I want to tell you that in all my articles, my dating and relationship education course and my radio show, my mantra is for you to be cool so keep in mind when you read the advice below that all of this is INTERNAL. If your ex wants to be friends then you smile and tell her it’s fine and show her NOTHING as far as your emotions go – because making a point to tell her that you don’t want to be friends is proving that you’re pouting and you don’t want that.
However, here are 3 reasons why it’s a bad idea and you won’t follow through on your friendship – in fact, you’ll pull a disappearing act on her. She won’t realize it but the last time she’ll physically see or talk to you is after you tell her it’s okay to be good buds (just tactfully avoid her calls/emails/texts and always be busy until she gets the message).
#1: Once It’s Over, It’s Over
Either she lowered your feelings for her (Interest Level) or you did it to her (90% of the time it’s the guy changing from the person she started dating and she gets turned off) and there’s no going back from that. Someone dropped someone here – which means SOMEONE IS INTERESTED IN BEING MORE THAN FRIENDS no matter how they pretend that being pals is a-okay.
I don’t know about you but I don’t need underlying tensions in my friendships and that’s exactly what you’ll get – you’ll either have to fend her off if you dropped her or you can be frustrated that she won’t be your girlfriend if she dropped you and is now your buddy.
Either way, it doesn’t sound like a fun way to spend a weekend night (or any night) to me!
So, we discussed the tension above – what do you really get out of this? Do you think you two are getting back together (never happen – at least in the way you want it to)? Do you think it’s going to be fun and that you can just show up and pretend that neither one of you spent time in a relationship? How about those old arguments – think they might surface from time to time?
Here’s the deal – SOMETHING NEGATIVE happened to break you two up. It might have been a spectacular blow up or an erosion of feelings over time – but the bottom line is a conscious decision was made to END A RELATIONSHIP – that’s not exactly a great basis to start a friendship on.
Yes, yes, I know that maybe in rare instances you both fell out of love at the same time and a friendship is possible – that’s great – but in my experience as a guy that plays the odds, in the VAST MAJORITY of cases someone dropped the other and someone is smarting from the pain they feel over getting dumped.
There is no upside to this.