Hey Doc,

I am your loyal follower. I need your in-depth evaluation of my first real relationship, which has gone sour.

By the way, I didn’t become a follower or a client of yours until after the bad relationship ended.

Doc, I think if I learn my lesson now it will save me a ton of future heartbreak.

At 19 I weighed 310 pounds. I was grossly overweight and this affected my Confidence as well as my love life. I never had a real girlfriend and no girls ever showed interest in me. I made an amazing life change, losing over 110 pounds. I’m now 23 and look better than I’ve ever looked. Confidence is something I’ve always projected but never really had. I was always loud and funny and strong but I was always self-conscious and had low self-esteem.

Anyway, I met Gia over a year ago. We started hanging out while she was hooking up with guys. I did the dirty work -- watching movies with her and just having fun but not being romantic. The night before she left to study abroad I confessed I had feelings for her as more than a friend. Her response was mixed signals. When she was gone, she texted me that we’ll see what happens when she comes back and we should just be friends. I was angry. My ego was hurt. Gia was the first girl to give me attention after I lost all that weight. But when she was gone she constantly told me she missed me!

When Gia came back she always asked to hang out and reconnect. Of course I said yes. We got really close again. We started hanging out and drinking all the time. The day came when I couldn’t control it anymore and I asked her out on a date. We went on several dates and things seemed to be going good, but she was giving me mixed signals all the time. When we were together she was happy and all about me, but when we were apart I could never get hold of her and she was distant all the time.

Finally, after weeks of being in limbo and not knowing how she felt and pressuring her she accepted and became my girlfriend. We entered into a serious relationship. It lasted only one month. I gave too much too soon. I tried to be Mister Nice Guy and it backfired. She would always put her friends over me and I never actually felt like I mattered to her. Finally she admitted that she didn’t have feelings as strong as mine and that she only wanted to give the relationship a try because we had such a strong connection and we got along so well that she thought the feelings would come later. When she called and told me that we should end it, she was cold and showed no remorse. She was perfectly okay with losing me and now here I am, broken. Anyway I bought “The System” right afterwards, read it cover to cover and instantly felt a little better about everything.

Please coach me.

Benjy - who is devastated