HE CAN'T TRUST HER...
So, he can't trust his girlfriend - find out why and what he should do about it below and of course...
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Dating Women Podcast Episode 54
Your article is right below this but first on this week's podcast we give you:
*Do women test guys? YES - find out how to pass
*Don't be her butler
*Why is she with you?
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I’ve been dating Kayla (22 years young) for nine months now, and everything was great (or so I thought). She is definitely a Giver, Flexible and very sweet to me.
I’m only on my second reading of “The System,” and I can see that I’ve made a big mistake: I gave Kayla my apartment keys too soon, and although we do not live together, we were seeing each other four times a week. And now I know how this butchers Challenge.
Also, thanks to “The System,” in the past two months I was able to spot several Red Flags that have me worried:
1. At least once, Kayla gave her number to a guy when she went out with girlfriends. The guy texted her, and she replied a couple of times and then stopped. She never made any effort to hide this.
2. A couple of months ago, I caught her lying to one of her girlfriends, denying something that she had indeed done.
3. This week I discovered that she constantly checks the Facebook profile of one of her male classmates.
Once I caught that last thing, I told Kayla about it and she said that it was nothing, that she was only curious. Nevertheless, I took the opportunity to calmly ask for my apartment keys back, and tell her that because of her disrespect we were going to back off and see each other only twice a week, and see where we go from there. Kayla cried and told me she loves me, but I stood firm.
Doc, my question is this: are these Red Flags reason enough to dump Kayla? She seems to be an excellent girl all around and treats me great, but even though I may restore Challenge and raise her Interest Level, I fear that I will never fully trust her again after all this.
Stedman - who feels uneasy and has lost some interest
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DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
I’m very happy that you understand how Challenge will get butchered when you see a girl too much. Remember, the biggest complaint that women have regarding men is that they RUSH INTO RELATIONSHIPS. You should have never given Kayla the keys to your apartment. I realize that you have nine months in with her, but the negative is that she’s an 18 to 22-year-old. And you know what “The System” says about them. I don’t care if you’re a man or a woman, you’re simply not grown up at that age. A 22-year-old girl is going to be much different when she’s a 32-year-old woman. You’d be better off if Kayla were 25 or 26, Stedman. But you did recognize that you slaughtered Challenge, and you are to be applauded for that.
Before we deal with those Red Flags, let me mention that most guys don’t even look for them. But you are, because you have “The System” and you’re going by it. You know what to be on the lookout for and how to figure out what Kayla is doing right and what she’s doing wrong and whether or not she’s a keeper. Think of where you’d be with this girl if you didn’t have “The System,” Stedman!
Now, when Kayla gave her number to another guy, it was obvious immediately that she knows nothing about the concept of LOYALTY. To you Psych majors, when you’re with a guy for nine months, you NEVER give out your phone number to another guy. You can say Kayla is naïve or dumb or young or that she’s simply not Loyal, but the important point is that they’re ALL negatives. That’s why in “The System” we have the critical Bottom Line Factor, which means that you bottom line her actions in order to cut to the core of a problem. So like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Can a girl in love actually give her number to another guy and not have any clue that it goes against Loyalty?”
Then you have to ask yourself this: if Kayla lies to her girlfriend, is she also lying to you? Does she lie all the time? It’s another Red Flag that has to be monitored. But because you follow “The System,” you had your eyes open and you could see what was going on. Good for you, pal.
Finally, why is she not constantly checking your Facebook page instead of some other guy’s? This is a case of low Interest Level, dude. Kayla’s Interest Level in you is not 95%. She likes you and her interest is above 50%, but given her young age, you have problems here, my friend. Young girls are curious. But women in love who are 25 years old are not so curious because they already know they have the best guy on the face of the planet.
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You asked for your apartment keys back? Stedman, I have to take my hat off to you! You don’t realize how many men would not have the guts to do what you did. Ninety per cent of the men out there would not have been able to do even think about doing something like that and you actually did it. This is unbelievable, buddy! You actually told a girl directly that she was out of line – in other words you uttered the word NO. This is especially important in a relationship in order for the girl to RESPECT YOU. Kayla respects you now. Whether or not it drives up her Interest Level is another issue. But it’s great that you stood firm – most guys would have caved. Like my cousin General Love says, “You get the Congressional Medal of Honor for having a backbone!”
Are the Red Flags reason enough to dump Kayla? Because she has nine months in, I wouldn’t dump her, but I’d watch her like a hawk. And I’d try to figure out where her Interest Level is – is it in the 90s? Are you being enough of a Challenge? You’ve only read my book twice. If you’d read it 15 times, you would have been even sharper with Kayla during the past nine months and you wouldn’t have these problems now. Like most guys tell me, “I should have gotten the book earlier.”
Trust is a very strange thing. It takes a long time for it to be regained. Look at it this way: Kayla is on probation after you pulled your apartment keys from her. One mistake and she’s out.
Remember, guys: if you can’t trust her, what good is she?
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