Is It Her Abusive Ex Or.. | Doc Love - Dating Advice For Men

Dating Women Advice: Does Diddy Ever Let His Interest Level Get Too High?

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He thinks they're breaking up because of her abusive ex but I have a different take...

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READER'S QUESTION

Hey Doc,

A few weeks ago I met Britt, an amazingly attractive woman with a great personality. We quickly found that we had a strong connection. We spent two straight days together, after which I asked her to be my girlfriend, and she said yes. We quickly began seeing each other every day. Things seemed to be going really well, until two weeks after we started dating. She abruptly canceled a date, telling me that she needed time to herself. She said she was confused, some things had happened, and she needed time to figure out what to do. I decided to give her space, but a couple of days later she told me our relationship was over.

At this point, I realized that we had moved too fast, but I needed more insight into what I did wrong. I found “The System,” which showed me that I had broken all the rules. I let my Interest Level get too high, failed to be a Challenge, didn’t keep serious subjects to a minimum, and jumped the gun on showing affection. I was prepared to suck it up, cut my losses, and move on, but the story continues….

I had left some DVDs at Britt’s apartment, which I fully intended to get back. When I went to get them, she was a mess. She said that her abusive ex had been terrorizing her. I did my best to say something supportive. Later that night, she called me and explained that breaking up with me was a mistake, but she needed some time to figure out what to do about her ex before getting into a new relationship. She told me her ex had found out she was seeing someone (me) and began harassing her, and that he basically forced her to “run me off.” She told me that she wants to be with me, but she is afraid that if she dates anyone her ex will come after her and hurt her.

I suggested that she take some time to let the situation simmer down and once she feels things are resolved, she could always give me a call and see where we stand. She asked me to take her back, if I would have her. Normally, I would run like the wind from a situation like this, but I really like Britt and it will take more than a psycho ex-boyfriend to drive me away. I told her I would continue to date her, but from this point forward we are going to take things slowly. I plan on utilizing “The Systemto my fullest advantage from this point on.

I suggested that she take some time to let the situation simmer down and once she feels things are resolved, she could always give me a call and see where we stand. She asked me to take her back, if I would have her. Normally, I would run like the wind from a situation like this, but I really like Britt and it will take more than a psycho ex-boyfriend to drive me away. I told her I would continue to date her, but from this point forward we are going to take things slowly. I plan on utilizing “The System” to my fullest advantage from this point on.

My questions are these: “The System” says that once you move too fast and hit a wall, there are no second chances. Does this relationship have any chance of getting off the ground? How should I handle the abusive ex? Several years ago, my now ex-wife cheated on me with her abusive ex-boyfriend who she supposedly hated, which is why I ended the marriage. Britt claims she wants nothing to do with her ex who is harassing her. How can I be sure that history will not repeat itself? Under what circumstances should I cut and run?

Cory - who doesn’t want to make the same mistakes again

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DOC'S ANSWER

Hi Cory,

Britt may be an amazingly attractive babe with a great personality, but what are you doing asking her to be your girlfriend after only two days? To say you weren’t being a Challenge, moved too fast, and didn’t know her at all would be huge understatements!

Let me explain something to you: anytime a woman uses the word “confused,” it means you’re confused and you‘re OUT. That said, I want to congratulate you on getting my book and at least recognizing and admitting your mistakes. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “This is a very good sign for the future.”

Now, how did this abusive ex find out about you unless Britt told him all about you? She was the one who brought this guy into your life, pal. So you’re looking in the wrong place – the ex – to place blame and responsibility. This guy didn’t force her to “run you off,” Cory. He didn’t force her to do anything. You went in with this woman way too fast, got in over your head, and when you realized you had a problem, Britt somehow shifted the blame onto the ex.

If Britt is being really truthful about the situation, she has to...

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About the Author

  • Chris says:

    Well spoken as usual Doc!!!

    This guy seems to rationalize everyone’s behavior and doesn’t change his own… He continues to stay with women that have exes hanging around, when that is an absolute deal breaker!!!

    Getting the system was a step in the right direction, but it’s obvious he still has a lot to learn…. No Guts, No Glory!!

  • " says:

    I hadn’t thought of the restraining order idea until I saw your response, but I feel that that is a good idea. I sense, too, that she should both get abuse counseling and — frankly — move out of town, not letting her ex know where she is. What do you think?

    IF these people (the writer and Britt) belong together, then I have another idea: that he ask her to call him in some five months, within a fairly narrow window of time, if
    SHE’s still interested — say, within the period of May 25 through 28, inclusive. I don’t sense that these people DO belong together, though, unfortunately (who wants to turn down a great-looking girl who has a high interest level?). Honestly, by May 25, she may be on to other adventures (or misadventures). In any case, she’ll have, it can be hoped, gotten the restraining order, filed any charges against the ex allowed under the law, and moved out of town.

    As for the ex, it seems to me that the”interest-level” concept should indicate that either she, or he, or both of them, had a low enough interest level that they broke up — and thus that he should also move on to “greener pastures.”

    I’m impressed by the fact that you sensed that these two (the writer and Britt) didn’t belong together.

    Any feedback?

    P.S. If the ex reads this and wants to do me harm, he should know two things: I’m an “equal opportunity self-defender” and I’d be happy to prosecute him to the fullest extent of the law for any terrorist threats and/or violent actions.

    • DocLove says:

      You can boil down this article to the fact that the guy selected wrong and treated her wrong. You need to find a woman with HIGH INTEREST LEVEL, INTEGRITY, and who is fun, flexible, giving and kind – she’s none of those. Thanks for writing.

  • Philliponis says:

    The question is why is he making this chick his girlfriend after only 2 dates? That’s just a car wreck waiting to happen..

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