3 Things Women Want In A Man

Overcome The Fear Of Rejection


After interviewing thousands of women I can boil things down for you in 3 succinct areas that are really important for you to grasp. Truly, what I've learned from women, combined with my willingness to take it from the man's point of view has led me to what I do today in changing the lives of thousands of men (and women) around the globe.

By the way, my teachings are based on having long-term relationships with women - if you're deal is to be a pick up artist and bed as many women as possible - I'm not judging you - but also be aware my materials aren't for you - what I teach is for good men that want a lasting relationship with one good woman.

3 things women want in a man

Be A Gentleman

A gentleman is a unique type of dude - he's strong enough to have his own opinion and isn't afraid to say no when he really doesn't want to do something but on the other hand he's not a caveman that will never see his partner's point of view. He doesn't have a problem with compromise and he certainly doesn't see his lady as someone that he owns or controls.

He's a real man's man but also a gentle cat that gets along with everyone that he encounters (as long as they don't mess with him!) I teach in my dating relationship education course named THE SYSTEM that you don't want to be a WIMPUS AMERICANUS (too happy to be there) nor do you want to be a MACHO BOY (thinking that she's lucky to breathe the same air as you).

By the way, the MACHO BOY and BAD BOY are one in the same - and women like them better than WIMPUS because they don't fall at her feet - it is better to be a MACHO BOY than the WIMP but good women get tired of the act after awhile because these guys are so negative.

When you're a gentleman you are a positive force - you're no one's fool but you're also a guy that can be flexible and giving (just as you want her to be).

3 things women want in a man

Be Humorous

Make her laugh man - and if you're not funny then GET BETTER AT IT. You've got no excuses not to get funnier.

Now I know that were not all destined to do a funny rap alongside Jimmy Fallon but that doesn't mean you can't take your game to the next level and get more humorous than you already are. There are books, classes, audio, YouTube video, local community theater, improve troupes, etc. that can get you funnier! You could even listen to XM Radio's comedy channels and expose yourself to stand up all the time so that some of that stuff starts seeping in.

Being humorous doesn't mean you tell jokes all the time - the best comedians in the world don't tell jokes. They take an every day situation and put a twist on it and make it funnier. It's a way of looking at the world in a bit of an off-center way that makes you laugh.

For example, I've been watching a lot of Seinfeld lately since he just cut the deal with Hulu to stream all his shows and he had that one famous routine where he talks about the commercial where the laundry product claims to get blood out of your shirt and he postulates that perhaps laundry isn't your biggest problem if you need to get blood out of your shirt. It's not a joke per se but a funny way of looking at a commercial that we've all seen a bunch of times. Make an effort to be better at making her laugh - she LOVES to laugh.


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3 things women want in a man

Be On The Path To Improvement

Only the MERCENARY/GOLD DIGGER cares that you've fully arrived before she bleeds you dry - the good women of the world just want to know that you're actively trying to improve yourself just as they are.

There isn't one person in the world that can't use improvement - I keep going back to Jerry Rice - who was the greatest WR of all time in the NFL and in his Hall of Fame speech he talked about how he continually tried to improve. How do you improve on what he did? The answer is you keep trying if you're Jerry Rice because you're never satisfied with whatever "success" you've had because you know you can do better. I advise guys to be lifelong learners and explorers that are curious and not base their decisions on what they do on whether or not they're going to get this girl or that girl.

Yes, I know if you're reading this you want someone but she's not going to appear because you did things with attracting her as your primary goal - she'll appear because you're the type of guy that she's looking for. What type is that you may ask?

You're the type that is taking what you have and improving it every single day regardless of what others may think - including her. If the end game is to "get a girl" then you're mindset is wrong. You should always be a better version of yourself that works to make that happen every single day - and the only criteria you should judge yourself on is "am I surpassing the me that existed yesterday?" If you enhance the 3 areas above then you'll be the type of guy that women want - and no better time than the present to start!

