WHAT'S THE 411 ON THIS ARTICLE?
5 months in and his "girlfriend" is only his girlfriend in name only because she's sure not acting like it and he's too CLUELESS to see what's actually going on.
I’ve been seeing Kayla for five months. We are both college students. We are romantic and intimate and have been for the past two months. We have no problems in that area, nor do we have any other problems. We always seem to enjoy each other’s company. But while Kayla still flirts with me, it seems to be dying off.
Actually, Kayla has me hanging by a thread. She’s terrible about calling me back when she says she will. She will also resort to text messaging instead of calling. Recently she’s been making more and more excuses about how she can’t hang out. I cracked and brought up to her how I was feeling and how I thought she was acting badly. She got very defensive and clammed up. She wouldn’t even talk with me about how I was feeling. I was merely trying to let her know that I didn’t feel as important as she says I am and that she doesn’t follow her words up with actions.
What really drives me crazy is that Kayla says she misses me by phone or text message, but when it comes down to it she doesn’t make time for me. For example, we went through a week and a half of not seeing each other. She made excuses that she was “sick” or “tired” or “busy with school.” It got to the point where I stopped asking her to hang out simply because every time I did she had an excuse, but she would still always tell me I mean so much to her and she misses me and cares so much about me.
Well, after that long stint of not seeing each other she went to the college football game without me. I’d told her several times that I wanted to go with her, but I didn’t want to bug her and backed off after a while. I didn’t want to come off as desperate, so I just sat back and did my own thing in hopes she would come out of her funk. In the end she didn’t go with me to the game.
Overall, Kayla doesn’t put out any effort to see me. She wants me around, but only when it’s convenient for her. Now she won’t respond to my text messages and sometimes won’t even return my phone calls or call me back when she says she will. But always the next day she ends up messaging me like nothing’s wrong. She won’t go out of her way for me like I do for her. When she has a free night she always ends up doing something with her sister or friends instead of me. I tried explaining to her that she’s pushing me away and may eventually push me all the way.
Help, Doc! I need your coaching.
Eric - who can’t take it anymore
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When a guy says “it seems like it’s dying off,” that means that the girl’s Interest Level has taken a swan dive. In other words, it’s going 65%, 64%, 63%, etc. It might drop only a point a week, but after a few months it’s over and you’re history. If Kayla is terrible about calling you back, it’s because she doesn’t have 95% Interest Level in you. To you Psych majors, a girl with 95% interest is going to call you back. A girl with 65% interest won’t call, or she’ll wait a couple of days.
Now if Kayla’s making excuses for why she can’t see you, it means her Interest Level is down to 55%. What this tells me is that you don’t have my book, pal. And I also see that Kayla is between the ages of 18 and 22, which means she’s a ding-dong. But you don’t understand any of this because you don’t have “The System.” If you did, you wouldn’t be writing me.
All women get defensive and clam up when you confront them with their bad behavior, even if they’re guilty. You have a lot to learn about women, Eric. You know why Kayla won’t talk about how you’re feeling? Because she doesn’t care about you, that’s why. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “She’s inconsiderate and selfish and an inch from being a sociopath.” Again, if you had my book, you would have figured all of this out.
When you tell Kayla that you’re not really as important as she says you are, do you think it’s really going to up her Interest Level? Do you think she’s really going to respond with, “Oh! Since you opened up to me, I’m now going to have 85% interest in you instead of 65%?” Get a grip, Eric.
It’s absolutely amazing to me that you’ll shell out $45,000 a year for college but not a measly $99 for a book that will save you a lifetime of anguish and keep you out of divorce court. All that education to run your own business, and yet you won’t protect it and yourself by buying my love insurance. What sense does that make?
If Kayla doesn’t follow up her words with actions, it means she’s a LIAR. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “Trust means that when she says something, she does it.” You can’t trust this girl, and a man will never be comfortable with a woman who is untrustworthy.
Kayla gives you verbal assurances, but she doesn’t follow it up with action. She’s just brushing you off, man. It’s time to dump this chick. She doesn’t like you anymore. All those excuses she’s throwing at you are Womanese for telling you indirectly that her interest is down to 51% and she could care less about you. How much does she have to screw you around before you say to yourself, “Know what, Eric? I don’t think this girl likes me anymore! Duh!”
You shouldn’t be asking this girl out – you should be asking her to break up! No matter what she says, she’s putting you on. In “The System” we have the Bottom Line Factor, which says “Don’t go by what she says, go by her actions.” And when it comes to actions, Kayla scores a big fat “F”. Again, since you don’t have “The System,” you’re clueless.
Hey, asking your girlfriend to go to a football game is far from desperate. If she fights you on it, it means she doesn’t want to be with you. And you call Kayla a girlfriend? Buddy, you got so much to learn about babes I can hardly believe it! Are you sure you’re in college?
Kayla’s not in a funk – she just has no interest in you. Like most guys you keep rationalizing for her. Don’t you see that she doesn’t dig you anymore? How much more plain does she have to make it? Don’t you get it? You’re out! Dude, how much longer can you afford to wait before buying my book and getting your head on straight?
When Kayla messages you next, tell her you’re busy talking to some other chick and you’ll get back to her later. This is a girl who, when she wants to break up, makes you miserable so you have to do her dirty work for her. Most women – 66% -- just drop you. But 34% don’t. They keep battering you while moaning to their girlfriends, “Isn’t this idiot ever going to take the hint?”
Remember, guys: if you spend a fortune on college, why won’t you spend $99 for love insurance?
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