Dating Women Podcast Episode 17
We talk about being ready for Ms. Right, review the Bumble.com dating app, discuss why it's still important to be old school and much more.
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WHAT'S THE 411 ON THIS ARTICLE?
So, SHE made it nearly impossible to see her on a date before SHE had to go out of town and guess who got mad about everything? Yeah, SHE did - can you say STRUCTURED?
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I’ve been dating Sasha for about a month. She’s about to go away for a week, so we made plans for a date before she left. I texted her saying that I would pick her up at 3, she texted back that she had class until 6 and then was meeting a girlfriend at 9 and had to get up at 7 the next morning so she’d have to be asleep early. Assuming this was a brush off, or a sign of supreme flakiness, I responded, “Well it sounds like you have plans, so let’s reschedule.”
She responded, “No, I won’t be back until next Friday.” So I responded “Well, if you don’t get out of class until 6 and you’re meeting your friend at 9 and you have to be up at 7, I don’t really see how we can meet up.” She said, “Well we have three hours, plus if you want you should come with me and my friend at 9 when we go out. Why are you being difficult?” Now let me point out that there isn’t really three hours. If Sasha gets out of class at 6 it will take until 7 for her to get anywhere to meet me and if she has to meet someone at 9 we’ll have to part ways around 8, and the idea of being with girls having a drink together at 9 sounds like being in Hell to me.
So I texted back, “I’m not being difficult. If you want to come over after class that would be cool. I had something planned for our date but that’s okay. I can make you dinner instead.” (I was going to cook her mussels and pasta and then drive her to the beach.) Well, she didn’t like my idea. She apparently wanted a different kind of date, and she said, “So basically I should come over so we can just make out – great!” At this point I tried to call her, and left a message asking her to call me so we don’t argue by text message. She texted back, “No, I’m stressed and tired I will give you a call when I get back to town.”
I responded with, “That’s fine, I’ll talk to you then,” to which she responded, “You’re not supposed to say it’s fine! That makes me think you don’t want to see me. I’m being cranky but you’re acting like you don’t want to see me!”
I didn’t respond, because honestly I don’t know what to say. From my perspective she changed our plans, then got mad when I said that was fine and we could reschedule, then got mad when I asked her to come over, then wouldn’t take my call, then got mad when I said it was okay not to call, then got mad when I said to call. What’s up with this?
Seb - who is confused as hell
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DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
First of all, this girl is NOT organized. It doesn’t mean that she necessarily has low Interest Level in you, but she’s one of those people who tries to cram too many things into a small amount of time. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “This babe likes to over-book herself.” Throw in the fact that she was leaving town for a week and it’s obvious that she can’t handle everything that’s on her plate.
Now, when Sasha told you that she had three hours in which to see you, she really only had a half-hour. The fact that she refused to see it any other way tells you that Sasha is really STRUCTURED. And you know what “The System” has to say about structured women. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “Forget about ever getting her to see it your way.”
When Sasha said you were being difficult, she was really putting you down. And by being so hardheaded, she showed that she’s not Flexible. To you Psych majors, a good girl has to be FLEXIBLE. On top of that she’s not organized, as I mentioned earlier. This makes for a very unpleasant situation, to say the least. Do you really want to be faced with unpleasant situations on a daily basis for the next 40 or 50 years, Seb?
Being a nice guy, you counteroffered with dinner at your place, which Sasha promptly rejected. In fact, she was downright insulted by the offer and thought you were somehow looking to take advantage of her rather than trying to make things easier for her. But here’s where you made a mistake. Instead of making that counteroffer, you should have just withdrawn any offer of a date altogether. Then Sasha went and broke the date altogether. So what you really have here, Seb, is a broken date.
Sasha is very uptight. Think about this, my friend: whenever you have a problem with her in the future, she’s going to have to prove that you’re wrong. This goes back to her being STRUCTURED. Do you really want to deal with a hardheaded, intransigent woman for the rest of your life?
Now at this point you don’t know what to say to all of her back and forth and arguments and stonewalling. What you should say is “Have a safe trip and I’ll see you when you get back.” Then you should DUMP her. Seb, you did absolutely nothing wrong here except for not withdrawing your counteroffer to Sasha for dinner at your house.
Remember, guys: if she won’t negotiate with you pleasantly, you have to drop her.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
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