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"Friends with benefits" does NOT mean you can get a relationship! Read on...
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For the past three years I have been in the dreaded “friend zone” with Violet. I did just about everything right when I met her. Got all the way to the point of falling asleep with her on the couch at sunrise and moving in for a kiss only to have her say she wanted to wait and not rush into it. It then stagnated for a year before we became friends with benefits for a few months. I then pushed for making Violet my girlfriend and BAM -- back in the friend zone.
Violet is now with me every weekend. She stays over and sleeps in the same bed as me. We cuddle in bed and whenever I attempt a more romantic gesture, she rebuffs me in a firm but friendly way. It just doesn't make sense. She even admits that she wishes she was more logical, and while intoxicated she has cried to me that she wishes she “wasn’t so stupid by going for idiot guys” or that perhaps if I would put up more of a Challenge she would be attracted to me romantically again.
I have tried hitting the reset button by ceasing to be friends with Violet for a few months at a time with no contact. But over the past month I began talking to her again about our relationship, making my intentions obvious. Her response now is that the two of us should get married at 40 if we are both still single (I’m 28 and she’s 25). This is beyond infuriating, and 95% of the other women I’ve been with I would’ve stopped caring about ages ago.
Other than not talking to Violet, do you have any coaching for me?
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Using the word SKIM when it comes to “The System” is probably the biggest mistake of your life. My material must be MEMORIZED. You have to be able to get up in front of Toastmasters and talk about any part of my book for eight minutes. When you are able to do that, you’ll know you have my techniques down. And having them DOWN COLD is the only way you will become a success with women. Look at it this way: you can’t skim calculus. You can’t skim plastic surgery. It just won’t work. The same applies to “The System.”
So, you’ve been in the dreaded friend zone with Violet for three whole years. Why would any guy spend three entire years chasing a girl whose Interest Level is below 50%? This is what you get from just skimming a few pages of my book, Corkie! It’s all about the woman’s Interest Level, and Violet does not have interest above 50% in you! That’s your problem. And it’s that simple! And you leeched around this babe for three years? Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “What about all the women you missed out on in those three years?”
Now let me get this straight. You’ve spent three years with a woman, you go in for a kiss, and you’re rushing? Doesn’t this tell you something about Violet’s Interest Level? Or does it tell you that she should see a shrink?
When you and Violet became friends with benefits, you might have gotten her body, but you didn’t get her mind and heart, which is what you’ve wanted all along. What this means is that this woman DOESN’T DIG YOU. When you pushed to make Violet your girl, you didn’t get knocked back into the friend zone, you never LEFT the friend zone!
Now whenever you make a romantic gesture when you’re in bed together, Violet rebuffs you. In other words, you’re like her little brother. Or like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “You’re a stuffed teddy bear that she likes to hug at night.”
This whole thing does make sense, Corkie. Because this chick doesn’t like you. And you’re just projecting your Interest Level onto her. She’s not really attracted to idiot guys -- what she really means is that she’s more interested in guys who are a Challenge and have an edge to them. You’re not a Challenge and you don’t have an edge. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “You’re nothing but an open book to this woman.” When she said that if you were more of a Challenge she might be attracted to you, she was telling you the truth right there. But you don’t know what Challenge really is because you just skimmed my book.
Then you tell me that you’ve tried not having contact with Violet for months at a time. Dude, I’m shocked at the amount of time you’ve spent on a woman who has ZERO Interest Level in you! Even in just skimming my book you should have caught onto this! Are you sure you know how to read?
And now you’re making your intentions to Violet obvious all over again. In other words, you have high Interest Level and she has NO Interest Level! Then she suggested waiting another 20 years to get married if neither of you have found someone else. So in addition to having low Interest Level in you, Violet is a cuckoo!
Of course you would have stopped caring about any other woman if she’d done the same thing to you. But your Interest Level is somewhere between 90% and 100%. IT’S WAY TOO HIGH, pal. To you Psych majors, your Interest Level should never get up that high. It shouldn’t get higher than 80% to 89%, and the woman’s should be up at 90% to 100%. But Violet’s interest is below 50%, which means it can never go up. My friend, you have to get your Interest Level in Violet down by walking away and finding a replacement.
Remember, guys: never try to keep someone who doesn’t want to keep you.