Doing The Wrong Things | Doc Love - Dating Advice For Men

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Overcome The Fear Of Rejection

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This one is pretty simple - he did the wrong things with her and got a predictable response - REJECTION - don't let it happen to you!

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Hey Doc,

I’m not an expert by any means when it comes to dating, and I consider myself to be a student who will never stop learning. Anyway, I met Lena three months ago by means of an online dating service. She contacted me first, so I waited a couple days to respond so as to not seem interested. On our first date things went smoothly, I didn’t touch her and I kept my cool.

As time went on I kept track of Lena’s Interest Level. More and more she talked about travelling together, talking about what to get me for my birthday, always telling me how handsome I was, telling me that she always thought of me, and even asked if I would join her on a trip to Mexico. I kept my cool, and didn't give her much back because we’d only dated for two and a half months. I followed the principle of not expressing myself verbally, but made a couple errors here and there, like spending too much time on a single date, but I would always have in the back of my mind that I needed to disappear to bring Lena’s interest back up if any was lost.

A few times Lena commented that she always dated older guys, and that she never dated schoolboys like myself. I always made light, funny comments in return. Lena also didn’t like the fact that I didn’t say “Hello, Beautiful” in the morning. Once she had left tuna fish on the counter and after returning from a date I made the joking comment “It smells like a yeast infection in here!” which she took personally even though it wasn’t aimed at her.

Anyway, a week ago -- three months into the relationship -- Lena said that we were incompatible and broke up with me. She said that my chivalry, my lovemaking, my humor, and everything else about me is a “10.” She said that if we continued to be together, one of us will get hurt. I have come to find out that Lena has a past in which she catered to a guy 13 years her senior who didn’t treat her well, but she put up with him. Lena smokes marijuana and is also a cigarette smoker. I believe she has deep insecurities, and isn’t able to deal with Challenge.

Doc, was my performance in the dating stage flawed? Some simple feedback would be appreciated.

Lucio - who is still trying to learn

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Hi Lucio,

It’s really important that you mention that you will never stop learning. You need to be reading seven pages of my book every single night in order to reap the full benefits of its wisdom. You have to keep in close touch with “The System,” otherwise you’ll revert to your old ways.

Let me explain something to you. When a woman is trying to get a date with you, that’s NOT the time to use Challenge on her! She hasn’t even seen you yet, Lucio! You have to get in front of her face in order to work Challenge. You’re not supposed to wait on her invitation to a date because she’s never met you physically. Challenge only works after you she has seen you in real life!

Nevertheless, at first Lena couldn’t stop telling you how great you were. This is the rare moment in time when the woman’s Interest Level is 95% and you can do no wrong. But what most men can’t do is keep her interest in the 90s. And that’s where you have to know “The System” inside and out, because in the book there are techniques for maintaining high interest. So you’re not paying enough attention to my book, guy.

You do make an excellent point about disappearing in order to push up a woman’s Interest Level. It shows you have a basic understanding of the concept of Challenge. But when Lena told you that she preferred dating older guys, right away you should have known you had a BIG problem. This babe has a pattern of digging older guys. Some women are just that way. Some go for short guys, some like tall guys, and some go for older guys over younger guys.

In addition, Lena wants to tell you what to say to her. This woman is STRUCTURED. But here’s the big mistake you made: your tuna fish comment was indeed aimed at Lena. And you violated some of the five basic dating rules, which are keep it light, keep it funny, no heavy subjects, no negatives and no putdowns. On the last two – no negatives and no putdowns – you get a big, fat “F!” You blew it! Dude, you never imply a bad smell when it comes to your girlfriend. Are you sure you read my book?

Now let me get this straight. Lena loves everything about you but she’s going to walk? This is Womanese, Lucio! To you Psych majors, women will never tell you “You turned me off.” They always hand you a bunch of malarkey instead – the second, third, fourth, and fifth reasons for why they want to dump you -- not the real one. Like most women, Lena is trying to let you down gently so you’ll get the drift and just go away.

