Dating Women Advice: Would A Babe Ever Turn Her Cheek To Bradley Cooper?

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WHAT'S THE 411 ON THIS ARTICLE?

He went for the kiss - got the cheek but that wasn't his only issue with this STRUCTURED girl.

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READER'S QUESTION

Hey Doc,

A little war story. I need your verification and coaching.

I’m 32 and I took a 22-year-old out (Red Flag). I am attracted to Riley’s beauty and youth. After a couple back and forth on the dating website, we had a good Starbucks date and I got her number at the end. I called her a week later and set up a date. She sounded happy to hear from me and gave me her address to pick her up. So far, so good.

On the dinner date, Riley talked about her exes and I gently tried to change the subject on multiple occasions. I kept thinking, “I don’t want to hear about all the dudes this girl has been through.” But she kept bringing it up, so I went along with it and figured I could at least learn why she got rid of them and verify “The System,” which it did.

After she spilled her guts, Riley expected me to do the same. I’m thinking, “I have to get off these negative subjects.” So I gave her a couple of jokes: “You’re my first date,” and “The girls I dated in the past weren’t as good as you...so far,” etc. Anyway, Riley kept after me, so I gave her a little more, but not much. Then she switched to “What do I want in a future relationship?” And I answered “A Flexible Giver.”

At one point, Riley asked how many times a boyfriend and girlfriend should hang out per week. I said two to three. Well, she ended the date right then and there. She said she wouldn’t bother dating a guy unless they hung out five times per week. Needy? Insecure? I couldn’t figure it out.

We got up and left and I knew I was most likely dead in the water due to a combination of not being able to get off the heavy subjects, her attitude, not understanding romantic love, and being in a rush to figure me out.

On the drive back to her place (she lives with her mom), she acted a little more playful so I thought maybe I wasn’t dead, so I went in for the kiss at the doorstep. She pulled her head to the side and I ended up kissing her cheek. Then she hugged me hard and pressed her cheek into my lips a bit, but it still felt like a rejection.

I thanked Riley for the fun time and walked back to my truck. As I was walking she called, “Don’t take yourself so seriously.”

Questions: what did she mean by that last comment? And should I call this girl again in five to nine days? I’ve been on a roll with like 20 different dates in the last couple of months and all have gone well, but this young hottie has me a bit confused.

Tiny - who is ready to move on if you give me the word

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DOC'S ANSWER

Hi Tiny,

Taking a 22-year-old out IS your first Red Flag! You at the age of 32 should be with someone 26 years old or older. Riley simply isn’t grown up yet. All men love youth and beauty -- what men don’t?

But it’s really great that you tried to steer the talk away from negatives and past romances. For some reason, lots of women think that when they go out on a first date they’re supposed to talk about all their exes, as if being open about all the losers they were with will somehow endear them to the new guy, when the last thing in the world he wants to hear about is her former boyfriend.

What Riley gave you was what I call the HARD INTERVIEW. To you Psych majors, young girls, 18 to 20, and women 30 to 34, subject you to it because they are in a rush to have babies.

When Riley asked you how many times a boyfriend and girlfriend should see each other per week, you should just have said “Whatever the girl wants.” In other words, you should have just gone along with her. But you learned that what you have here is a structured, hard-headed, Beautiful, spoiled 22-year-old. And every young guy that she goes out with will be happy to answer all of her tough questions. But you, being a student of “The System,” know that it doesn’t help the relationship.

Riley isn’t needy or insecure. The point of dating is getting to know someone, and then figuring out down the road if you want see the other person five times a week. Riley wants to get all of this done right away. What she’s trying to do is pin you down straight out of the chute. She might as well have mailed you a 10-question form and said “You better answer these questions right!” And then you could have skipped the first date and gone straight to the second if she liked what you marked on the form.

That said, I have to tell you that you really have “The System” down and you read the situation for what it was. Very impressive, Tiny. But again, a 32-year-old doesn’t go out with a 22-year-old. For as good and smart as you are, though, you blew it by going in for the kiss. You don’t kiss on the first date. You kiss on the second date. I can hardly believe you did this because everything else you did was just perfect, pal. You’re a sharp guy!

When Riley gave you her cheek, it was a rejection. Because you didn’t answer her little questionnaire, therefore it was time for you to be in pain. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Isn’t romance lovely?”

When Riley told you not to take yourself so seriously, she was putting you down for something that SHE did! She’s the one who takes herself way too seriously. She’s the one conducting the hard interview. Typical female – when she does something wrong, she ends up reversing it on you! You should have told HER to not take herself so seriously! Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “The shoe should have been on the other foot!” That was a negative and a putdown, Tiny. Riley had to get a shot in on you because you didn’t beg her for five dates a week.

It’s a waste of time to call her again. She’s a spoiled princess. And because she’s young and Beautiful, guys will just fall at her feet. You’re not confused, dude. Your Interest Level is too high – that’s your problem.