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Leave a Reply 26 comments

onuh emmanuel - 11 July 2015 Reply

I want to believe I’ve done all these things but yet she still doesn’t respect me mayb because she knows I love her and I knows she loves me too but I don’t get it why she still doesn’t take a stand with her family dat its me she wants to marry…..

    DocLove - 12 July 2015 Reply

    I’m sorry – you haven’t given me enough information to know what the issue is – but this might be too complex of a situation to answer in a few lines – I would say that in your case you need some one on one interaction with me. You can call the radio show at http://www.datingwomenradioshow.com for free on Wednesdays or if you prefer to be more private, order phone coaching from the bottom of http://www.doclove.com

Zarko - 12 July 2015 Reply

“she’s not going to appear because you did things with attracting her as your primary goal – she’ll appear because you’re the type of guy that she’s looking for.”

That’s the best “dating” advice ever. I say “dating” because I personally do not believe in “searching for a woman” anymore.
The whole approach of “hunting” for me is wrong.

Be a good man and be good in being a man, the rest will follow.

Thanks Doc,

    DocLove - 13 July 2015 Reply

    I agree Zarko – good comments as usual. If you’re primary goal is to find a woman then you’re barking up the wrong tree. You have to live your life and be the best man you can be and that’s what will be attractive to her. However, if you’re doing everything thinking “I’m going to get a girlfriend or wife” then that’s the wrong approach. Yes, prepare yourself to have someone special but make being the best you can be as your goal because that is worthy enough. Thanks for weighing in!

SP - 14 July 2015 Reply

People place nowhere NEAR enough importance on your third point regarding self improvement. Why isn’t this a more prominent feature of “dating advice”? Many of the guys out there who seek online advice don’t understand the importance of taking a big picture, holistic approach. If you live a life full of fear, and you’ve never developed yourself as a person overall, then good luck keeping a woman in your life. How much do you want to bet I just described your average male reader, Doc? Women are actually a SMALL part of their problem. Their real problem is they have no life and have done nothing with themselves…they’ve wasted thier lives living in fear and making excuses for being lazy. And that’s attractive to nobody.

    DocLove - 15 July 2015 Reply

    SP – great comments – it’s like in your career – everyone thinks they should start out high up in the organization before they’ve EARNED IT. Some of the most successful people in the world started out at the bottom & worked their way up but by the time they’ve attained their position they got it because they had the drive, curious nature and work ethic to propel them.

    I like to think the guys reading this blog are smarter than the average bear but you’re point of the average guy is true – 90% of guys don’t get it and what they especially don’t get is that having a good relationship with a great woman is not the goal but usually a byproduct of living successfully and to be clear, you don’t have to be a captain of industry to be successful – you just, as you say, have to stop being lazy and wasting your life – that’s at least a good start. Guys should pick up “The Slight Edge” by Jeff Olson and “The Compound Effect” by Darren Hardy – those 2 books in addition to my SYSTEM (http://www.doclove.com/system/) will coach them to be the type of guy that has a better chance of meeting and keeping that outstanding woman.

    I appreciate you writing!

      SP - 15 July 2015 Reply

      I’ll check those books out- thanks. I wanted to quickly give an example of what you and I are talking about…a good friend of mine is married to the kind of woman you always write about–fleixible giver and also very attractive. But my friend isn’t at all traditionally attractive. He’s short and not a very good looking guy…and he can be kind of annoying. But he has: 1) a strong identity; 2) a TON of life experience; 3) ambition; 4) a very quick wit and is hilarious; 5) he always knows what he’s doing–he is never clueless or “lost”; and 6) he’s never needy…in fact his attitude is “if she wants to leave me someday, that’s her problem.” But she totally loves him.

