Dating Women Advice: Would Jennifer Garner Freak Over A Friday Night Date?

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WHAT'S THE 411 ON THIS ARTICLE?

Is she really too nervous to go out on a Friday with him or...

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READER'S QUESTION

Hey Doc,

I met Brianna two weeks ago. I’m 41 and she’s 33. I’m a professor at our college and she’s a graduate student in another department. We had a coffee date and hit it off very quickly. I paid attention to her signs of interest, some measure of leaning in across the table, big grins, lots of laughter. At the end of the date (which I cut off after an hour) she offered me her phone number. It was Tuesday. On Wednesday, I asked her out for a date on Saturday. I know you’re not supposed to do this.

I picked Brianna up and we went for lunch and then visited an art gallery and a train museum. The date went splendidly -- lots of laughter and a few casual touches (from her, I kept my hands to myself). Afterwards she did not invite me inside (which I did not read too much into) and she said she had a great time and looked forward to our next “adventure.”

The whole time, MY interest level has been in the 90s, like I’ve been hit on the head with a baseball bat, and I’m doing everything I can to keep a lid on it. On Sunday, Brianna sent me a text saying she had a really great time. I sent a text reciprocating, and the next day (Monday), I offered to take her out Friday (a mistake), to a movie (another mistake). There isn’t much happening in this town, and I was worried she would think I had low interest. She responded immediately with a yes.

I kept texting to a minimum. On Wednesday morning we ran into each other on the coffee line and had a 10-minute chat that went very well. She said she looked forward to Friday, and that evening, sent another text (incoming!) saying it was fun to run into me and that she looked forward to our date. Since she showed interest first, I sent a reciprocating text. Another sign that her Interest Level was high is that she has been talking to people about our date.

Four hours before the date, Brianna sent a text saying, “Would you hate me if I asked for a postponement of our date?” I wasn’t expecting it, and it felt like a bomb went off in my chest. I got her on the phone. She said she was feeling overwhelmed (she’s writing her dissertation) and stressed and is worried she would not make good company. I asked her what day she had in mind to postpone to and she shot back “Monday” (after her stressful deadline will have passed). I told her I’d have to check my schedule. I hemmed and hawed (partly because I’m busy that week and partly because I wanted to show Challenge) then told her Monday would work and I would pick her up at such and such a time, etc.

I’m getting the vibe that Brianna is nervous. I think the pressure of a Friday evening date may have gotten to her. At any rate, the question now is whether I should try to change the date to something more low key, like an ice cream parlor?

Also, Doc, I’m confused regarding the TIMING of setting up dates. This scares the heck out of me, because I worry about showing too little interest. How soon AFTER a date do you set up the next one?

Carson - who needs to read your book again

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DOC'S ANSWER

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Hi Carson,

It’s great that Brianna was giving you lots of buying signals. But why in the world did you call the very next day and ask her out? You NEVER do that! You wait five to nine days before asking for the second date. Why are you in such a rush? Are you sure you have my book? Pal, you have to disappear for five days or a week before going for that second date. Your problem is that you’re coming on way too fast. You’re butchering Challenge. If your interest is through the roof, it is imperative that you practice Self-Control.

Then you made all kinds of other mistakes. If you know something is a mistake, why are you doing it? You tell me that you’re a follower of my techniques, that you go by “The System,” then you point out all the rules that you broke. Are you a masochist? Are you trying to self-destruct? Carson, you have no Self-Control whatsoever. Then you go and make yet another mistake. Why? You know “The System,” because you’re pointing out all of the mistakes you’re making -- that’s what’s ironic here!

But your greatest worry is that you’re showing too little interest in Brianna. Dude, don’t worry about showing low interest. To you Psych majors, you don’t want the woman to know your Interest Level. You want her to be confused about your Interest Level. You want her to be wondering whether it’s high or low. You are regarding the concept of Challenge incorrectly, and this is where you’re not following “The System.”

What do you mean you kept texting to a minimum? You shouldn’t be texting all! You got the date, so there’s no need for texting. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “You don’t have to call back every 10 minutes and check in.”

When you saw Brianna on the coffee line, you should have split before she spotted you. Once you set the date up, there should be no contact between the two of you. That includes running into the girl on the coffee line. Why are you sending reciprocating texts? Again, you shouldn’t be texting at all. Texting is to make the date, not shoot the bull.

How do you know that people are talking about your date? How did this thing make it to a third party? Does Brianna have a big mouth? Or do you have the big mouth?