Remember, guys: any girl who subjects you to a hard interview is out.

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The Dating Women Radio Show is ON THE AIR EVERY WEDNESDAY at 5:00 p.m. PT/ 8:00 p.m. ET - listen LIVE and call me for advice!!! (PS, we had a technical glitch with the 8/19/15 show and weren't able to air - but that is a rare occurrence!)


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Leave a Reply 16 comments

iamtanmay - 19 August 2015 Reply

Brilliant as always Doc. Thanks for the fine analysis, especially the last part about the girl pinning her issues on the guy. Have experienced this first hand from young girls.

Quick remark Doc. I am 27, and I don’t like to invest time in a long shot, like you taught me Doc, but if girls who are young, 20-23, just happen to be there, I figure “Why not ?”.

Is it a problem, if I don’t waste more than 5 minutes getting the number and only cheap 20-30 minute coffee dates ?

Nothing ventured, nothing gained ?

    DocLove - 20 August 2015 Reply

    I always tell guys to keep practicing – the only way to find Ms. Right is to be “in the mix” so-to-speak but just realize the odds are against you. You’d be better off with 23 or older – and even better would be in the 24-25 range but again, if you know up front your odds are long and you don’t spend a ton of time or money then it’s no issue.

    Thanks for writing.

Barry - 19 August 2015 Reply

Hey Doc, in your book I recall the part about not kissing on the first date, unless you’re certain of her low interest level, in that case, go for the kiss on the 1st date to force her hand and give her an opportunity to prove you wrong. Is that what tiny was trying to do there?

    DocLove - 20 August 2015 Reply

    It could be – but it was all doomed from the start with the age difference plus her structured attitude during the date. Thanks for writing me!

Denny - 19 August 2015 Reply

Hi Doc,

So, the coffee date does NOT count as the first date? I’ve been kissing on the first date AFTER that – no cheeks yet – but I flushed the number of one woman who rushed a hug and quickly went inside. It’s good to have that clarified.

Thanks, Denny

    DocLove - 20 August 2015 Reply

    It goes:

    1. Coffee Date (see if you get touched and if she’s open to being with you)

    2. First big date – again you look for signs that she likes you leading up to….

    3. Second big date – this is where you apply the “kiss test”

    If she really likes you after the coffee date and first big date it will drive her crazy that you aren’t like 90% of the other guys trying to kiss her

    I hope this helps – thanks for writing

SP - 20 August 2015 Reply

I have to wonder if this girl still would’ve given him the ‘hard interview’ if she’d been more attracted to him to begin with. Women tend to test guys less when their interest level is really high from the get go.

    DocLove - 20 August 2015 Reply

    SP,

    How true – thanks for weighing in!

      SP - 20 August 2015 Reply

      “Tests” like this are really a way for a woman to say to herself “I’m not really sold on this guy as he is, so if he does a good enough job answering my questions I might give him a chance.” But there’s no point dating someone who’s lukewarm about you.

      If I were the guy who wrote in, I would’ve said to her halfway thru her ‘interview’ something like “you know, you seem like a nice person, I just don’t think we have much in common. It was nice meeting you” and got up and left. (I’d give her some cab fare money since he drove her there.)

      There’s just no point dragging out a date with someone who’s not that attracted to you. I just don’t think this guy saw that was actually happening.

        DocLove - 21 August 2015 Reply

        SP,

        It’s good to end the date – you’re right on – but not good to come out and tell her “we don’t have much in common” because why give her any insight into what you’re thinking? Just find a place to naturally end the date by saying you have a busy day at work coming up and then drive her home. By coming out and making a statement that it’s not working out and then giving her cab fare home it’s like you’re telegraphing your upset with her hard interview.

        Remember – never let them see you sweat – you know that you’re done with her but no sense in letting her know that – you’ll just disappear after dropping her off!

          SP - 21 August 2015 Reply

          I see your point. I might draw the line a little differently at under what circumstances it’s ok to be honest/upfront, and I wouldn’t necessarily say that it’s “being upset” if you tell her you don’t have much in common. But I get why you see it that way.

          DocLove - 22 August 2015 Reply

          SP,

          I see where you’re coming from but remember that THE SYSTEM is an efficiency program and it’s not very efficient to invite a big discussion with her. She might just accept what you’re saying and then agree with you – but then again she might start to argue with you or question you. Why go there? What’s the point? You’ve already made up in your mind that you will never see her again so telling her what you’re thinking at all is a waste of time.

Nasdaq7 - 25 May 2016 Reply

Doc Love is excellent, what a genius the world will lose once he leaves the earth. I must admit the subjects he handles so easily as a pro have me dumbfounded at times. He should add everything on a website so that future generations don’t lose the lessons.

Karl - 24 August 2016 Reply

Doc love;

You’re the BOSS man…to hell with the rest.

    DocLove - 24 August 2016 Reply

    Karl,

    Thank you for the support

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