      It’s not easy to become the kind of guy my friend is. It took him many years of being unafraid to try all kinds of life experiences. Which is kind of the point…a lot of younger guys in particular or very inexperienced guys desperately seek dating advice hoping they’ll quickly be able to turn their problems around. But they have no concept of reality, and they aren’t able to SEE the hole they’ve been digging for themselves for years and years. Sure you can make quick improvements in your DATING life…but to succeed in a relationship, NOTHING is quick, since it depends on the REST of your life and who you’ve become as a person overall. Young kids in their early 20s who come to dating advice websites aren’t mature or experienced enough to grasp concepts like that, because it overhwhelms them.

        DocLove - 16 July 2015 Reply

        You better be good at LIFE and not just DATING if you want the right girl. I appreciate the story about your friend – seems like a heckuva guy (and you do too). Thank you for writing!

          SP - 17 July 2015 Reply

          Thanks Doc. I have one quick thing to add regarding “disappearing” on a woman to raise her interest. It needs to be because the guy is legitimately busy and has a full life…otherwise it’s just a cover for having no life, and that will come back to haunt him later after he’s been dating her. It’s also game playing and manipulation. There has to be legitimacy in your actions, which follows from what you said about needing to be ‘good at life’ to attract the right women.

          DocLove - 17 July 2015 Reply

          Very true – but to the guys reading this – if you’re currently working on improving don’t let it stop you from getting a relationship – were all a work in progress so the fact that you’re actively trying to improve is good – you may not have your life filled up to the point that it’s going to be but keep day by day improvement in mind always. Great comments SP! Thanks again.

          kim - 15 December 2015 Reply

          It seems like your implying that to improve yourself you have to become a CEO or a brain surgeon or a owner of a million dollar company,what a crock. You yourself determine where improvement is needed,not the media or some girl down the street with unrealistic expectations

          DocLove - 15 December 2015 Reply

          Hi Kim,

          I’m not sure where you got that you have to be a brain surgeon or CEO to get a girl out of this article because nowhere did I say either of those things. How is advising a guy to be a lifelong learner on the path to improvement somehow telling him he has to be a brain surgeon? LOL – you have a great imagination. Just so we are clear I just want a guy to strive for being the BEST he can be – no matter what he does. That’s what women find attractive – not that they’re a CEO – only the MERCENARY cares if you’re a CEO or Brain Surgeon and SYSTEM Guys don’t want that.

          Thanks for writing.

Scott Schweiger - 16 July 2015 Reply

Hi Doc
This has to be one of your best articles+ this attitude is what caused me to buy the System over all the other competition,who do nothing but instruct men on “picking up” women.
I went through a painful divorce(20 yrs married)+ of course,thought her interest level had just dropped in the last 6 months!
At 54 yrs young,I had not dated in more than 20 yrs+ had no real idea what to do.What I did do was start doing push-ups + sit ups every morning.I was a competitive swimmer in high school+ college.I got back in the pool,packed my lunch+ swam a mile every day.I was in training.I wasn’t quite sure for what but knew I had to get ready.
I lost 40 lbs,quit drinking+ got in the best shape of my life while I read the System over + over,same with CD’s.
My confidence grew and this even carried over to my work as an attorney!After many bad dates,call back to verify dates,broken dates,I began to notice a change.I was happy with myself+ women could sense it.I was ready.
A year later I finally found the optimal female.A self reliant,flexible giving woman with a fantastic attitude.I never knew a woman could be this much fun!
After using the principles of the system,this woman had 100% interest level in me,but more importantly,now I know how to keep it that way!After about 2 yrs we got married+ for 2+1/2 yrs later,I’ve never been happier!
But I continue to be a member,read the book,listen to the show.I don’t quit,there is always something I pick up that I can do better!
This has literally transformed me!
Thanks Doc + Jeff
Your loyal Spartan Scott

    DocLove - 16 July 2015 Reply

    Scott that’s a great story and you’re an example of what THE SYSTEM is about. It’s not a set of rules on how to pick up women as you say because SYSTEM guys respect good women too much to play that game with them. We want to give a good woman respect, affection and romance but if you’re a guy that never improves, how can you give her anything?

