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HOW LONG DOES JAMES TAYLOR WAIT TO DATE WHEN HE GETS DIVORCED?

Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen

Hey Doc,

I’m 42 years young and I live in Sweden. I’ve been reading your articles and listening to your radio shows and I just ordered “The System” minutes ago. Great stuff!

I’m rather good-looking, intelligent, somewhat reserved yet witty, and I’m also a fairly successful singer/songwriter. So women have always come to me. I’ve never really had to “date” them, just slightly encourage them. Unfortunately, I’m too much of a wimp when it comes to women to even make my own choices. I just go along with any woman who shows me some interest and affection (in other words if she passes the not-so-hard-to-pass physical attraction test and I’m not already involved with someone else!). Then I knock myself out to make things work with her even if there are enough red flags to form a Chinese national parade.

So here I am, coming out of my second divorce after five years of conflicts. My first marriage lasted 12 passionless years and I have children from both. They live with me part time and I’m at peace with their mothers, my ex-wives. Time to move on, yes?

I guess I’ve made ALL the mistakes that a typical Wimpus Swedus can possibly make. Man, do I need “The System!”

Three questions: 1) I was never really into dating, not even in my teens. How do I know when I’m ready to try? How long do I wait after this divorce?
 
2) I guess it’s Internet dating for me now, since I live in a small village (no nice ladies here but I can’t move away from my kids), bars and clubs aren’t my thing, and you say that long-distance relationships that I might have when touring with my act won’t work. But on the other hand I dislike the idea of exposing my face on dating sites, since people might recognize me from the papers and television. I don’t want gossip to be spread. What to do?

3) You often refer to Cary Grant as a role model. But hey, the guy was married five times and his private life was a mess. Why him?

Hi Dag,

Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Anytime you have anything to do with music -- especially if you’re in the band -- you’re allowed to make a lot of mistakes, dude.”

Dag, you’re a lucky guy and you don’t even realize it. You only have to slightly encourage women because you have a perfect way to actually meet them. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “Hey, man, most guys would give their right arm to be in your situation.”

I know you’re a wimp, pal. Most guys are. Which is why 99% of the men who read the Dating Dictionary actually tell me “Doc, I wish I’d met you sooner!”

You don’t ever have to knock yourself out over a girl, my friend. Once you get my techniques down, you’re not going to have to expend any undue effort making something work because the girl’s going to be knocking herself out chasing you and making you happy because you’re going to finally be a CHALLENGE. This is what you don’t understand right now. But that’s okay – you will once you’ve committed my book to memory.

Is it time to move on? Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, “Dawg, it’s mos def time to move on!” It’s never smart to remain stuck in a bad situation of any kind. But don’t do any dating until you’ve memorized my materials. And just be happy you met me. Once you’ve read my book 10 times you’ll be ready to date. How long should you wait after your divorce is finalized? When you’ve got my principles down cold, wait one day after you get your divorce papers to get back out there.

Long-distance relationships don’t work, period. If the woman moves to your village, that’s another story. Then you’ve got a shot. The point is this: if you meet a girl in Brussels, and you’re there a week while on tour, you’re going to be gone the next week. You can’t build a dating relationship that way. On the other hand, like I said earlier, the good thing is that you’re able to meet women due to your work. You have to look at that aspect of it as a huge positive in your life. Billy Joel doesn’t have to worry about where the next one is coming from. Once Christie Brinkley dumped him, the next one was right there waiting for him.

Dag, actually it’s perfect that people will recognize your face from the papers and TV. That’s what you want, guy! You want recognition. Again, you’re lucky, since you live in a small town, that you have a face that’s recognizable. To you Psych majors, if a girl contacts you because she knows your face, that’s fantastic. It saves you a lot of work and has her coming to you, right? What could be better than that? And since you’ll know my techniques soon, you won’t be a wimp anymore and you’ll handle these new babes differently than you did in the past. Now you’ll be the one in control – of yourself.

Don’t ever worry about gossip. There’s always going to be gossip. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “Small people love gossip, and there’s always gonna be a lot of small people.” So get past it. What do you care what other people say or think?

What to do? Get on the Internet and show your face.

Dag, I never said that Cary Grant was a role model. Ever. Please don’t misquote me. What I said was that you guys should study his movies. Big difference! Why him? Because Cary Grant does everything right in front of the camera. And that’s the only part you’re going to see. I don’t care if Cary Grant was married 50 times, when he was up on the Big Silver, he was only married once.

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For the past 30 years Doc Love has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”

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