, and it was a group date. You’re acting like you went out with this girl 15 times. No offense, man, but you’re very naïve.
No, forget contact with Tara – it’s a waste of time. She’s not going to respond because her Interest Level is below 50%. How long should you wait? Oh, a hundred years. So you’re developing feelings for a girl who shows up with a girl and a guy on a date and then doesn’t talk to you? Hey, that’s sharp!
Gerald, my book will set you free. If you do what I tell you to do in “The System,” YOU WILL NEVER BE CONFUSED BY A WOMAN AGAIN.
Remember, guys: if you don’t pass the Physical Attraction Test, you’re out.
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