    The idea is to make you the best you possible & be the partner that she will appreciate (and vice versa). I can’t tell you how pleased I was to read your comments and every guy considering THE SYSTEM should understand what you wrote above because your goals didn’t encompass an end game of meeting and keeping Ms. Right but an end game of being the best Scott you could be and the result of all that was that you CHANGED YOUR LIFE – you physically felt better after the weight loss and commitment to the gym, you did better at work and ultimately you were more happy.

    After all that you met your wife – but if meeting her and keeping her had been your main goal then you wouldn’t have gotten there – as counter-intuitive as that may sound (but I think you know what I mean).

    The bottom line is that if you were still searching for her, everything you did WOULD STILL HAVE BEEN WORTH IT because you got on a path where future Scott was always going to be better than the past Scott and there’s nothing better than that.

    Thanks again for writing!

nick - 29 July 2015 Reply

I agree with being a gentleman. That is 100% correct
Humor on the other hand is overrated. Its like when women say i want a nice guy but in reality she dosen’t. Same principle here. They all say humor. But they don’ t respond well and a lot of them are uptight. I’m not talking about putdowns here. They don’t like clowns nor comedians. They like a great conversation with very few teases and very little humor along with mistery and challenge as you state in your book. Humor should be handled like compliments. No more than 2 per date same with humor. Whenever you think of something funny to throw in you do if not continue with the light conversation your having. First off making every woman you meet to crack up is impossible unless your a comedian. Keep it simple. At the end of the day we want to marry a good simple woman.

    DocLove - 31 July 2015 Reply


    I will disagree with you on the humor part – thousands of women have told me they want a guy to make her laugh. Besides, laughter is a pleasurable experience for us humans – the more you make her laugh, the more pleasure she receives from being with you and the more her INTEREST LEVEL rises. I wouldn’t attempt to be a stand up comedian with her but if she’s laughing at my jokes and having fun, I’m never going to limit that.

nick - 31 July 2015 Reply

But Doc how can you make her laugh with 30% of us talking and 70% them.
The idea here is to make her do most of the talking. To make her crack up you need to tell her funny stories. Not easy to do at all and its a risk . Funny comments or teases are good but she will laugh only a bit and i’m good at that. I’m a funny guy to begin with but its rare i make a woman really really laugh. Its a hit or miss. Often enough you just can’t come up with anything to make her laugh. What i do is i test my funny comments on other girls when the ones i liked found me stupid to see if there uptight. That way i don’t feel guilty of screwing things up if they laughed lol.
Anyway I want to say thank you for taking the time to write back to us guys its greatly appreciated. I myself have the system almost got it down and follow the radio show that i listen in my car. Unfortunetly at 38 years old i haven’t found the girl that i want yet. I ve had past girlfiends(before system none).
I’m never shy to ask someone out in a direct way or to ask for the number when i dig a girl a lot. But i get whoppers or when i call Nick who ? Which i say sorry i thought you were Mary.

    DocLove - 1 August 2015 Reply

    As a newer guy with THE SYSTEM you have to learn to transform the “letter of the law” – IE, the rules of THE SYSTEM into the “spirit of the law.”

    You see, I wrote THE SYSTEM with a whole set of rules to follow because of all the BRAINWASHING out there – all the bad information hurting guys causes – and what I wrote is SO DIFFERENT than what you’re taught to do that I had to put rules in so that guys had something to follow.

    However – don’t get caught up in them to the point where you’re trying to follow everything to the extreme degree. Overall what I want guys to understand is this:

    “Make her laugh, don’t be in her face for a one night stand or a relationship, keep things light, and don’t be a needy or macho guy that makes good women cringe.”

    Listen man, it’s enough to just have fun and have no pressure on her – at the end of the day it’s the woman’s INTEREST LEVEL that counts (as long as she’s a good girl) so if she’s having a good time and getting more and more interested as you’re laying back then that’s what you want.

    It sounds to me that you’re doing a lot of things right – and good for you – you’re 38 years YOUNG by the way and you have plenty of time to find that right one – I will for sure keep you away from the wrong one if you follow what I say.

