Dating Women Advice: Does Ryan Gosling Ever Run Out Of Things To Say To Eva Mendes?

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Dating Women Podcast Episode 55

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*Is online dating destroying your confidence and if so, should you give it up?

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READER'S QUESTION

Hey Doc,

I’ve read your book and I’ve listened to lots of your radio shows and I’ve learned so much. I get the conversation part. For the past 11 months with Teagen I’ve always tried to keep it LIGHT. NO HEAVY SUBJECTS, NO NEGATIVES, NO PUT-DOWNS, and I NEVER TALK ABOUT THE FUTURE or EXES. I would never let a debate degenerate into an argument. Arguing demonstrates lack of Self-Control. That is your mantra, which I have never forgotten.

On the weekends when we see each other, we like to cook together, watch a film, and play some board games to keep it fun. Now Teagen wants me to marry her and she says she is head over heels in love with me. She talks about the future and buying a place together. She wants me to move in with her. We have just booked a vacation to Jamaica. She also said she wishes I was her son’s dad. I’ve surprised Teagen this weekend with tickets to see her favorite band.

Here’s my first question. Can you give me a list of some of your favorite topics to talk about that are light, funny, uplifting and positive? Sometimes I run out of things to say to Teagen.

Secondly, tell me what comes next, Doc. The Dating Dictionary only covers maintenance, respect, affection and romance, and gives you only one suggestion in each chapter. I need more suggestions to keep things going in the right direction.

Finally, you said to wait at least 12 months before you move in with a girl. Should Teagen and I move in together in another month?

Teagen always says “Goodnight, my darling. I love you,” at night. What can I say to her before going to bed that isn’t too heavy?

King - who is close to mastering “The System

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DOC LOVE'S ANSWER

Hi King,

First of all, let me say thank you for the compliments. But before you marry anyone, you date the person for two years. I know that you’ve studied my book and that you listen to my radio shows, but you also have to TEST YOURSELF with my Mastery Series. Within the Mastery Series are tests to determine whether you understand “The System” on a deep, deep level. In addition, there are many ideas that reinforce the principles contained in The Dating Dictionary.

You don’t mention how young Teagen’s son is. If the boy is young, that is, younger than 17 or 18, there is the danger that he will resent your presence because you are not his real father. The kid might well say “Who the hell is this guy? I already have a father. I don’t need another father, Mom. I don’t want you to marry this man King.” So this is a potential Red Flag. Since you’ve given no indication how strong your relationship is with this boy, it’s something to keep a close eye on.

You’re not supposed to be talking to someone 24 hours a day. For instance, if you’re in the car with someone for two hours, you’re not obligated to fill that space. When a topic naturally comes up that you’re both concerned with, then you talk. As long as you’re going by the rules of “The System” – keep it light, funny, uplifting and positive – that’s the key. There can be a million topics included within those parameters, depending on the personalities of the people involved in the relationship. So when you run out of things to say to Teagen, just smile and show her your beautiful teeth. You’re not supposed to fill every second with noise when you’re with someone. When you think about it logically, it’s impossible.

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You’ll keep moving in the right direction if you and Teagen get out of the house once a week. And when you do, no talk about obligations or bills or anything heavy. And once a day give Teagen a compliment. Tell her, “Honey, you’re so beautiful, you belong on the cover of Cosmo magazine.” That takes about eight seconds, and she’ll be happy. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Most married men can’t give their wives an eight-second compliment per day, but they can spend three hours polishing the rims on their truck.” So remember to get out and do something fresh with Teagen. Check the Thursday newspapers, which will give you a list of the free events coming up on the following weekends. If you get out once a week, you’ll see and do different and new things instead of vegetating in front of the TV. To you Psych majors, the key to marriage is keeping it fresh.

Under the rules of “The System,” you don’t move in with a girl. The divorce rate is higher for people who have lived together. If you’re looking to find out what your relationship is made of by living with her, it doesn’t work if you go by the divorce rate. So you’re not going to move in together in another month. You’re going to date Teagen and after two years you’re going to marry her. But during those two years you’re going to study her like a hawk through the eyes of “The System” and you’re on the lookout for any Red Flags. If she’s 90% good, you’ll marry her, because you’re always going to have to put up with 10% that isn’t perfect. If more than 10% isn’t perfect, you’ll have to get rid of her. In your case, Teagen seems like a great girl who’s all over you. My major concern is the situation with her son.

Finally, before going to bed, tell Teagen, “Baby, you have great taste in men!”

Remember, guys: if you study “The System” and do what I say, you won’t have to move in with her.

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