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DOES JULIA ROBERTS EVER REMIND HER HUSBAND HOW MUCH SHE EARNS?

Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen

Success Coach - Doc Love

I have a concern. I’ve been with my fiancé Kristi for four and a half years now (we’ve been living together for two of those years). Lately things have been really strange. I’ve noticed that she has not been wearing the engagement ring for about three weeks now. She’s been putting in extra hours at work and stayed out late twice in the last two weeks without telling me where she was going. When I confronted her about this, she told me that she’s not sure about how she feels about us.

This threw me for a loop, since in my mind things were great and we were pretty solid. She then went on to say that we are not ready financially for marriage and to start a family. Another shocker. I told her that most couples when they get married are not exactly rolling in the dough initially and she needs to stop over-analyzing things. She then said that I’m thinking with my emotions and have rose-colored glasses on. This hurt me because it seems to me that she is looking for excuses to delay or even not marry me.

I’m so confused. These past three weeks have been really draining. I recently got laid off and something tells me that this is part of the reason for all of this mess. Kristi mentioned during one of our arguments that we were living off her dime and if she were to lose her job she wouldn’t know what to do. This was really hurtful because it communicates that she’s resentful that she’s paying most of the major bills. We live in a condominium that she purchased, I don’t make nearly as much as she does and it was wrong for her to rub this in my face.

Amare - who feels diminished

Hi Amare,

It’s great that you’ve noticed that things are really strange. Most guys don’t notice that things are strange until late in the game -- meaning when they’re already on the way out. My program teaches you to notice that things aren’t right much, much earlier. In fact, “The System” helps you keep things from ever getting out of hand in the first place.

The fact that Kristi is not wearing her engagement ring is the biggest insult she could have leveled at you. What she’s telling you – physically, not verbally – is that you are OUT. She’s saying that she has no interest whatsoever in marrying you. Not wearing her ring says it all, pal. Like the old Chinese saying goes, “Actions speak louder than words, grasshopper.”

Of course Kristi isn’t going to tell you where she’s going at night. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “She’s got to meet some new guys, doesn’t she?” Telling you anything will just cramp her style. Gosh, you don’t expect her to be alone after you’re out of the picture, do you? Come on, Amare, wake up and smell the coffee.

When a woman says she’s not sure how she feels about you, that means her Interest Level is below 50%. And that means you’re in real trouble. If you thought you were pretty solid, it means you’re just like all the other turkeys out there. A couple of years ago Hulk Hogan was informed by a reporter that his wife had left him. Now, at 50, she’s marrying a 21-year-old boy toy. Poor Hulk thought things were pretty solid too, you know. 

Kristi is certainly correct that you’re in no financial position to try and start a family. But if she was a Giver and had 95% Interest Level in you, she would be willing to work around it. That’s the central point that you have to understand here. Obviously, she’s not head over heels for you anymore – if she ever was.

It’s a half-truth that you’re wearing rose-colored glasses. But the truth is that we do live in an economic society. Yes, your being broke is an excuse for Kristi not wanting to marry you. And like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “You can’t be havin’ babies when you’re broke.” But the more important point is that she wouldn’t want or need an economic excuse if she was wild for you. Let me give you this parallel example. When you tell a stupid joke to a woman whose interest in you is 95%, she’ll laugh her head off. If she’s planning to dump you, your joke is just corny. To you Psych majors, IT’S ALL INTEREST LEVEL.

When you got a pink slip from your job, it just proved Kristi’s argument. And what it means now is that you have no position or power in this relationship AT ALL. It’s true that if she lost her job, she wouldn’t know what to do. Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says. “Then you could both stand on the unemployment line together.” Of course Kristi is resentful of you. But the real reason she’s not happy paying the bills is because she has low Interest Level in you. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “If she was on the drug of high interest, she’d go out and take two jobs to support you.”

I don’t think that Kristi is rubbing your financial differences in your face. She’s just stating the facts. BUT THE FACTS ARE GROWING OUT OF HER FEELINGS FOR YOU. Unwittingly she makes a good point that when you met you were unemployed. Because as I’ve been saying all along, when she was in madly love with you, it didn’t matter what was – or wasn’t -- in your pockets.

That said, you do have to have money coming in. Women cannot stand guys who are out of work. That’s just the way they’re built. And they have to be built that way because they need to protect the family. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “To keep a woman satisfied, the more you make, the better.”

I’ve got bad news for you, guy. Kristi doesn’t want to marry you. Yes, you should move out, because you have nothing: you don’t own the condo, you don’t own Kristi’s heart, and you don’t own a job. Like my cousin General Love says, “So what good are you as a male?” That’s just the way most women see it.

Remember, guys: Interest Level cuts everything.

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