If you want to be successful with women and dating there are 3 NOT’s that I teach you via my website, book and dating women radio show. The funny (not funny, ha ha either!) thing is that most men that I give advice to don’t even realize they’re doing these deal breakers until they encounter me.
You’ll be way ahead of the game if you move the 3 things below into the NEVER DO THIS column when going out with women.
#1: Don’t Over-Compliment
Guys think compliments are to love as to what oil is to your car engine – just keep a steady supply in there and everything will run smooth. Unfortunately, in keeping with our car analogy theme, too many compliments is like pouring sugar in the gas tank – they cause everything to break down.
“Women love to be complimented” is what you probably think and it’s common – but they love to be complimented by someone they have a relationship with.
Think about this – what is it that you can possibly compliment her on that will allow you to either not come off as a phony or completely bore her?
Let’s tackle the “bore her” part first – you bore her when you compliment her looks – if she’s pretty then she’s been told since her teenage years the same thing over and over and over and over again – she gets that she’s pretty – because she’s been told hundreds – if not thousands of times. A variation of “you’re so pretty” said in different ways over and over again on the first date will spell a one way ticket to Rejection Junction for you.
So, you think that you can compliment her on something other than her looks – like maybe her brains or her kindness. Great plan – except YOU DON’T KNOW HER – SHE’S A STRANGER. How can you tell her how smart she is when you’ve talked to her for an hour? You’ll come off as a fake because you don’t have enough time in with her yet.
What you need to do is aim for CONVERSATION and not compliments – just tell her she looks nice when you pick her up and that you had a fun time when dropping her off. Stand out from the bores and the phonies in her mind – and have a chance at future dates.
Do you want to make it a full time job in answering her various messages? She can text you, tweet at you, share a funny cat video on your Facebook wall, give you a quick video or photo on Snapchat and oh yeah, call you.
My friend, there are only 2 things you can count on after being harnessed to her electronic leash – #1, you’re that much closer to carpal tunnel surgery and #2, she’s rapidly becoming bored with you over your lack of CHALLENGE.
Challenge is a concept I teach via my dating relationship education course called THE SYSTEM and I won’t go into that too heavily here except to say that when most every guy likes a girl he wants to be as available as possible to her because she seems to want his attention. It’s harmless to talk to her daily, right? She seems really into you so why not give her what she wants – more of you?
The problem is that women get more interested when they have to chase you – why do you think the “bad boy” is the one that she ends up with more often than not? Because he’s a Challenge – a negative one to be sure – but a Challenge nonetheless. As counter-intuitive as it sounds, you have to disappear between dates – the only way she can become more interested in you is by her thinking of your last date when you had so much fun and how much she wants to see you again. If you’re available via a wide variety of electronic devices then you short circuit her building up more feelings for you.
Let’s put it another way – I call this my Thanksgiving analogy. Thanksgiving dinner for many people is highly anticipated – all the food, the fun, the people you haven’t seen for awhile are all things that make it a great day – but of course, mainly it’s the food.
When you smell that dinner cooking with all the fixings and desserts you can’t wait – it’s been so long since you had a feast like that and it’s going to be a lot of fun.
What happens after you’ve gotten way more than your fill? Are you anticipating that meal anymore? Unless it’s throwing a few tums down, you’re probably not thinking of consuming anything else! You’re done – you’ve had it. You have the leftovers the next few days and those are always fun – but mainly you come out of Thanksgiving thinking that it’s nice that it’s not a regular occurrence.
Same thing with the potential Ms. Right – not that you’d only see her once a year – but communicating with her between dates is like trying to have Thanksgiving dinner every single day of the year. You have to pace yourself because without that anticipation of the next time you’re together – just like you anticipate Thanksgiving (since you don’t do it every day) – is where you want to be.
I know you like her – and it’s hard to get her out of your mind – but keep in mind that she holds something I call a REJECTION CARD and at any point she can pull it out. You have to think of how you act in a store where they really want to sell you something and you have many stores to choose from that sell a similar product. In this instance you’re essentially the woman because the sales folks in the store are approaching you like you would approach ladies – in either instance a “no” can be dropped on the pursuer – the dreaded REJECTION CARD.
When you come into a store, do you like the salesperson to be up in your grill the minute you walk in giving you a high pressure pitch, especially if you’ve let them know “you’re just looking.” Flip that around into your dating life and you’ll begin to see the point I’m trying to get across.
The product you’re selling is YOU – and like a salesperson at a store, you have to catch the attention of the people that are browsing – in this case women that are browsing for guys. Getting her out on a date with you is the equivalent of you letting the salesperson show you the features and benefits of the product – you’re not sure if you’re going to buy but you’ll at least listen to what the product can offer.
That’s all you can do guy – you can present your product – you – and there is no way any amount of badgering or high pressure will sell you to her.
Your job on a date is to treat her with respect, make sure she has fun and wants to go out with you again – without the pressure that doesn’t work on you in stores nor her when she’s out with you.
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