Dating Women Advice: Would Diddy Care If She Went Back To Her Ex?

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He became predictable - and that was BORING to her - so he was OUT.  Find out how NOT to make that MISTAKE!

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READER'S QUESTION

Hey Doc,

I love “The System,” which I bought when I was in high school. I have taken a lot of the lessons from it and applied it to my life ever since. I think I do okay with women and I’ve had my fair share of girlfriends. It took me a while before I finally started dumping them instead of getting dumped, but I feel I’m getting better at it all the time -- until recently.

Courtney was awesome. She was hard-working, not the prettiest girl I have ever been with, but still cute. There was just something about her I really liked. But I did not hang out with her excessively. We both had our own lives. We both go to the same college, but live three hours apart. We are both on break now and we have seen each other only once since then. We were never officially boyfriend and girlfriend, but everyone kind of assumed we were. I feel I presented Challenge by going out with friends, and it was obvious to Courtney that other girls liked me. I even had a few girls try incredibly hard to steal me away when I was with Courtney.

But what I don’t understand is that ever since we haven’t been able to see each other with our busy schedules our mutual feelings have faded. She told me two weeks ago that she had started talking to her ex again and felt guilty about it and had to tell me. I told her that if that was the case, I did not want to date anymore. This resulted in a few arguments over the situation. I didn’t message her for the following week, then she said she had to talk to me. It turns out that she is now dating her ex again. She said she feels bad about it and wants us to be friends. I told her that I no longer wanted to talk to her. She has continued to apologize to me over what happened, but I haven’t responded.

Doc, my question is this: is this relationship ultimately finished? I am not going to pursue it, but did I do the right thing if I want to be an alpha male who will be a Challenge? I am going on dates with two different girls next week, but for some reason I can’t stand the fact that Courtney did this to me. I just don’t know where I went wrong. She was the one I liked best out of all the girls I’ve been with. I just want some constructive criticism to not only grow but to become that much better in my future relationships. For some reason this blow from Courtney is bothering me even though I was never officially with her.

Arnold - who hopes he took the right stand

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DOC'S ANSWER

Hi Arnold,

When a guy studies “The System,” he begins to realize that usually one of two things happens in a relationship: one, someone gets dumped, and worse, they both get married. But what you have to remember is that Interest Levels never move at the same time and pace for both people involved in the relationship. It simply doesn’t happen. Usually one person’s interest is in the 80s, and the other’s is 49%. The one who is at 49% will feel nothing at the breakup, while the one at 85% is going to feel all the pain.

You say that you didn’t hang out with Courtney excessively. Dude, you’re not supposed to “hang out” at all. You’re supposed to date a woman. But when you say you live three hours apart, you mean there’s at least 150 miles between the two of you. This is a long distance relationship, pal. Right here your odds of success are poor.

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Courtney was supposed to ask you to be her boyfriend between six and 12 dates. So if you weren’t “official” with her, you were nothing, really. That’s in the book. Are you sure you read it?

Busy schedules are no excuse for what’s happened here. You and Courtney go to the same college. There has to be some way for you to get together. Why did you and she not work on doing that?

So Courtney tells you that she’s talking to her ex. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “This is where you’re supposed to forgive her of her sins.” Here’s a girl who you like, and she’s telling you about her ex and hurting you and she thinks she’s being honest. Let me explain something to you. Women aren’t here to be honest with men. They are here to make men feel good, and vice-versa. The only reason Courtney has gone back to her ex is because her interest in you is in the 40s and headed further south. That’s in my book, and if you’ve had it since high school, you didn’t actually read it. You certainly didn’t memorize it, Arnold! This is first grade stuff, pal.

Do you know why Courtney is dating her ex? She’s falling back on her last guy because she doesn’t want to go it alone. This is what some women do – they go back to their exes in order to convalesce. As soon as she recovers from you in three to six months, she’ll drop her ex and go on to boyfriend number three. This is a pattern that women with low Self-Esteem always exhibit.

When Courtney said she wanted to be friends, you should have said “A great idea! We’ll always be friends!” And you should have added, “Hey, I think your ex is probably a great guy, otherwise you wouldn’t have gone back to him. And I hope the two of you are very, very happy!” Then you should have gone and flushed her number straight down the toilet.

Yes, my friend, this relationship is ultimately done. But you caused it. You had my book, you had time in with Courtney, but you couldn’t hold her. You could get her, but you couldn’t keep her. That’s what happens to guys who have my book and don’t memorize it.

You weren’t a Challenge, dude. If you were, Courtney’s Interest Level would have stayed up in the stars. No guy likes getting rejected, Arnold. Remember, rejection is man’s most feared emotion. Nobody likes getting dumped. But the real point here is this: you had time in with Courtney, as I said, and you couldn’t keep her. That’s what you’re not getting.

What you did with this babe was that you saw her too much, you were too predictable and worst of all, you became boring. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “You can give a woman anything, but you can’t give her boredom.”

The reason you’re hurting is that you had time in with Courtney. That’s what counts. Forget the “official” stuff.

Remember, guys: if a woman leaves you, it’s because you deserve it.

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Leave a Reply 2 comments

Zarko - 23 July 2015 Reply

Hey Doc,

The girl displays a behavior of low self-esteem. Even if the guy did wrong, isn’t it good that it is all over? It is quite difficult to keep such a girl interested without going nuts yourself.

Whenever you do wrong, she feels insecure, or things don’t happen HER way, she will go back to her ex.

Girls need a system, too.
Not all of them are worth it just because they looked like angels.

Thanks Doc,
Zarko

    DocLove - 23 July 2015 Reply

    Hey Zarko – I didn’t really get out of this that she has low self-esteem – I hear what you’re saying but there really isn’t enough information in his question to know for sure whether or not she has low or healthy self-esteem. What I will tell you is that a good woman that wants to be with you is not going to wait forever – if you don’t do your part and step up to the relationship then she will find someone else. I actually think the ex in this situation is the guy that’s really making the error – one chance per woman, per lifetime.

    You are right about one thing – women could benefit by reading THE SYSTEM and then reverse engineering it so they become the type of person that is attractive to good guys in a long-term relationship.

    I appreciate your support and thanks for your comments!

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