WHAT'S THE 411 ON THIS ARTICLE?
The double date was bad enough - but now he doesn't know where he stands with her.
You always, always, always have to GET THINGS CLEAR with a woman - do not leave yourself open to guesswork like our poor reader this week.
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READER'S QUESTION
Hey Doc,
I’m in high school and recently went on a double date set up by one of my friends. The girl’s name is Robin. It seemed like she had a lot of fun and that she liked me, and my friend, who is a big chick magnet, agreed.
After I got Robin’s number and texted her she said we should hang out again, and she sounded very enthusiastic. Now it’s been a month since that double date, and we have both been very busy with summer vacations. The most recent text Robin sent me was “Hey, I’m pretty busy this week, it might be better to hang out next week!” This was after I asked her to look at her schedule and get back to me, which she did. That was a good sign. I asked her if the reason she couldn’t get together this week was because she was babysitting (she babysits a lot) and she said yes, and that she had a lot of family get-togethers to go to as well.
Then I asked her how far in advance she knows her babysitting schedule so that I could figure out when we could do something together. She did not respond after that, which was the first time she didn’t respond to one of my texts. My phone is very crappy however, and it doesn’t always send messages and now I’m wondering if she even got it. It’s been three days since we talked and I’m planning on texting Robin tomorrow to ask when we can hang out.
Doc, basically I’m worried that I have not been texting Robin correctly. I always got out of our conversations pretty fast. I did not ask a lot of boring questions so I could “get to know” Robin better, and I did a good job of showing her that I am busy and have a life outside of her. And I only texted her every few days. So if she is not responding now, could I be doing something wrong? What should I do when I text Robin tomorrow? My friend said Robin liked me and her best friend told me that I definitely needed to get her number when we were on that double date.
Dre - who doesn’t know how to handle it
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DOC'S ANSWER
Hi Dre,
What do you mean by “it seemed” like Robin had a lot of fun? Did she or didn’t she? Did she mention right away that she would like to do it again? Did she touch you on the arm when you were talking to her? Did she laugh at your jokes? You don’t say whether or not she gave you any buying signals, so it doesn’t mean anything that you guess she might have had a lot of fun. When Robin sounded enthusiastic when you texted her after the double date, YOU SHOULD HAVE ASKED HER OUT right then and there. It’s obvious that you don’t have “The System,” pal. If you did, you would have known what to do.
But you tell me that you and Robin are both busy with summer vacations. So let me get this straight: you had 30 straight days from the time you last saw her, and she couldn’t give you two hours of time? Something’s wrong here, my friend. You didn’t ask her out after a week. You should have. Instead, you let a month go by. To you Psych majors, you can’t let a month go by before asking the girl out. And you should have...
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WHAT DO YOU THINK?
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Hi, Doc.
Is texting allowed AT ALL in the System ?
Shouldn´t we always be CALLING girls out for dates ?
Thank you.
Hi Daniel,
Thanks for writing – I know that texting is a reality of our times but the more you can limit or eliminate it, the better. Not because I’m against texting per se – but because it is IMPOSSIBLE to understand any emotion from characters on a screen – no matter how many smiley faces or “rofl’s” she uses – the best thing to do is use the phone as a tool only as a means to get in front of her. Talking on the phone, texting on the phone, all of this is ANTI-CHALLENGE and it is impossible for you to see her reactions like you can in person.
I hope this helps.