Have you ever noticed that when a girl breaks a date, she puts the onus on you? Suddenly you’re going to hate her and you’re the bad guy. She knows she’s doing wrong by breaking the date, but she’s going to get away with it because your Interest Level is in the 90s.

Whenever a girl says that she might be bad company and therefore doesn’t want to go out with you, it’s a crock. It’s just Womanese for saying that her Interest Level is ZERO and you’re OUT. You blew it by doing a rush job.

Why are you checking your schedule when Brianna counteroffered another day? GRAB IT! You have to get in front of this babe’s face. When you’re having trouble getting in front of her face, that’s not the time to be a Challenge. Say yes instead of stretching the situation out. If you do that, she’ll just come up with another excuse not to see you. When you get in front of Brianna’s face, then you can show Challenge by not talking about your feelings and the future. You’ve got everything ass-backwards, buddy. Then, after going around in circles, you did take the Monday date after all!

If Brianna is nervous, it’s because she’s with somebody she doesn’t like. What pressure are you talking about? The only pressure is that your Interest Level is 90% and you’ve got my book and you don’t know what it says! That’s the real problem here. You’re in too much of a rush, Carson, and you rushed Brianna. You’re supposed to space her out at least a week after every date so she has time to think about you and wonder why it’s taking you so long to call her and ask her out. That’s how you work Challenge. But now you’ve got the date, so keep it. Stop changing things around.

Guy, you want to show TOO LITTLE interest. Again, you want the girl confused about your Interest Level. You don’t want her to know your Interest Level – that’s what Challenge is!

You wait five to nine days to call for the next date. Hopefully the girl calls you before that and asks you out, and you take it. It’s that simple.

Remember, guys: until my material is memorized, you don’t stand a chance.

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Leave a Reply 13 comments

brian - 9 September 2015 Reply

Hey Doc, I understand that you have a system set up, and maybe it even works. But please don’t claim that it is the only way to go; since, there are hundreds of thousands of couples that are happily married for years without even knowing about the existence of the System. If system would always work, why would you even have so may emails and texts from its users? The whole idea of the system is to try to go on as many dates with as many women as possible until you find someone who has high interest in you. That is when the system stars magically working. I came to this conclusion reading all your responses.

    DocLove - 9 September 2015 Reply

    Brian,

    I believe that no one else has taken the approach I have to interview thousands of women asking them why they choose to stay with one man versus another & then come at things from a man’s point of view based on what I’ve learned from women. It is your right to disagree with me but I believe you should buy http://www.doclove.com/system/ before judging one way or the other – nothing to lose either – the hard copy has a 60-day money back guarantee. Thanks for writing.

Ibrahim - 9 September 2015 Reply

Is there in way that he can rise her interest level from 23% to 51% so he can get a second chance?

    DocLove - 16 September 2015 Reply

    Thanks for writing – once the INTEREST LEVEL is below 49% then you’re out for life

Marcus - 9 September 2015 Reply

Doc,
As always, I enjoy reading your articles as I learn plenty from them & they complement The System.
I read online articles & I hear from people that it’s always polite to text message a girl after your date & or the next day to let her know you had a great time. However, you say that it’s better to do it 5 days later to set up the next date. Wouldn’t the girl take that like a sign disrespect & brush you off? I ask because I went on a coffee date a couple of weeks ago with a girl & I texted her 3 days later telling her I had a good time. Unfortunately, I did the cowardly act of asking her out over text too (I know, I shouldn’t have)!
To sum up, she never got back to me, I retexted her twice 2 days later but 8 hours apart, she got back to me at midnight with a “brush off” text saying that she was very busy & she’ll get back to me, I called the next day & I didn’t leave a message, & I scratched this dating venture off. Her attitude towards me had to do with the idea that I ended the coffee date short as she had defensive body language, I was doing most of the talking, & I was BORED! I never thought I would end a date.
You see Doc, I haven’t dated in 10 years, so I was shocked by how much the dating rules have changed regarding text messaging & social media. I also consider myself one of your worst students as I read the System a decade ago & put it away.

Since this dating mishap, I’ve analyzed all my mistakes during the date as to not repeat them. I’m rereading the System, I subscribe to The Doc Love Club, I read your articles, I listen to your radio show, & I’m talking to AS MANY WOMEN AS POSSIBLE as I’m very shy around girls & I want to end this shyness. I am also growing a beard as I have noticed that I get more attention from my women with one than being clean shaven.
My biggest hope is that I find Mrs. Wonderful one day & I can write you a success letter (the letter of the man with his bride that has two pictures always brings tears to my eyes as that man’s past is exactly like mine).