Of course one of you is going to get hurt – YOU! It certainly isn’t going to be her, because she’s already bailed!

Again, her past tells you that she likes a different type of guy. Like my cousin General Love says, “She likes old geezers that are dictators.” And you have to understand that you might have been a Challenge to Lena at one time, but you were doing things to turn her off as well. Her Interest Level went from 95% to 45% and you didn’t see it happening because you weren’t familiar enough with my book. If you’d read it once a week for 15 weeks, then seven pages a night like you’re supposed to, you wouldn’t be in the fix you’re in. Lena liked you at first, but like most men who get a woman to love him, you didn’t know how to keep her.

Yes, your dating performance was flawed. You had to do things wrong because you turned her off and now she’s getting rid of you.

Remember, guys: until you’ve memorized “The System,” you don’t stand a chance.

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Don't forget about listening live to my Dating Women Radio Show  every Wednesday & call in on the #'s below at 5:00 p.m. PT / 8:00 p.m. ET

855-345-7465 US Toll FREE
646-668-8937 - international plus Alaska and Hawaii

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What do you think about the above article?  Do you think she was right to blow him off?  Did he do the wrong things?  I would enjoy it if you'd give me your take.  Let's start talking below!

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Leave a Reply 8 comments

Denny - 15 July 2015 Reply

Since challenge doesn’t seem to be the cause of the break-up, one would assume that he turned her off by lacking confidence and/or control, although exactly how isn’t specified.

Also, she exhibited some red flags to him, the biggest one being she doesn’t dig his type of guy. So, what should he have done? Dumped her first? How does one deal with a woman with a 90% interest level who doesn’t dig your type of guy?

    DocLove - 16 July 2015 Reply

    Well, he shouldn’t have gotten involved in the first place – it is always a guy’s ego that gets him in trouble thinking that he can be the one guy that turns her around even though he knows going in that she doesn’t like his type

      Denny - 16 July 2015 Reply

      All righty, then. Thanks for the weekly articles and for this discussion. Your advice is golden.

        DocLove - 16 July 2015 Reply


        Thanks for your support – it’s truly appreciated!

Saeed Nemati - 15 July 2015 Reply

I disagree doc. He had no chance whatsoever in long term, because she was not clinicaly sane. No matter how much you respect a wolf, it bites you at the end. That’s his case. I’m glad they’re broken. Even you dear doc can’t deal with these girls.

    DocLove - 16 July 2015 Reply

    You could be right about her but that does not excuse his behavior in the situation – remember that every time you date a girl you are practicing for Ms. Right – and while she may not have been Ms. Right you have to have your game as tight as possible – thank you for writing – I truly appreciate it!

nick - 30 July 2015 Reply

Its not a good comment about the tuna. Very bad. He tried to be funny though but it fell flat. He didn’t view this as a putdown or negative so i understand where hes coming from. Thats why trying to be too much humorous can be dangerous. You can put your foot in your mouth. I think she liked him and made an exception to date him. Just because she dated older guys does not mean there is no way she could of liked him. I dig fit women or voluptuous. Does not mean i wont go for a skinny girl if i find her attractive for whatever reason. Like everything in life theres exceptions. He did things to turn her off and that is it on the other hand she is structured so who cares. Sorry Doc but i do not agree 100% with you on this one.

    DocLove - 31 July 2015 Reply

    Hey Nick,

    I’m glad that you posted this because I want my guys to be thinkers and you lay out some good arguments. Your comment that “who cares” when talking about her being STRUCTURED is spot on. However, I never said she could never like him – in fact, read this at the end of the article: “Lena liked you at first, but like most men who get a woman to love him, you didn’t know how to keep her.”

    So, she did like him but he turned her off – but again, the fact that she’s structured so who cares, as you pointed out, makes it no big loss.

    Thanks for writing.

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