Dating Women Podcast Episode 36
On this week's podcast we talk about:
How she really has to want to be with you - it's a special 2-part series featuring the actual class in the first part and then Doc expanding on the class in part 2. DON'T MISS IT!
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WHAT'S THE 411 ON THIS ARTICLE?
Outside of cheating on her, smoking weed all the time and being broke he's the BOYFRIEND OF THE YEAR (umm, not so much). The best part? He's surprised by her plummeting INTEREST LEVEL...
Read on and don't forget to listen to my Dating Women Radio Show EVERY WEDNESDAY at 5:00 p.m. PT / 8:00 p.m. ET
I’ve been dating Julia for four months. I’m 28, and she’s 22 and has one child.
I don’t have my own place or my own car but she does. On one of our dates I said I was going to run out on the bill (playfully, of course) and she got upset and tweeted with other people while we were eating. As time went on Julia took care of me until I got a job and got on my feet. However, I made a mistake and cheated on her and then proceeded to lie about it, which she found out. She broke up with me but I begged her to take me back and she did. I admitted my mistake and did my best to try and correct it. I told her and everyone I know that I wanted to marry her.
After my affair Julia became very resentful towards me and sent a lot of verbal putdowns my way via twitter. She called me a phony, disloyal, and said that I was not a good provider. She also said I don’t have a personality. One of her tweets read “I’ve been talking to a brick wall for two months now.”
Julia is still with me, although things blow hot and cold. The other night we went to a club for my birthday party and although she came with me, one of her guy friends was there and she went back and forth between us the entire night. I was drunk and she was too, so I pulled her onto my lap but she didn’t wrap her arms around me. She did smile a lot and was very talkative though, so I took that as a positive sign.
Julia threatens to leave me when I don’t do what she wants and I inevitably give in most of the time. I also found out that she gives out her number to guys but she does tell them that she has a boyfriend and that she can only give it to them on a “just friends” basis. She tweets things like “if you’re over 25 and you don’t have your own place and car and job it’s time for you to put the weed down and work.” It seems to be a veiled message to me. She also hates the fact that I smoke marijuana, something she knew from the get-go.
Doc, Julia always accepts my offers for dates, but sometimes I feel like the only way she’ll stay with me is if I pay. I really love this girl and don’t want to be judgmental of her because I’ve made mistakes too. She’s still with me, so I assume she still loves me. Could you tell me if this relationship is repairable?
Justin - who’s feeling worn down
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DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
First of all, Julia at 22 is way too young for you. At your age, you should be dating someone at least 25 years young. Something else: where is the father of Julia’s child? Does he pay child support? Is he involved in the child’s life at all? Does he come around and pick the child up when you’re on dates with Julia?
Okay, so you don’t have your own place or car. In other words, you’re BROKE. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “You can’t date women when you’re broke.” And you’re broke, dude.
So you kidded Julia about being a thief, and she went and told the whole world. Classy lady you’ve got here, Justin! On the other hand, it was nice of her to hang around and take care of you until you got a job. It shows that she’s a Giver, especially with all the crap she has to put up with from you. So that’s a positive thing.
Now let me get this straight – you have a woman who’s feeding you and putting a roof over your head and then you go to bed with another woman? Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Man, you’re a classless guy!” Listen, Justin, telling the entire world that you want to marry a babe doesn’t get you off the hook from cheating on her, especially when Julia is feeding you and has put a roof over your head.
Then she went and called you all kinds of names: phony, disloyal and a lousy provider. The problem is that she’s right about all of them, buddy. You can’t really quibble with anything she said about you, can you?
Then at your drunken birthday party she went back and forth between you and another guy. So basically she’s as loyal as you are! Why are you getting drunk with this mother who is responsible for a very young child? Your entire life is a mess, Justin, and so is Julia’s. Like my cousin General Love says, “You have a lot of cleaning up to do, soldier.”
So, Julia gives out her phone number to other guys. At 22, one guy isn’t enough for her! Maybe it’s your dope-smoking that turns her off, have you thought of that? And by the way, you can’t afford to do drugs!
Let me explain something to you. What you’re really fighting here is Julia’s resentment because you cheated on her. It has nothing to do with whether or not you pay for dates.
Is this relationship repairable? Yes, if you get a stable job and a car and you stop smoking grass and messing around with other women. But the most important thing is that you need to get “The System” ASAP and memorize it in order to straighten out your life and learn how to treat Julia properly. Then, hopefully, you’ll be able to live a stable life and be a good father to her child. In other words, you’re a big mess, Justin. You have a lot of issues to clean up.
Remember, guys: you cannot date women if you’re broke.
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