    Remember man – just relax and let things happen – don’t get so caught up in the “rules” where you feel as if every moment has to be orchestrated. What you’re looking for is two main things

    1. She has fun with you
    2. She wants to see you again and wonders if you’ll call her or not

    Thanks for writing!

Ray - 31 July 2015 Reply

This article is great. Thank you Doc Love. I especially enjoyed the advice on constant self-improvement.
I am a new student to The System and I read a page or more everyday from the book.
How else can I self-improve? I am a shy person when meeting new people especially women.
I exercise 3 to 4 times a week, sign up for dance courses one to 2 times a year, take courses for career advancement (I have a Computer Engineering degree), and I like to make my buddies (including long-time female friends) laugh, but I feel I lack social skills as I am a shy person. How can I improve on this issue? Improve myself.
Thanks Doc.

    DocLove - 1 August 2015 Reply

    First of all, thank you for your kind words and keep reading THE SYSTEM and join the Doc Love Club which is a weekly hour+ class on the finer points of THE SYSTEM – but it sounds like you’re on the right track.

    Here are some things I’d recommend

    1. Overcome your fear of rejection: http://doclove.com/2015/04/06/how-to-overcome-the-fear-of-rejection-in-dating-3-strategies/

    2. Find places to meet women: http://doclove.com/2015/01/30/where-can-i-meet-women-3-ideas/

    3. 3 tips on approaching women: http://doclove.com/2015/01/01/3-great-tips-on-how-to-approach-women/

    4. Do something public-speaking related – Toastmasters, improv class, acting class, audition for a local play, do a talk at Rotary – GET OUT THERE ON A REGULAR BASIS and get better in front of people.

    5. Read and study these books: The Slight Edge (Jeff Olson), The Compound Effect (Darren Hardy), anything by Jim Rohn, The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene, anything by Dale Carnegie and then you’ll start finding other similar types to read and study once you immerse yourself in that world.

    6. Remember to NEVER TAKE WOMEN personally and just keep working at it. SO WHAT IF YOU STAMMER YOUR WAY THROUGH your approach with girl #1 you try it on? As long as you keep working to improve, you’ll be better by girl #14 – but unless you are willing to start you’ll never get better.

    Remember that being shy is a form of ego believe it or not – because you don’t want to put yourself out there for fear that someone will reject you but you have to get past all that because in the romance novels she doesn’t fall in love with the guy that looks at the floor as he hands her his business card but with the guy that comes charging in on the great steed.

    You have to be willing to be bad at first so you can get better – and you will get better as long as you keep trying – just like at the gym – do you expect to do one pushup every week and build a good physique? Do you start out benching 300? No, you keep at it until you’re better – but you have to take your ego out of it – your ego is your greatest enemy!

    Thanks again for writing – keep it up man – you’re doing great!

      Ray - 2 August 2015 Reply

      Thank you Doc. This is great stuff. I hope to write a “You changed my life letter” someday soon.

Agueda - 12 November 2015 Reply

Way cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you writing this post and
also the rest of the site is very good.

    DocLove - 14 November 2015 Reply

    Thanks – I appreciate you writing me!

Dustin - 15 November 2015 Reply

Doc love i need your help
Me and my girlfriend are together since around 18 months , she loves me and i love her, her interrest level is above 95, but the last months we had allot of fights because of her friends!! They go always Party, they drink allot,for them going twice a week with 2 different men to have sex is normal!! They are simply sluts .. I dont like them because they have even negative effect in our relationship ….me and my girlfriend are different cultural and religion ..im Muslim she is Christ , im from Egypt she is frim germany …her family are really conservitive she is not..portant die them that THE childeren be Christians ..after months from a diskution i told her no Problem !! You can grow them up AS you want …but all tgese proplems and fights has effected our interesting level ..hers is droped from 95 to 70 mine droped to 70 too …is there is way to GER her interrest back above 90? She was really down because all these fights and THE different between US!

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