Hey Doc,

I am a great believer in “The System.” Morgan, who works at my office, was giving me strong buying signals, for instance, flirting, trying to get my attention by raising her voice when I was nearby, or laughing with other guys in front of me, getting jealous when I flirted with other girls and more. The more I employed Challenge, the more these signals would be incoming.

On one occasion, I threw out in mid conversation, “Hey, do you want to do dinner next Tuesday?” I watched for any hesitation, but she very enthusiastically said, “I would love to and it will be fun.” She did not hesitate for even a second. We continued chatting, and a few minutes later, she told me that she was not sure if she would be in the city that day and needed to check as she might be delayed on a business trip. I should have said, “Call me when you have a good day,” thus putting the onus on her, but I screwed up and the situation was left in the air. Note she didn’t counteroffer. It just so happens that my best friend works in the same office as us and told me her story checks out -- Morgan was definitely telling the truth and was not in the city.

I waited 15 days, then tried calling her but she didn’t pick up (Red Flag). A few hours later she texted me that she noted a missed call from me. I texted back asking if she wanted to get a bite Monday night (five days away). She waited a day to respond (big Red Flag). She said she would prefer Tuesday for a lunch date (Red Flag). I countered with “Let’s do dinner on Tuesday at seven.” She did not text back to confirm. I now think she was trying to gently get out of dinner and trying to friend-zone me. I felt in my gut that something was very wrong. I texted Morgan three hours before we were supposed to meet and said, “Are you still on?” She texted back that she had an upset stomach and wanted to take a rain check.

As Morgan did not counteroffer, I have written her off completely. In the following days we crossed paths a few times and she avoided me and pretended to not see me. I am not going to ask Morgan out ever again as she broke the date. But I can’t understand how a girl can go from hot to as cold as ice over such a short period -- I wasn’t even around to lower her Interest Level! Could it be due to her age?

She turned 23 last month and I am 27. Was Morgan just flirting with me to boost her self-esteem and just had low Interest Level all along? Do you think she was annoyed that I did not ask her out again for 15 days and this lowered her interest below 50%?

Colt - who’s trying to figure her out

Hi Colt,

It was great that you were flirting with other girls in front of Morgan -- good move. But then you turned around and committed a blunder by saying let’s do dinner. You ask for the phone number, guy.

First you ask for her phone number then you wait a week to call her. So you jumped the gun here, Colt.

Another blunder was not withdrawing the offer of a date when Morgan said she didn’t know whether she was going to be in the city. To you Psych majors, when you’re faced with a “definite maybe” date, you WITHDRAW THE OFFER because they never work out. And why didn’t you ask Morgan what day would be good for her? You should have helped her out by finding a date when she was 100% sure that she could make it. Another blunder, Colt. You didn’t pin this thing down.

Then you went and got information from another guy at work about a girl you’re interested in. Dude,
you shouldn’t be talking to ANYBODY there about Morgan. How do you know that your buddy isn’t after Morgan? For all you know, he’s a Blocker backstabbing you.

Then you waited 15 days – much too long -- to call Morgan again. You’re only supposed to wait a week, man. And you don’t know that...

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