DO THE WRONG THING AND GET REJECTED!
This one is pretty simple - he did the wrong things with her and got a predictable response - REJECTION - don't let it happen to you!
I’m not an expert by any means when it comes to dating, and I consider myself to be a student who will never stop learning. Anyway, I met Lena three months ago by means of an online dating service. She contacted me first, so I waited a couple days to respond so as to not seem interested. On our first date things went smoothly, I didn’t touch her and I kept my cool.
As time went on I kept track of Lena’s Interest Level. More and more she talked about travelling together, talking about what to get me for my birthday, always telling me how handsome I was, telling me that she always thought of me, and even asked if I would join her on a trip to Mexico. I kept my cool, and didn't give her much back because we’d only dated for two and a half months. I followed the principle of not expressing myself verbally, but made a couple errors here and there, like spending too much time on a single date, but I would always have in the back of my mind that I needed to disappear to bring Lena’s interest back up if any was lost.
A few times Lena commented that she always dated older guys, and that she never dated schoolboys like myself. I always made light, funny comments in return. Lena also didn’t like the fact that I didn’t say “Hello, Beautiful” in the morning. Once she had left tuna fish on the counter and after returning from a date I made the joking comment “It smells like a yeast infection in here!” which she took personally even though it wasn’t aimed at her.
Anyway, a week ago -- three months into the relationship -- Lena said that we were incompatible and broke up with me. She said that my chivalry, my lovemaking, my humor, and everything else about me is a “10.” She said that if we continued to be together, one of us will get hurt. I have come to find out that Lena has a past in which she catered to a guy 13 years her senior who didn’t treat her well, but she put up with him. Lena smokes marijuana and is also a cigarette smoker. I believe she has deep insecurities, and isn’t able to deal with Challenge.
Doc, was my performance in the dating stage flawed? Some simple feedback would be appreciated.
Lucio - who is still trying to learn
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It’s really important that you mention that you will never stop learning. You need to be reading seven pages of my book every single night in order to reap the full benefits of its wisdom. You have to keep in close touch with “The System,” otherwise you’ll revert to your old ways.
Let me explain something to you. When a woman is trying to get a date with you, that’s NOT the time to use Challenge on her! She hasn’t even seen you yet, Lucio! You have to get in front of her face in order to work Challenge. You’re not supposed to wait on her invitation to a date because she’s never met you physically. Challenge only works after you she has seen you in real life!
Nevertheless, at first Lena couldn’t stop telling you how great you were. This is the rare moment in time when the woman’s Interest Level is 95% and you can do no wrong. But what most men can’t do is...
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Since challenge doesn’t seem to be the cause of the break-up, one would assume that he turned her off by lacking confidence and/or control, although exactly how isn’t specified.
Also, she exhibited some red flags to him, the biggest one being she doesn’t dig his type of guy. So, what should he have done? Dumped her first? How does one deal with a woman with a 90% interest level who doesn’t dig your type of guy?
Well, he shouldn’t have gotten involved in the first place – it is always a guy’s ego that gets him in trouble thinking that he can be the one guy that turns her around even though he knows going in that she doesn’t like his type
All righty, then. Thanks for the weekly articles and for this discussion. Your advice is golden.
Thanks for your support – it’s truly appreciated!
I disagree doc. He had no chance whatsoever in long term, because she was not clinicaly sane. No matter how much you respect a wolf, it bites you at the end. That’s his case. I’m glad they’re broken. Even you dear doc can’t deal with these girls.
You could be right about her but that does not excuse his behavior in the situation – remember that every time you date a girl you are practicing for Ms. Right – and while she may not have been Ms. Right you have to have your game as tight as possible – thank you for writing – I truly appreciate it!
Its not a good comment about the tuna. Very bad. He tried to be funny though but it fell flat. He didn’t view this as a putdown or negative so i understand where hes coming from. Thats why trying to be too much humorous can be dangerous. You can put your foot in your mouth. I think she liked him and made an exception to date him. Just because she dated older guys does not mean there is no way she could of liked him. I dig fit women or voluptuous. Does not mean i wont go for a skinny girl if i find her attractive for whatever reason. Like everything in life theres exceptions. He did things to turn her off and that is it on the other hand she is structured so who cares. Sorry Doc but i do not agree 100% with you on this one.
I’m glad that you posted this because I want my guys to be thinkers and you lay out some good arguments. Your comment that “who cares” when talking about her being STRUCTURED is spot on. However, I never said she could never like him – in fact, read this at the end of the article: “Lena liked you at first, but like most men who get a woman to love him, you didn’t know how to keep her.”
So, she did like him but he turned her off – but again, the fact that she’s structured so who cares, as you pointed out, makes it no big loss.
Thanks for writing.
He seemed surprised at the breakup. It means he wasn’t keeping track of her interest accurately.
It won’t drop 90 to 49 overnight, if she was sane. But, its possible she was crazy or on the rebound, making her interest level unpredictable. Either way, he didn’t see it at all.
Was she really structured ? Or was she putting him down due to low interest ? We cannot say, because the guy missed all the clues.
This shows the importance of good observation. Otherwise you don’t see your own mistakes.
Great comments as always! Thanks for your support and for weighing in.
I’m looking for a girl who likes old geezers, so send her my way. lol