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DOES JASON DERULO HAVE PROBLEMS KISSING BABES?

Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen

Success Coach - Doc Love

I've recently started dating again since my last relationship ended this summer. I live in a city with a great ratio of hot women to men, and see plenty of opportunity abound. I am no expert with women or in dating them, though. That's why I turned to "The System" and your weekly columns to help myself with the vagaries of dating women. I can say that it's been helpful, but I do have my problems still.

Here's my situation: I'm in my mid-twenties, and lately I've been dating a very beautiful, independent, and successful woman, Ashley, who is much older than me. She is definitely a hot cougar! I believe I've done a great job with Challenge, and see all the signs that point to her Interest Level being over 50%. My problem is that I am failing to make an intimate connection with her, and I'm afraid that she will start to throw me into the "friend zone." We have been on four dates and only twice have we pecked each other on the lips. That's when I dropped her off at home and said goodbye. I'm growing desperate to make a connection with her, and fear it may already be too late.

Each time we do "peck," Ashley backs off. She says she's extremely nervous, then quickly explains that she's not used to dating and kissing. It's the first time in a couple years she's dated since breaking up with her ex. When I get home, I get a text saying she had a great time, looks forward to seeing me, and apologies for being so nervous.

Doc, what can I do to make Ashley more comfortable with me on our next date so that I can kiss her, or do I just wait for her to make the move instead?

Sergio - who is a terrible kisser

Hi Sergio,

First of all, you have to immerse yourself in "The System." You have to eat, drink, think, sleep and dream the "The System." You have to read it once a week for 15 weeks and then review seven pages every night before you go to sleep. Only then will you GET IT. To you Psych majors, it's like being great at anything – you have to WORK REALLY, REALLY HARD at it. Perfection calls for complete dedication. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A., says, "Do you think Tiger Woods got to be Tiger Woods overnight?"

But what the heck are you doing with a cougar? Cougars don't look for long-term relationships with young guys. For them, you're strictly a physical diversion. My friend, you should be dating someone your own age or a little younger. Think about it. Is Ashley dating you just because you're young and good-looking? What's her reason for hanging with someone where there's such a broad age difference? What this means is that you have to be on top of your game, Sergio, and that means knowing my techniques inside and out. Like my cousin Sal "The Fish" Love says, "When she's got all the experience, you'd better know what the hell you're doing or you're gonna get burned."

Ashley's interest in you might be over 50%, but that doesn't tell me much. Is it 51% or is it 99%? That's a heck of a range, here, dude, and it makes all the difference when assessing exactly where you are with this kitty kat. But the most important point is that Ashley's Interest Level should be moving STEADILY UPWARDS – as in 55% to 65% to 75% to 85%, etc. Every time you two go out on a date her interest should be perceptibly increasing. And there are signs to watch for. For instance, does she show up on time? Does she light up like a Christmas tree when she sets eyes on you? Does she compliment you all the time? Can she hardly keep herself from touching you? Does she bug you about going out again? Does she talk about the future? These are the things that count. To you Psych majors, this is how you gauge Interest Level.

Sergio, you should be kissing this woman on the second, third, and fourth dates. You missed out on one out of the four. Which one was it? If it was the fourth date, that's a RED FLAG, because it means Ashley's interest in you isn't on the way up – it might very well be on the wane. On the other hand, don't be too desperate to make a connection. If she does everything else right, don't worry about the kissing. Just make sure you get the one kiss per date, though, to keep things pointed in the right direction.

So why is Ashley backing off when you peck her? Does she back off because she has scars and baggage? Or does she back off because she has low Interest Level? There are only two possibilities. My book gives you the tools to figure out which possibility you're dealing with. But Ashley claims she's just not used to dating and kissing. Guy, you're not making out with her for an hour! You're talking about a peck here and there. So what the heck is going on here?

Don't get all hung up on making Ashley "comfortable," whatever that means. Instead of forcing the action with her, you should wait for her to make the move. If she's doing everything else right and you're getting a peck on the lips on every date, you're okay for the time being. Your problem is that you haven't memorized my book, and so you don't know what signals to look for.

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