Doc, I hope to learn as much as I can from you as possible. God bless!

Marcus

    DocLove - 16 September 2015 Reply

    Hi Marcus,

    Thanks for writing. http://doclove.com/system/ is your protector because it weeds out women that are STRUCTURED. The girlfriend that expects a text message after a date is the wife that expects 5 text messages a day to prove your love – if you want to get in the texting habit, remember it becomes a 40-year obligation if you marry her!

    We always want to blame something in http://doclove.com/system/ when things go wrong but actually when they go wrong, that’s when they’re right. You see, a girl that doesn’t react well to what’s in http://doclove.com/system/ is a woman that is either not interested or too structured. Only the flexible, giving, kind women that have HIGH INTEREST LEVEL can stand up to the principles in http://doclove.com/system/ so my book is saving you a lifetime of misery with a girl that isn’t right for you.

    Keep on keeping on Marcus and NEVER TAKE WOMEN PERSONALLY and don’t listen to the outside noise – this stuff works.

    Read this – she was VERY FRUSTRATED that he wouldn’t text but she was a good woman and became his wife: http://doclove.com/2015/08/15/dating-women-advice-you-changed-my-life/

SP - 11 September 2015 Reply

Doc- it’s one thing when a woman is ‘confused’ by your interest level because you have a full, busy, interesting life and aren’t needy about getting women. But it’s another if you’re doing it intentionally, which is just manipulation and game playing.

This is why I’ve always disagreed with your 5 to 9 day rule for contacting them. Women can usually tell a guy is playing games if he waits that long. They can always sense your intentions, since they tend to be much more intuitive than men.

Ask her out when you want to, even if it’s the next day, and be confident about it. Be honest, be direct, but don’t be weak. If she says no, then onto the next. But don’t play games.

    DocLove - 16 September 2015 Reply

    SP,

    You can choose or not choose to follow what I teach – I’ve interviewed thousands of women and received thousands of “you changed my life” letters saying that 5-9 days works along with the other principles in my book but if you think you’ve found a better mousetrap then by all means go for it. I will caution you that my experience is that whenever you do “what you want to” then you come off needy and desperate because women build up their INTEREST LEVEL when guys are a CHALLENGE – not when they think “well, here’s another one that I’ve got” (hence the 5-9 day rule). Plus, when you have them wait like this, it weeds out the STRUCTURED women that you don’t want anyway.

    However, no one says you have to follow http://doclove.com/system/ but if you do, you have to be in it all the way – there is no cherry picking of principles – you either believe what I teach or you don’t.

Daniel - 12 September 2015 Reply

Hey, Doc.
Always good and instructional to read your advice column !

What if “the girl calls you before that and asks you out” for a SATURDAY NIGHT encounter after you both had only 1 or 2 dates in ?
Would you take it ?
Would you refuse it and counteroffer a weekday date ?

Much Thanks.

    DocLove - 17 September 2015 Reply

    Hi Daniel,

    Thanks for writing – at the top of http://www.datingwomenradioshow.com tonight at 8:00 p.m. EDT we are going to talk about this. I am modifying http://doclove.com/system/ in that if she asks you out then take it – even if it’s a weekend. Now, when you ask her out, I still want it to be Sunday-Thursday but if it’s INCOMING – then take it. I hope this clears it up.

    Doc

Marcus - 9 January 2016 Reply

Hi Doc,

I am an admirerer of your work and am currently reading The System. There is one particular dilemma, however, which I can’t get my head around. This is when it comes to asking a girl out.

Asking a girl out demonstrates confidence but it kills challenge; but not asking her out shows that you’re shy and unsure of yourself or, worse, not interested. Asking her out basically says “I’m interested”, thus killing all challenge, while not asking her out, on the other hand, says “I like you, but I don’t have the guts” or “I’m not interested”. How does one go about being a challenge yet remaining confident in her eyes?

Nasdaq7 - 8 June 2016 Reply

What Doc Love calls challenge, you might as well call giving her personal space, giving her the time to think about you. It seems that’s what women like to do. Well think about it: you as man also don’t like to be pressured into love.

    DocLove - 8 June 2016 Reply

    Great take – thanks for writing

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